I wrote a poem today

[rockslide26]

it's kind of based off of some thoughts I had after hearing a song
that and I felt like stuff
but anyways yeah, here we go

The gleam of her hair
Flaxen, quite yellow
Is casting a spell over me
And the room seems to mellow

I walk up beside her
And feel the beat of her heart
I can’t ever imagine us
Drifting apart

A scene plays out
Inside my brain
Of walking and talking
And kissing in the rain

The way that she smiles
When I say something dumb
Makes me feel like I’m flying
And my brain feels so numb

This morning I came in
To feel her heartbeat again
But her heart had stopped
No one could say when

The one girl in my life
The one I adored
I met her at work
In the hospice ward

Rate X/10, I'm trying to get better at writing but I've hit a "brick wall" of sorts.

[Ad Bot]

[Block1zilla]

0/10 no shrek

[RaR]

lol is op having a romantic day

[rockslide26]

lol is op having a romantic day

not really?

[Caribou]

It was excellent and very creative. I loved it and was satisfied enough to read the whole thing. 10/10 without a doubt. You have a skill, poetry is your thing. I thought that poem was great (more than great).

[rockslide26]

It was excellent and very creative. I loved it and was satisfied enough to read the whole thing. 10/10 without a doubt. You have a skill, poetry is your thing. I thought that poem was great (more than great).

thank you, that just made my day a little brighter<3

[Caribou]

thank you, that just made my day a little brighter<3

I'm glad it did then, a lot of talented people like you do not get enough motivation to achieve their dreams. Motivation and determination is all it takes to move ahead and pursue a career.

[rockslide26]

I'm glad it did then, a lot of talented people like you do not get enough motivation to achieve their dreams. Motivation and determination is all it takes to move ahead and pursue a career.

I guess I'd like to write if I got a little better at it and had the motivation

[Niff]

10/10 botyful

No really, that was amazing, keep it up man

[KingPimpdaddy]

brother that was gay as forget learn some real poems (raps) doe!

Code: [Select]

Okay, I need 50k large (right now)
My momma need a new crib (right now)
My daddy need a new car (right now)
So I be goin' so hard (right now)

Detroit is my yard (right now)
I need a 17 car garage (right now)
I need a 17 broad menage (right now)
I need a jail house to free my dogs (right now)

[hodototman]

i wrote a poem too

roses are blue
violets are red
i think as a kid
i was dropped on my head

also that was a beautiful poem, i love your wording. You need to do this more often.

[Niff]

-lolehashtagyoloswag-

please go away

[rockslide26]

A rap for you, Kingentrepreneur daddy

I killed a brother
I forget all the bitches
My bank account gets bigga
snitches get stitches

[Caribou]

I guess I'd like to write if I got a little better at it and had the motivation

If you really want to take a shot at being a poet, you need to be a lot more willing and be able to tell yourself "I can do it". It is an annoyance to publish a book, but now with E-Book technology you could always write a book/poetry using digital technology without having to pay thousands to editors and publishers.

[Katadeus]

Could be a little better, it feels like you're straining against the format. You're rhyming for the sake of rhyming, and not for the line that has to end up rhyming.
8/10 and that's me being harsh and hypocritical.