What if the above user was a weapon?

[SWAT One]

-snip-

Wow.
Do I like,
not exist >:/

[Ad Bot]

[Grassy]

Wow.
Do I like,
not exist >:/

You do.

S.W.A.T (Sniper)
+100% kill on charged Headshot
+45% ammo on wearer
+25 health
-34% damage on non-charged headshots
-50% speed


The SWAT One pack
S.W.A.T
One man's death pistol
The watne knife
BlockhatV

*Item set bonus*
+90% Speed on wearer
+20% firing speed

See

[The Big Bad Jellyfish]

Grass
+100 greenness.
+99999999999999 damage.
-30 speed.
-1 health a second.

[Alteration]

The Big Bad Jellyfish

+Fires stingers instead of bullets
+Stingers deal posion damage upon contact for 10 seconds
-40% direct damage
-80% clip size

[Buu]

-9000 mind forget per use

+kills everyone in a 9000 mile radius

[Cargøn]

Buu
Automatically uses splash attack

[GEN.Fire Bird]

Cargøn

M-60 with Cargøn rounds that pass through materials that are less dense than bone, but impact things denser than bone.
Has Grenade clips for pineapple grenades to be stored on it.
-50% run speed
-15% walk speed
+150% Inorganic damage
-100% flesh damage
+15% Bullet Speed
-5% clip size

[curiosblockland6]

A sniper rifle chambered to fit new "fire bird" combustible rounds. Highly lethal. Reccomeded for use in heavily forested areas.

[Mr.X98]

Some gold 

[Wheatley]

Model X89 Rubber Bat
A baseball bat which basically made out of flimsy rubber. Tends to wobble around and generally bounces off the targeted object only to smack the user in the face. The X89 version includes kung-fu grip.

[GEN.Fire Bird]

Wheatley

An old Nugget, with the name 'Wheatley' scratched into the side, emminates odd sounds and shoots bullets that travel FTL.
-5% sanity
-1000% HP on trigger pull
+99999999999999999999999.124813571923786509273650192736502735 Generic Damage
+80% Veiw Distance
-10% walk speed
+500% entry(travels through multiple enemies)

[Black and White]

Generates and fires phenix rounds

[GEN.Fire Bird]

Sprays grayscale paint.

+∞ clip size
+∞ ammo count
+∞ range
+∞ impact damage
+∞ projectile speed

[Mr.Noßody]

Incendiary rounds.

[Ipquarx]

scary face

instantly scares opponent

+100 scaryness
-100 enemy morale