The Chief, as he's commonly known around the bureau, walks away in a huff before you can even open your door to greet him.
Oh well, he's a busy man with many agents under his instruction, it's understandable he wouldn't stick around to chat.
Wait... what?
Oh... oh no! This damn door! It's always getting stuck! The last time this happened it took two janitors and a sledge hammer to get you out, and you're not paying for a new door out of your salary again!
There must be something in this office you could use to get the door unstuck without breaking it.
You'd best act fast, the Chief will be wondering what else could take you so long.
It's not really going to get the door open, but I suppose it isn't going to hurt to take a quick look at today's headlines, just to be sure you're absolutely briefed on what we, and the media, already know.
In what seems like just another robbery in the string of bizarre thievery sweeping the small state, the reports came in early yesterday morning about a missing nuclear reactor in one of the power plants located in Sticklerville, Rhode Island.
Local police are saying the theft is nearly, if not completely, impossible given that the robberies have taken place without even one tiny shard of evidence.
"It's just not possible," said one officer that morning. "I don't even begin to know how the hell you could move a contraption so [...] big without even showing so much of a scratch on the door!"
The sheriff of the town was present during the investigation but refused to comment on the situation or answer an of the raising suspicions that the people of Sticklerville have that the police force can't actually keep them safe when a group is running around committing effortlessly elaborate heists without so much as a trace.
He did, however, have one thing to tell this reporter.
"If we find those [...] involved with that supposed Clockwork Orange Gang and they know anything about this, they'd best run away while they still can because we are no longer afraid to bring force to their doors."
The Clockwork Orange Gang, a new and notorious group of terrorists running around the eastern area of the united states stealing large items like this and leaving not even a small amount of evidence, once again left a note to their crime, the only link that even exists in the investigation.
"WE R LIEK CLOCKWERK, WE R LEGOIN, WE WILL MAEK OUR ANCESTURS PROU. TEA TIME IS ON AGUN [sic]" reads the typed out note, and it's exactly the same as the one previous. What does it mean? Should we be worried? Perhaps answers can be found before it's too late, at least this reporter hopes so, for all of our sake's.
The article is continued on page 53 of the paper, but it's nothing more than a retelling of the previous thefts, something you need nothing to know of just yet. Right now you need to focus on the case at hand.
But, more importantly, right now you need to focus on getting that door open, and soon.
