I'm sorry to hear that and forgive those who acted greedy :/. Being religious actually has been spiritually blinding people from connecting to God having a true encounter with God. By religious I mean ( omg did you see that!? He ate meat on Wednesday thats a sin :o) Everyone sins, no one is holy here on earth except the Lord! But don't get confused with, "Oh we can sin, it's okay!" no it is not okay. You have got to try to keep a righteous heart and mind and follow the lord, follow God, Jesus died on the cross so we can repent our sins, I even say sorry to God single night, because we sin everyday and you cannot avoid it (thats why us Christians have spiritual battles constantly)
you're probably going to run a higher risk of hippocampal atrophy later in life, judging by the way you describe the constant need to apologize for sins you commit everyday.
OT: i think organized religion is absolutely stupid, and so is atheism. there's no way on earth that you can ever know what happened before time, so aligning with one specific direction is extremely inefficient. i prefer to stay neutral because i don't have to pretend that i know. i guess i could say i'm a secular humanist, but i don't like some aspects of it, so yeah.
tl;dr: don't pretend that you know what happened before time existed. live life to its fullest potential and wait until something presents itself.
I tried to speak to god once, by surrounding myself with buttercream-scented Candles and lathering my bare chest with Molly McButter, chanting the prayers of a long-lost civilization. Then this old lady came up to me and told me I had to leave the Christmas Tree Shop
10/10
