Wait one more
What is your age in goldfish seconds?
Well let's assume the average goldfish lives 10 years, and the average human 75.
That would be 7.5 years per year, for a goldfish.
There are 3.15569e7 seconds in a year. Multiplied by 7.5 that would be 236676750 seconds in a goldfish year.
Therefore (I assume?) I would be 3550151250 goldfish seconds old.
Have you ever molested a household pet?