This is hilarious, and also true: if a pizza has a radius 'z' and a depth 'a' that pizza's volume can be defined Pi*z*z*a.
Knock knock. Who's there? To. To who? No, no, no. To whom.
As my chemistry teacher always said, if you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.
Argon walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve noble gasses here!" Argon doesn't react.
The past, the present, and the future all walk into a bar at the same time. It was tense.
How many computer programmers does it take to screw in a light bulb? Whoa, no, that's a hardware problem.
I'll be honest, particle accelerators totally give me a hadron.
Oh yeah? Well electronegativity totally gives me a permanent dipole.
Humanities Major: "Hi, nice to meet you! What do you do for a living?" CompSci Major: "I work with Unix." Humanities Major: "Oh my god! That's, that's horrible. We have to organize some kind of rally to help those poor men!" *Eunuchs/Unix*
And now it is the time for some nerdy pick up lines.
Hey baby, if I were a particle and you were a quantum potential, would you let me penetrate your classically forbidden regions?
Baby, I wish I was your derivative so I could lie tangent to your curves.
Having been a chemistry major, I can assure you that this is the only one that actually works. Um. Hey, does this smell like chloroform? Yeah, that might've gone too far.
Hey baby, why don't we go back to my place and I can show you the exponential growth of my natural log?
Nerdy pick up lines end here.
Man walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "Give me ten times the number of drinks everybody in here is drinking." And the bartender says, "Now that, my friend, is an order of magnitude."
How many ears does Spock have? Three: a left ear, a right ear, and a final frontier.
What do I have in common with neutrinos? Uh, we're both constantly penetrating your mom.
Even though, you know, your mom's so fat, that her patronus is a cake.
And she's so ugly not even fluorine would bond with her.
Now you might think that the glass is half full, and you might think that the glass is half empty, but engineers know that the glass is actually two times larger than it needs to be.
Politicians, on the other hand, have assured me that the glass would be more empty if the opposition were in charge,
While surrealists think that the glass is half of a slowly rotting lemon.
And physicists, well they happen to know that you can never know how much water is in the glass because just by measuring it you’ve changed the outcome.
How many Freudians does it take to change a light bulb? Two, one to screw in the light bulb and the other to hold the peni- the ladder, THE LADDER!
The majority of people have an above average number of legs. Think about it! It’s true.
How did the constipated mathematician solve his problem? He, uh, he just worked it out with a pencil.
A Higgs-Boson particle goes into a church and the preacher says, “Higgs-Boson’s aren’t allowed in here. You call yourself the God particle; that’s sacrilegious! The Higgs-Boson particle says, “If you don’t allow Higgs-Boson particles, how do you have mass?”
There are two types of people in the world: those who can extrapolate from incomplete data…
What do The Force and duct tape have in common? Well, there’s a dark side and a light side, and they both hold the universe together.
Heisenberg and Schrödinger are driving in a car and they get pulled over. The police officer asks, “Do you know how fast you were going?” Heisenberg says, “Well, not really but I can tell you exactly where I was.”
The officer thinks that this peculiar response is grounds for a search, and he finds a dead cat in the trunk, and he says, “Do you guys know that there’s a dead cat in your trunk?” and Schrödinger says, “Well, I do now!”
