Apply 7 vertical stripes of blue paint onto your computer screen above the file, then underline it with a green stripe. Next, take 2 candles and set them upon your mousepad in cosmic alignment with Venus and Eris and light them. Then slowly spin in a circle while pelvic thrusting and chanting "Kopaka Desu Hau-Kau Garfieldclanrules". This performance shall please the gods and your computer will open it.