DISCLAIMER: You don't have to give 30 stuffs about this thread. you can just ignore it and go on with your life. if you take the time to read it, good for you, but if you're just going to stuffpost, go elsewhere. thanks.This is me venting lol, because I'm an attention whore or some stuff.
okay so lately has kind of sucked serious brown town roosters and for really good reasons.
let me explain some stuff
Every summer since I was a wee 6 years old I've had to go to my father's house for the entire summer break from school, because my parents are divorced. For a while I enjoyed it, I mean I got used to flying all the time and being out here and stuff w/e.
But this is the part that sucks: I've gone here for 11 years, and have met almost nobody. All I have here is relatives and some adult friends. Since there is a better college here than where my mother lives, I've decided to go to college here and then live here for the rest of my days. Again, there goes the part where I know almost nobody.
How have I coped with all this stuff? Okay when I was younger I didn't care for chicks too much so that wasn't a big problem. As I grew up however, I always had a girlfriend back where my mom lived so 10 months out of the year I had something to look forward to when I went back. This time it's different. I don't have a girl back home :(.
Here, let me throw you back to last month or so. Late May. I had this girl I dated for 16 months. She was really the most serious girlfriend I've ever had and I don't know how it all ended but it's gone and left for almost 2 months. We literally explored the reaches of teen love and it was the best feelings I've ever had. I had felt all those heartfelt moments of stupid teen love, physical and emotional and whatnot. And I've also experienced all the depressive, gloomy moments. What I had was what some people dreamed of... and sometimes I reflect on it and try not to dwell on it. I know at the time I was feeling love. The crazy hormone induced emotion of teen love.
Why did I give it all up? Well, it wore me thin. It suppressed my character. My girlfriend had this passive-aggressive attitude about me hanging with my friends. I always invited her to come, I wanted her to become friends with my friends because, to be honest, she didn't have many... She would never reflect the same attitude of joy that I had for certain things like a new CD album or a cool picture I drew, instead she would be some grumbling starfish that wasn't truly happy for me. On top of all that, she was a hardcore brony. I don't mind bronies and all but holy forget was she ever flamboyant. It kinda got on my nerves. She was really obsessive too. One moment she would be into Portal 2 and never pry herself from that subject until she gained a new obsession. She even went as far as to getting an Assassin's Creed tattoo on her back. I facepalmed harder than I should've. I was always nice about it though, I really was happy whenever she was. I supported what she liked and I helped her through all her girl problems and stuff but she wouldn't give it back to me.
One day in late May, she started up with her normal attitude about me leaving to go away to college, which mind you is in a year. It turned into a huge conversation about how I didn't love her and that I wanted to leave. It wasn't true, not in the least bit. I had stronger feelings for her than anyone else and she kept playing with them. I was tired. She kept being a whiny, self-centered hermit that never wanted to hang-out and made constant excuses not to hang out with me. After this conversation was over I had noticed she changed her facebook profile to just her, she had a picture of me holding her (cheesy and loving cliche as forget I know), and then set her relationship status to Complicated or some stupid stuff. That was it. I talked to her about it and I ended it. I said nope, sorry, I can't do it no more. And that was that.
Here's the aftermath: I felt hallow. Not sad, not depressive or gloomy really. I didn't even cry over her. Few days later she deleted me from everything. EVERYTHING. Facebook, deviantart, her phone, Steam etc. etc. I shrugged it off. I understand how it was supposed to be. I was supposed to come back, but I was done with her stuff. And now, a month and a half later, I'm lost. I had love and now it's gone kiddos.
Of course since I've already gone through my stuffty depressive states a few years back, I have learned to be optimistic no matter what. I have tried to keep busy. I've tried to find new girls to talk to, but they're all taken as forget. I had a girlfriend 2 years ago that when we broke up, I told her let's just take a break. We talked for a week at most and then she just kinda petered out. She rarely talks to me now. Want to talk to her but don't want to be annoying. Don't want to not talk to her and be beta as forget but whatever she's taken anyway forget it. I can find someone yeah.
That's exactly what I thought. I was all chipper and stuff because I thought I found another. This pretty cute chick was at the pub for trivia night drawing in the corner. I grew seven and a half balls and walked over there and talked to her. Me being an artist or something of the likes talked to her about art and stuff she drew, complementing it y'know. We really had something here. She had a cute laugh, a morbid drawing style like mine and was interesting as all hell. I gave her my number and that's where my summer loving began. She was funny and different, a little innocent, but whatever she's open. Everything seems like it's in the clear until she tells me she has a boyfriend. forget.
I just feel impatient. I really really want a girlfriend. I used to have a routine everyday with my ex girlfriend that was pretty much like a drug. I don't get hugs and kisses daily anymore. I don't have that adorable girl to hold. I don't have some cutie butt to text. I don't have someone to curb my insatiable loveual urges. It really loving sucks.
But I've learned something valuable. If you ever come to this point in your life, ever, don't give up. You'll get that girl you will really like and you should treat her like the crown jewel. Keep your head held up high and give it time, because kiddo, you've got a lot to look forward to.
Right now I feel stuffty. Lonely. Meh. It's really a common feeling nowadays I really just drown it out with drawing and video game playing. Reading comics, taking walks. Whatever tickles my fancy.
I just... really wish I had a girl to talk to. As stupidly desperate as that sounds, that's all I want.
tl;dr:
