I wrote a poem today (New poem in the OP!)

[rockslide26]

So recently, my life has completely stuff on me. Friends have forsaken me and made my social life miserable, I might have arthritis in both of my knees, and a really close friend of mine died. I wrote a poem about some of it, tell me what you think, please. I can explain some of it if it doesn't make sense to you. Some feedback would be nice.

Untitled

A wind in the door
A swish of hair
I know I can't get over you
and I know nobody's there.
The Belgian, the Russian, and the German
on a boat to nowhere.

Lost at sea
Not to be found
I'm stumbling blind
you're buried in the ground

Can you hear me, Major Tom?
I've got a sword in my chest
and a Glasgow smile
Now lay me to rest

The doors are all locked
they are all barred
you're gone forever
I've been jarred

Memories floating away
Ones I want to keep
but from between my fingers
this treasure slowly seeps

Disaster at sea
three nowhere to be found
two women, one man
lost in the sound

Awoken by grief
kept awake by pain
the needle must be threaded
once again

Untitled Dos

Fire in your eyes
there's a certain flair
you exert on those around you
whenever you're there

The captain is dead
the crew in shambles
the ship might sink
the speaker rambles

Big brother, our president
his police tear me apart
while I drown in a teacup
Totalitarianism is an art

I'm Daedalus with the shell
but I am given no string
no ant, no honey
to help me, nothing

You are my light
the two are my dark
The building block of my life
you are a quark

Thank you, my dear
the sitting room war has drawn to a close
but there are two I still fear
the Italian and Thai, those

They'll stab me and shoot me
it doesn't seem right
up until recently we were inseperable
but now they'll kill me in the night

The captain and crew
slouched, asleep
the craft approaches the water
diving down deep

It hits the seafloor
Kicking up sand
Nobody can save these men
from death's crushing hand

The mustang on the sea floor
Poseidon created
drunk from the fumes of creation
inebriated

My admonition to the two of you
now that you fell
is to leave me alone
and burn in Hell

[Ad Bot]

[Ziyek]

10/10 would read again.

But seriously yeah this isn't half bad.

[rockslide26]

10/10 would read again.

But seriously yeah this isn't half bad.

Thanks! I don't write a lot, but when I do, I think I do a decent job of it.

[Oasis]

Excellent job. Title, review, and publish.

[Lil D]

I can mend that poem.

Roses are red,
violets are blue,
I suck at writing poems,
nevermind.

I give yours a 9.5/10.

[rockslide26]

Excellent job. Title, review, and publish.

Wow, thanks! I didn't expect the feedback to be this positive. Now I have to think of a title, something personal concerning said friend.

[Kill All]

9.75/10
Also publish, :3
I'm already a published poet :D

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust,
Cities will burn, weapons will rust.
Flames will swallow the peace of the past,
As warriors follow their leaders, unsurpassed.

A cycle of hate, a force of destruction.
A war of fate, a world's division.
Another betrayal, a general's defection.
All will suffer for each act of aggression.

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust,
The mind is corrupted, the body is crushed.
The kind are forgotten, the broken are lost,
The lives of the common, the greatest cost.

[rockslide26]

9.75/10
Also publish, :3
I'm already a published poet :D

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust,
Cities will burn, weapons will rust.
Flames will swallow the peace of the past,
As warriors follow their leaders, unsurpassed.

A cycle of hate, a force of destruction.
A war of fate, a world's division.
Another betrayal, a general's defection.
All will suffer for each act of aggression.

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust,
The mind is corrupted, the body is crushed.
The kind are forgotten, the broken are lost,
The lives of the common, the greatest cost.

Thanks! I've been writing a lot today, I can post more if anybody wants to hear.

[Kill All]

Thanks! I've been writing a lot today, I can post more if anybody wants to hear.

Yes yes yes

[fred da kiko]

good poem, did your friend drown in the ocean or something?

once i knew a guy named tom
my friends said he was the bomb

he took shots at my girl
and one of them hit

tom is dead
i killed that richard

[rockslide26]

good poem, did your friend drown in the ocean or something?

once i knew a guy named tom
my friends said he was the bomb

he took shots at my girl
and one of them hit

tom is dead
i killed that richard

No, she didn't drown. We still don't know why she died.

Yes yes yes

Okay, here's another that I wrote about my friend who has left us.

Untitled

Mahogany eyes
Calm, sweet demeanor
your thoughts and language
could not be cleaner

Behind your eyes
there is a giant, asleep
And for their unheard cries
the heroes of Stalingrad weep

In mine we see horrible things
We see Mengele's Children
he gave them candy and rings

The hinges did weep
as they closed the door
the screams of those inside echoing
while they swept the ash off the floor

Mengele in my blood
Stalin in yours
Two former enemies
on distant shores

They throw down their weapons
into the sand
and celebrate christmas
free from war's strangling hand

The clock is still ticking
perpetual motion
This idea in my brain sticking
this strange notion

You might not be here
but you're still in my mind
there's part of you I fear
the part left behind

You died, my arms cradling your head
my one true friend
now dead.

One last hug
I can't stop fate
But the time for you, now
was too soon, not too late

[fred da kiko]

what was all that about the sea and stuff, was that just you thinking about the ocean or was there a reason for it?

[Oasis]

Seriously. Find a small book, get a nice pen, and just start writing down these suckers.

If you can, get some of them published. I mean it, these are incredibly good and free-flowing.

[rockslide26]

what was all that about the sea and stuff, was that just you thinking about the ocean or was there a reason for it?

There's many interpretations of that line, and I like it that way. When I was writing it, I was talking about friends of mine, the Russian and the Belgian, and I'm the German; we're all lost in the sea of insanity.

Seriously. Find a small book, get a nice pen, and just start writing down these suckers.

If you can, get some of them published. I mean it, these are incredibly good and free-flowing.

Thanks, I'll definitely try! I have a lot saved on the computer and a lot written on paper. If I can get these published, that would be amazing. I really haven't shared any with anyone until now.

[rockslide26]

Bumping for title for the first poem; I think a good title is simply The Russian