i just finished an OVA for a short story

[T3HZ3N0N]

"Tasogare, a human mage, one of the last proteges of the ancient monarchy of the land she calls home,
starts an adventure to become known, though she has no idea of what will await her.
 She meets five other great warrior, Appuru, Koyubi, Amedasshu, Furatta,
and Mezurashi. They shall be the ones chosen to vanquish one of the most ancient demons of all...
 After reading a forgotten spellbook, she learns of the horrible, horrible demon and its plan to destroy the perfect world,
plunging it into eternal darkness. The only way to stop it, is a magical artifact handed
down through the generations, known as the great Hamoni. But, they are too late. They soon
learn that the demon has imprisoned the queen, ruler of the land. Soon the demon awakens in its
true form and the six friends find themselves face to face with the horrible demon. They activate
the Homoni and light brightens the room, for a massive rainbow has errupted from the fiery depths to
vanquish the demon, saving their queen and the land from eternal, cold darkness, and freeing the curse
the gods have put on the demon."

Thoughts?

[Ad Bot]

[LordoftheUnclean]

For the record, I wrote the original thing for him then he edited it a bit

[T3HZ3N0N]

For the record, I wrote the original thing for him then he edited it a bit

<3

[Jetlok]

you forgot to make a character named Yaoi
the names are a little too japanese(?) for me but other than that this could be good idk im not a LITERATURE WIZARD

[Katamari007]

Furatta,

Frittata

[Jetlok]

omg fine fine -remobed-

[T3HZ3N0N]

pls remove

[BubbaGum]

I WAS TRICKED AND I KNOW UR SECRET

[blaman]

Don't look to Japanese influence for names. It's unoriginal and boring.
If you're going for that mythical approach, latin or greek root names work well.

[Katadeus]

^I feel better about self now

Anyway, unoriginal. Figure out some new stuff.

[Scorch]

heres an original name: henkerounoogan (hen-ker-oon-ooo-gin) use that if you want, I guarantee NO ONE has eVER used it before

[Spartan923]

From what Ive seen, Zeno you are the biggest weeaboofriendlord I know. I kinda lost interest in the story once I got to the names.

[blaman]

heres an original name: henkerounoogan (hen-ker-oon-ooo-gin) use that if you want, I guarantee NO ONE has eVER used it before

Generally speaking you want to avoid long winded names. It doesn't stick with the reader.

[Otis Da HousKat]

How is this even an OVA?

[Jetlok]

looks like zenon isnt sending anyone a pm revealing the show
now it just looks like hes embarrassing himself ;-;