The Strangers- a book I'm writing.

[Jairo]

Why is the protagonist such a badass? He argues with any body who could easilly kill him.

I think you mean dumbass

[Ad Bot]

[BuildaBox]

I'm writing a story meant to be comedy and it has more action and detail than this.

[Zanaran2]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=35XI37SVVYI

[DrenDran]

Since when is a paragraph a chapter?

[Titanium Man]

lol this is kind of stuff

[Tom Gunn]

I think the best course of action along with the other criticisms in here is to lose the "character tells the story" narrative and go with a 3rd person narrative.

[Acerblock]

Doesn't mean he should be a cardboard cut-out.

LOL.

[Spartan 317]

i'd rather read about frog and toad than this

[DrenDran]

Oh god the poll.
I know OP voted yes, but who was the one other starfish who accidently clicked it?

[Jairo]

Oh god the poll.
I know OP voted yes, but who was the one other starfish who accidently clicked it?

wat omigod im th only person who voted yes on the poll

1 to 23 :c

[Caribou]

I thought that the story was just alright. It wasn't detailed enough, and you made many spelling and grammatical errors. If you do have a passion for writing though, then you can become an even better writer.

[{Pacnet2013}]

As the others suggested, plus the fact that it's really fast paced. The first chapter is a paragraph. The story is jumped into very quickly, there's no description of the setting or the important characters, it's just.. right into the story.

I wish you good luck, but you'll have to make a lot of improvements if you want to succeed with this.

[Mulch]

Everyone is just saying how stuffty this is. Why can't you guys tell him how to make it better? Oh that's right none of you are writers anyway.

[Shell]

Everyone is just saying how stuffty this is. Why can't you guys tell him how to make it better? Oh that's right none of you are writers anyway.

Um, in case you have trouble reading, pretty much everybody told him of ways to improve.

[Mulch]

tbh this is kinda bad. everything is too fast paced and theres no explanation. in the first paragraph, everything is moving too quickly, we dont know stuff about our character, and the sentences are really short, the vocabulary is poor, overall it sucks. 3/10 3 for effort would not buy

Nah man, you're critique is all negative. 4/10 sucks pretty bad would not listen to.