Author Topic: Co-Op writing thing:  (Read 924 times)

Me and T3HZ3N0N (Biaomu-chan) wrote this story cooperatively together. Please give constructive criticism and x/10

CALL OF THE FAMILIAR
"I'm sorry sir, but I doth not know by Saradomin where this came from" she answered.

Standing in front of the red desk, the brown-haired man put both his hands in his pockets and lowered his head down.
"Come on. You are a fortune teller! Wise and psychic." he said. You should know where this came from. The fortune teller who stood
behind the desk wearing a purple kimono decorated with green birds narrowed her eyes. She took a deep sigh and waved her old hands
around her magical crystal ball that sat on the red desk. She closed her wrinkly eyes, and stalled for a minute. After that, she
put a bloody perfume bottle in front of the desk.


"I am a fortune teller, I can predict the future. I cannot predict the past. I'm sorry sir, but I still don't know where this perfume bottle came from"

"You are a waste of my time, you old witch." as I pounce for the perfume bottle.

I did not give her time to react as I shuffled around her accumulated bins of dusty scrolls and other witch-like objects to the exit of her tent.
Stupid Witch, I thought to myself. Why, if she can see far, cant she see wide? As I sit down on the cold, hard, wooden benches of Quin Square, the bloody
perfume bottle cupped in my hand, I hear a rustling in the various knotted bushes and trees behind me. Turning, un-sheathing my wand, and pointing it at
the trees, the rustling stops. There's somebody hiding behind the tree. As i slowly walk around nearest perminiter of the square, I can see him.

The figure had striking red eyes, and all other parts of him were hidden by the tree bushes. The only thing I could see were his cold, demonic, red eyes.
I ran towards him arming my wand for a Darkness Shower spell. I swung my wand at his face, and dark shadows rised from the tip of it, about to impact his face
like a meteor storm. But as if in an instant, the red eyes moved so quickly, it was too fast for even regular magic to do! The dark blasts pounded the leaves,
only making them rustle. Darkness Shower only affects humans, and it fails when it hits natural objects. I looked to my left, and I saw the dark figure running
with a black cape moving along with the wind as he ran.

As I crouch to start sprinting after the evil-doer, i check that i still posses the perfume bottle. what do you know, its gone! Angry by the evil-doers evil
doings, i sprint after him. as i race past street after street, i can still see glimpses of his hooded figure running among the buildings.
As i gain speed in his direction, he changes direction, heading for the main street, is he going to kill the Varitriad? As he sprints towards the steps to
the church, I know hope is lost. Brain reeling in my head, i raise my wand, i scream, in a voice similar to mine, but more of an echo, "Siphoshima!" blinded
by the burning white light, made deaf by the sounds of white hot energy flying directly at the hooded figure, the last sound i make out is a shout. "Shirudomo!",
before going under.

I open my eyes after a few seconds only hearing the after-effect of a giant explosion, like heavy rain pounding on a shelter. People crowded around me, and
the church. White fog emitted from the inside of the church. As I get up, i can see the remnants of the broken shield spell dissolve. I rushed inside the church
and through the white smoke to find a dark figure sprawling on the floor with white smoke sprewing from the small of its back, and the Varitriad standing beside the podium
with a book open.

"A familliar came, I see." the Varitriad spoke softly.
"Wh- Familliar? Who summoned it? Why is it here? Why was it spying me?" I spoke with a bombardment of questions
"Calm yourself, my student. I believe a demon summoned it from within the earth to cause chaos on Quin."
"The only demon I can think of right now is Andidax. He succumbed to the darkness and became a demon like the rest of the no-goods."
"I'm lucky I survived thanks to you, my young pupil, but we're only safe for now. The possible demon will probably send more summons to attack Quin"
"God.. This is too much to take in.." I said with a deep breath as I sit on one of the many benches in the church.

"Now is not the time to decay." the Varitriad said, "You should go back to your home, eat, and get some rest, I will inform the priests to invest this."

"If you insist, Lord Varitriad." I said in a low voice, getting up, and walking carefully over the body and out of the giant hole that was once the sacred
church's doors.

All the running and the arguing with the old woman wasted alot of my time. The sun was half-viewable over the horizon. Sunset was already here. I had forgotten my
other plans that I were going to do this evening before that mysterious thief attacked me, and dropped her perfume bottle. I opened my magic journal stored inside
my rusty, green backpack, and looked inside for the appointments I had today. I had to report to Dr. Cornelius about some strange meeting we were going to have.
Thank god I didn't waste all of my time, I needed to get to the Castle in an hour, and I was already 3/4 of a mile away from there.

I'll never truly understand how two people can collaborate when it comes to writing
for that matter, outside of one person doing lineart and the other coloring, I don't even understand how people can collaborate on drawings

I'll never truly understand how two people can collaborate when it comes to writing
for that matter, outside of one person doing lineart and the other coloring, I don't even understand how people can collaborate on drawings
Bear in mind that wynd and I were collaborating on a comic for a while until he decided to just leave it to me. That worked out pretty good for a while.

I'll never truly understand how two people can collaborate when it comes to writing
for that matter, outside of one person doing lineart and the other coloring, I don't even understand how people can collaborate on drawings

I generally find that I draw a sketch and we send it back and forth each making changes until we're happy with it.


lol runescape

saradomin is not solely from runescape, are you handicapped?

saradomin is not solely from runescape, are you handicapped?
slightly uncalled for but true



Bear in mind that wynd and I were collaborating on a comic for a while until he decided to just leave it to me. That worked out pretty good for a while.
I never did anything, anyway. And I was under the impression I was handing the reins to Allyorbase, not leaving you all alone.

Regarding this, ye olde butchered English makes it kinda hard to read, as does centering it. I'm not a fan of your styles, either, but the plot itself seems interesting.

writing style is incredibly tasteless, I'm afraid
no offense but I feel as if you tried to accomplish so much but it resulted in so little
perhaps try to form a plan?

writing style is incredibly tasteless, I'm afraid
no offense but I feel as if you tried to accomplish so much but it resulted in so little
perhaps try to form a plan?

the whole uniqueness of writing like this is that the people have little or no communication when writing the paragraphs, anything can happen with them, no planning is key because it gives more less creative bounds and doesnt subject the writers to having to stay on a path