so I'm just going to vent because apparently this is blogland forums right? feel free to ignore if you dont like vents thx
okay
well okay so I moved away from my home town which I lived in for prolly 11 years and went to live with my father in a new place. I was anticipating this move since I was 15 years old, ready and willing.
However things seem better in plan but not in execution.
I left behind all my friends and a very lovely girlfriend. stuff starting falling apart left and right. Communications with old friends became scarce, girlfriend and I broke up and talked less with each passing day. I began to waste my time away playing loving vidya and changing nonstop. loving became something I thought I never would be (not a landshark, but nice guess). I made very few friends in this new place, had some hang outs, went to a couple parties, hotboxed with a midget (no stuff, it was funny) and all throughout I was hoping she still held on.
Well I thought she did. We would talk a few times a week and would have good conversation, but I was always skeptical on whether or not I should throw my heart back out there. I made the mistake of putting my eggs in that basket and not worrying about myself and I just fell the forget apart. I've been in stuff creek for a loving month and I really regret not taking the time to work it out with myself.
I broke down one night after work. It was 5AM, shift ended at 4AM (early as frick) and I just sat in my car. I sat there for 2 good hours just contemplating what exactly I've done. The hasty decision of moving away. Leaving all I had to come to somewhere new where I had no real friends. I didn't want to go to my home. I didn't want to leave my car. I just wanted to go back to a time where I could stop myself.
Few days later I find myself talking to her on the phone. We get simple conversation when something makes me spill my beans and I tell her everything. I shouldn't have. But now it's all out. She was speechless and I was stuck there awkward as forget not knowing how to progress the situation. I thought that moment was a building block, but instead just dragged me down deeper. I began self-loathing and just being a loving recluse. I didn't eat very much and I spent all my time playing games. That's when I bought the new Pokemon.
I played this game rather than went on the compy and this stuff was just what I needed. I weaned myself from the computer and began eating and working out again. I was coming to the realization that I needed to focus on fixing myself before I can actually interact with other people again. I'm not a sperg who carries his ds and plays it in kmart, no. I just play it here and then and it distracts me less than the computer. But I decided to start posting on instagram again, and that's when I saw something that broke my actual heart.
She lead me on, and had a boyfriend this whole time.
Today was my turning point. I realized now that stuff starts a new, and that I have all the tools at my disposal to become the next top model or super saiyan or some stuff.
I have two paths I can down, Blockland. The good path, or the ultimate vengeful friendy path.
Why are there two paths? Because I have evidence to blackmail said girl. She sent me a nude picture while she was dating this cheese head. Oops! Now she had become persistent one day, demanding that she get the information when the picture was sent to me. I told her, but further investigation only incriminated her. She is notorious for stuff like this, though. So should I care? probably.
Now I can do that good thing, forget this bitch and then move on, improve myself and become hulk hogan.
But I would like advice. Some sound advice on what to do next. I'm old enough to understand that stuff gets better. I get that. I just want someone to read this, take it in and give me a plus one on what I should do to make myself happier.
And music too, good music makes me happy. Thanks guys.
