Quest for the Golden Cake

[CharlesSpeaking]

>chase mailman

[Ad Bot]

[TristanLuigi]

>chase mailman
Your dog is currently doing that for you.
>_

[CharlesSpeaking]

>command dog to hug mailman

[TristanLuigi]

>command dog to hug mailman
Your dog cannot understand English.
>_

[Cargøn]

>pull gold bars out of dog's throat
>bake gold cake
>end

[TristanLuigi]

>pull gold bar from dog
You try to pul lstuff from his throat, and you engage in a fight. You end up killing your dog AND taking 5HP of damage. Great.
HP is now 6/10.
DOG CORPSE added to inventory!
>bake gold cake
You don't have the ingredients. Besides, the golden cake cannot be baked, only found. It's location may be revealed in that letter.
>end
You kill yourself by banging your head into the mailbox repeatedly.
HP is now 0/10.
GAME OVER.

Continue? (Y/N)

[Benjamin Lopez]

>Yes
>Restart game
>Immedently go outside.

[Tetris]

>relay current environment statistics
What the F are you talking about?
>look
You are sitting in a chair in the room. Also in the room is a sofa, TV, and some cupboards. There's a coffee table on a rug in the middle of the room. The front door is on one side of the room, with kitchen on another, and the stairs on the third.
>diagnose situation based on hunger
What are you, handicapped? This is a text adventure, not a vocabulary quiz.
>hunger
You just had lunch an hour ago. You are not very hungry.

this computer is loving stupid if it doesn't even understand basic computing terminology.

[.:FancyPants:.]

What are you, handicapped? This is a text adventure, not a vocabulary quiz.

> uses good vocabulary
> "what are you, handicapped?"
areyoulovingkiddingme.png

[TristanLuigi]

>y
You awake in your living room once again.
>go outside
You find a corpse of yourself with: LETTER, DOG CORPSE
>_

[Tudoreleuu]

AVGN would like this: 1 life but with continues, and no restarts xD

>take letter
>read letter

[Cargøn]

>Unzip the pants of the corpse

[The Big Bad Jellyfish]

>Teabag corpse after all of the other suggestions.

[TristanLuigi]

[size=12]
>take letter
LETTER added to inventory.
>read letter
The letter says:
"Dear Phillip Phillips,
I am dying and I need the Golden Cake to save me. Would you be nice enough to find it? It is north 100 miles and west 50. I would mention a whole bunch of other stuff but you don't really need to know that, the cake gives life. GOGOGO
Your Friend-
Willliam Williams

[CharlesSpeaking]

>ask your friend Jack Jackson for help