and uh
wtf
so idk if any of you have watched this movie but this is the most crazy ass forgeted up movie i've ever seen. came out in 2007, just gonna spoil the whole movie, kinda sucked not really worth watching unless you are like stoned af.
plot: the sun is dying, only one way to save it and that is to fly a spaceship with a bomb attached to it that will recreate the sun, into the center of the sun (yeah). the first spaceship dissapeared and the movie follows spaceship 2.
so they star the movie with just saying "suns dying we gotta save it" in some lame dialogue with that the guy from 28 days later and batman. then they just start where they are fairly close to the sun and there are 8 people (captain, astronauts, scientist). two asian dudes, indian dude, asian chick, white chick, 3 white dudes. two of the white dudes are the guy from 28 days later, and the other is captain america.
so they are flying, and the ship is closing in on the sun, and then they find the old ship, which is sitting like infront of the sun, not moving. they make the decision to go to the ship and get that ships bomb (2 is better then one says 28 days later) much to captain americas dismay. so one of the asian guys readjusts the ships angle but FORGETS to move the ships metal shield which protects it from the sun. WHOOPS. so then 28 days and asian 2 (the captain) have to go out in space and fix some of the panels that broke in the shield.
now this is the first bit when i started doubting the movie. i mean, this movie came out and 2007 and was very graphically pleasing, better then most movies today. and i always love seeing the spacesuits they have in these movies. so what did we get here?
STRAIGHT OUTTA MOTHAforgetIN COMPTON AWWW YEA
HEY YO HOW WE GONNA FIX THIS DOPE ASS SHIP
BLOWTORCH Browtf hollywod
so they go out and are fixing the panels, doing good, until their very human computer (Icarus, as it is called) decides that she (it) is going to move the ship so both the captain and 28 days get fried like a couple of chickens.
"icarus stop they will die"
"no gotta do it"
"icarus"
"icarus what are you doing"
"icarus please"
"shut up bitch IM the loving computer"
long story short, withing 10 mins of the movie, their captain dies. he was burned to death, his compton space suit could only do so much. 28 days ran back like a pusillanimous individual though and lived (sadly).
so now asian 1 is suicidal, blames himself for captains death, and is locked into restraints by the ships psychologist, the indian. the indian is by far the coolest guy, 100% sane, makes the best decisions, help everyone, wears classy ass aviators. anyways, now the ships second in command, some boring white guy who is like power hungry, is captain.
a problem with the panels being broken is the plant room (which makes oxygen) caught on fire. WHOOPS. so what do they do? they consult captain america.
"captain what do we do"
"if we release all the oxygen then the fire will go out"
"but captain america we breathe that"
"DO IT"
they do it, now they have almost no air to breathe. so their new captain, boring white guy, makes the decision that they HAVE to board spaceship 1 now for oxygen. asian women has made calculations (those asians) and says if they kill 3 more members then they will have enough oxygen to complete the mission. only tells captain america and 28 days gf. they kill no one. so they go connect ships and 4 of them (hey guys lets send 2/3 of our crew into a potentially dangerous spaceship) go in to the old spaceship.
this is weird ass moment number 2. they get into the ship, and as soon as hey get in, this image flashes for like 1 millisecond. it doesnt LOOK like it is part of the movie, it looks like it is a glitch in the cd. there is no like, sound or anything when it flashes, it just happens and doesnt even take up the whole screen, its like small picture that takes up maybe 50% of the screen. this happens like 8 times and its starting to piss me off because this is a netflix disc these mofos better not be ripping me off. turns out those were pics of the old crew (wtf) in hula outfits.
they find the crew in the observation room burnt to completer dust. they opened the window (on a spaceship going to the sun) and let the sun burn them right up. boring white guy finds this ships plant house and it is lush and growing wonderfully. captain america finds a video of the old ships captain, the captain went crazy, said that GOD wanted them to stop the ship, that GOD meant for the ship to die.
yeah go god.
SUDDENLY spaceships 2 breaks away from spaceship 1 and there is no way to reconnect.
"what happened"
"idk"
"reconnect"
"i cant"
the airlock is broken, so captain america comes up with a plan. get in the space suits and then open the door, which will suck them out and launch them towards their ships airlock.
"captain america there is a problem"
"we only have....
....
ONE SUIT"
"dibs"
so 28 days gets in and boring white guy is all "NO I AM THE CAPTAIN" but india is all "i have a plan"
guess what it is
they wrap themselves in foil
and go out in space
yes, they actually are just going to fly out into space with no spacesuit or oxygen or anything else, just foil. BUT ONLY TWO OF THEM CAN HOLD ONTO 28 DAYS. india, being the dope ass asian mofo he is, volunteers to stay back, captain america and boring white guy go with 28 days. so they open the door and out they go, 20 seconds to the other ship. sadly, boring white guy hits some space debris or something (so much of that near the sun) and goes flying away. he freezes and dies and then burns. 28 days and captain america make it.
"hey india, we are going now"
"india please respond"
"india, we are going"
"india we love you"
"india please"
"LOL forget you bitch im burning myself in the sun YOLO"
india dies, boring white guy dead, captain dead, only 5 left. and asian lady has a plan.
"hey lets kill the suicidal guy"
"forget yeah kill him"
"im captain america yeah lets do it"
and of course the white chick: "no feelings aaaa my concise is more important then the whole earth"
"shut up bitch we're killing him"
jokes on them he already killed himself, via scalpel and 15 cuts on his arms
yolo
so now 28 days goes up to the computer (icarus) and is all
"icarus calculate oxygen support"
"you will not be able survive"
"icarus you are wrong calculate oxygen consumption for 4 humans"
"4 humans would be able to live the appropriate amount of time"
"icarus, there are only 4 of us"
"no"
"what"
"there is a 5th life form in the observation room"
aww stuff brother. turns out ITS THE CAPTAIN FROM THE OTHER SHIP. HE was the one that broke the airlock AND killed the suicidal guy. he has come to stop the mission for GOD. he is totally ripped, 6ft+ and has been burning the flesh off of himself. 28 days gets shanked, then is chased to the bling spacesuit room where he locks him in. the old captain then goes and kills icarus by removing her from the coolant. then he goes and kills the asian lady in some really creepy way that can only be described visually (watch the movie). captain america goes diving in the coolant to fix icarus. 28 days gf is attacked, but then she stabs the old captain, but doesnt kill him. captain america gets frozen in the coolant after fixing icarus (dead). 28 days manually releases the bomb into the sun. home free? no. the old captain followed them! 28 days gets in a fight with him and ends up tearing all the flesh off of the old captains arm (the old captain was all rotty and stuff). 28 days activates the bomb, stands there in the middle of the sun STiLL ALIVE NOT BURNED.
earth is saved. the end.
tl;dr go watch the movie
