Tell me a joke.

[Ningyou]

"HAUNTED and CREEPY"
I will never forget the night it happened. It was a(n) bleeding night, and I was relaxing upstairs with my snake, a good book and my faithful pony, Rainbow snake. Suddenly there was a loud boom. I sprang to my feet and crept downstairs, trying to be as cold as I could. Nothing looked out of the ordinary. Suddenly I heard the boom again, but this time it was much more lovey and I knew it was coming from the basement. Summoning my courage, I grabbed a flashlight and strode quickly down the stairs. I might have met my end right there, if not for Rainbow snake, who let out a loud "bam!" Startled, I jumped slowly to the side just in time to avoid a long gooey appendage. I turned my flashlight on the intruder and gasped in horror. Lurking there in my basement, bathed in the reeky glow of my light, was a huge, quivering, shapeless blob of ooze! The hideous thing was as red as a mexican and as big as a(n) vagina.
"holy balls!" I cried.

I fled finally upstairs, but the thing chased me with lightning speed. I was trapped, and knew I had to fight if I wanted to survive. First I tried to chop it with a sharp carrot in the shape of a pony from the kitchen, then I shot it with my grandpas vibrator that hangs over the fireplace. In desperation, I even tried throwing cum on it, but all to no avail. It just kept coming. I thought I was dead for sure, when suddenly a strange figure crashed through my window and leapt between us! He was tall and stenchy, with fierce big eyes and hard shoulders. He was dressed entirely in black, except for his purple no clothing.

"what the forget!" the figure cried, and quick as a(n) horse he jumped in and stunned the ooze creature with a powerful kick.

Without pause he scooped the thing into a(n) bed and tied it shut with a long rope.

"How did you do that?!" I gasped, trying to catch my breath.

"Their only weakness is their star fish," he replied. "One good kick and the things are helpless."

"But how do you find it?" I asked, staring at the shapeless mass.

"That is easy," said the stranger. "It is right next to their rooster."

I thanked him for saving my life and asked him his name. "I am sieg heil, and I have been hunting the ooze creatures all my life. Join me in my quest and we will make the world safe from their stinking evil!"

Now that I knew the truth, how could I say no? I joined sieg heil that night and my life has never been the same. I learned how to spot their star fish in less than 666 seconds, and together we have defeated over 13 of the ooze creatures. I even got my own purple no clothing.

i lol'd

[Ad Bot]

[MrMcCakey]

o bby

gimme sum dat MARYJANE brother

[AQuietBadger]

-funny story-
i lol'd

oh my god
that
was
so
funny

[Stocking]

What's the difference between a dead baby and a cherry pie?

I won't eat a cherry pie after I've stuck my richard in it.


What's the difference between my grandmother and a newborn infant?

My grandmother doesn't die when I forget her in the ass.


What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?

Nothing, you've already told her twice.


What did the boy with no arms or legs get for Christmas?

Cancer.

[Count]

Two atoms are sitting in a bar. One says to the other, "I think I've lost an electron." The other asks "Are you sure?" To which the first replies, "I'm positive."

[Dimitry]

Did you here about the guy who lost his whole left side?

He's al-right now!

[Vegetarian Zombie]

feminism

[BBOY]

yur feas

[Comatose]

I was gonna make a love joke, buttforget it.

[Yosher]

Here is a funny story I came across on a forum. It is graphic so if you are offended by these topics please don’t read it.


Ok so I was going to go to the strip club in downtown SF yesterday. So I saw the bookstore on the way there and decided to see if they had a good blackcherleader or black brown town films. Ive been there before but never ventured far. So I was looking around for the DVD and then I looked over and saw a door and the top said “Extra 5 dollar fee upon entrance”. I didn’t think anything of it so I continued on with my browsing.

A couple minutes later on I look up and there is this cute provocative dressed latin girl with a white guy. There was a couple other people in the store but I didn’t pay any attention to them. All the sudden the guy that was with the latin girl walked out after saying his goodbyes, i guess she was going to look for a film for her boytoy. So I looked at her and she smiled and I smiled. I got a thought at that moment, maybe If i go pay a 5 dollar entrance fee and find out whats back there she might sneak back there too. Im not a good looking guy, but Im pretty big guy and I smiled and I was hoping that she would be lured in by the kinkiness of going back there.

So I went up to the counter asked the guy what it was. He says “Oh its just adult video booths and a wating room with a couch”. I figured what the hell and so I paid 5 dollars and went in the back. I walked past the booths went in the last one next to the waiting room. They were charging money so I put in 25 cents for intial video to show. I looked over and saw a big hole there. I was like oh no you mean they have this gay glory hole crap Ive been hearing about. ALl the sudden I heard footsteps so I assumed it was the girl since it was only like a minute after entering the back. I was getting real horny with the researcho sounds and images and the thought of her wanting to go back there to fool around.

I then came up with the genious idea to stick my richard through the hole. I was real aroused so I just stuck it through. ALl the sudden the footsteps went past me I heard a long pause and out of nowhere I feel a mouth on my richard. I started groaning and I felt hands on my richard and felt spit and the hard sucking of a richard. My first thoughts were this girl can suck a mean richard. So I said “You are such a naughty girl, I can’t believe you do this behind that guys back”. WEll they continued to keep sucking. Eventually I got bored though since I never cum from a lewinsky so I said “Ok thats enough I don’t cum from lewinskys”. So I pulled my richard out.

I thought I would hear a deep lovey voice saying how hot that was and how she wanted to come in the booth etc etc, but instead I heard the voice of what sounded like a 50 year old fat guy say ” Hey there is better places you can stick that big guy”. I was so embarassed and angered I didn’t say anything and stayed in there until he was gone. I must have stayed in there a half hour to make sure he was out of the store. I was so digusted I went straight to the strip club and got a lewinsky from the usal stripper that delivers. This has got to be the most digusting experience of my life!

found this story on the internet
never laughed harder

[Isaac Fox]

Why do women have boobs?

[MrMcCakey]

boobs

mmmmm

[Specever]

Roses are red,
violets are blue,
some poems rhyme,
but not this one.

[Clone v.117]

Female rights.

There was a baby swimming in a kiddies pool on a Saturday morning,
the baby drowned.

[Vegetarian Zombie]

[  img]http://images.wikia.com/fallout/images/4/47/Wadsworth.jpg[/img]
Two atoms are sitting in a bar. One says to the other, "I think I've lost an electron." The other asks "Are you sure?" To which the first replies, "I'm positive."

Ahahahahaha.