Blockland Writes! Megathread wooo (final attempt Broes)

[rockslide26]

Tough stuff happens, I write, rate x/10 if you care, yeah, and post your own stuff too.

Untitled

We play in the grass
Sharing our skittles
Then we eat and we eat
Scouring for vittles

She floats above the ground
Higher and higher
But the more often it happens
Her need grows more dire

We wrestle and rage
But no matter how much we fight
She say, calm down baby
Things are alright

I can stop if I want
She'll always say
I tell her it's that mindset
That will kill her some day

We toast s'mores by night
We build a big fire
We tell scary stories
We play in the mire

She tells me it's okay
The doll on the shelf
She's afraid of shots
Unless she injects them herself

Today will be better
Happy second birthday!
Two years clean!
She turns away

Crying, she shows me
The tracks on her arm
She told me she could stop
It wouldn't do her harm

She threw out the coin
It said "Two years clean"
She's my porcelain doll
She doesn't like being seen

I take away her skittles
We cut the grass in the yard
I tell her no more shots
But it's proving far too hard

My doll is in danger
Of cracking straight through
And every day this doll tells me
I love you


Rate x/10, guys, this stuff hit me hard to write and I'd like some feedback.

[Ad Bot]

[Niff]

Holy stuff

99/10

This is loving amazing.

[Torin0101]

This is loving amazing.

and I thought I was a good writer

[rockslide26]

Holy stuff

99/10

This is loving amazing.

Thank you! This is true stuff and it really hurt to type, I had to stop so many times because it was too much, after writing on paper it took around an hour to type including breaks

[Pacha-]

you have a lot of talent

[Niff]

Thank you! This is true stuff and it really hurt to type, I had to stop so many times because it was too much, after writing on paper it took around an hour to type including breaks

Welcome, you should do more, Like I said before, this is amazing.

[rockslide26]

you have a lot of talent

Thank you, I've never taken a course in writing besides high school English, once I made my teacher cry with a poem

Welcome, you should do more, Like I said before, this is amazing.

Here's my first I posted here http://forum.blockland.us/index.php?topic=190836.0

[EazyE]

skittles

he likes trayvon martin attack him

[rockslide26]

skittles

he likes trayvon martin attack him

there's a topic for that discussion, keep it there

[BlockyMagician]

Amazing, 10/10

[John Constantine]

you have a lot of talent

not really lol.

good ujob anyway

[rockslide26]

not really lol.

good ujob anyway

I'd prefer constructive criticism if possible, what did I do wrong? Did you just not enjoy it? Or is there something fundamentally wrong with it?

[EazyE]

I'd prefer constructive criticism if possible, what did I do wrong? Did you just not enjoy it? Or is there something fundamentally wrong with it?

poetry sucks imo

try writing songs about Self Delete, or making videos...with Self Delete in them possible...yeah that

[rockslide26]

poetry sucks imo

try writing songs about Self Delete, or making videos...with Self Delete in them possible...yeah that

If it sucks, you didn't have to say that here. There is a thing called respect, I have a certain level of it for everybody and you can gain it or lose it, and you've lost all of mine. Have a nice day, sir.

[Moonstar Akemi]

poetry sucks imo

try writing songs about Self Delete, or making videos...with Self Delete in them possible...yeah that

While he's at it, he should add some "brother" to it.


OT:

Turn this into a writing megathread, it's time I get over my writer's block. I'm gonna attempt to write stuff and maybe I'll post it in this thread if anyone's interested.

OP:

I can't really give ratings, but it's really good. I can't find much wrong with it except for the part with the skittles made me think it was meant to be humorous. It went from humorous onto an immediate serious tone and it was just kind of funny. But maybe that's just my perspective of reading it.