Aight
Starting with Bluetooth, not bad.
Here's something:
A Squirrel's Life
Scurrying 'cross the black broom-handle,
Diving into the crackling brush.
Peeking out - now quickly disappear'd.
Chattering loudly - now a hush.
Breaking nuts free from their prison shells,
Only to whittle them down with razor teeth.
Alert to all sights and sounds and smells;
Like a miniature Indian chief.
All day playing, laughing, running,
Pausing - then darting to and fro.
A squirrel's life is the life for me -
Good thing I'm a squirrel, y'know.
Another:
Off The Mark
Marty was nailing with the hammer,
Hammer rose, and hammer fell.
Marty's hammer missed the nail head,
And now his thumb ain't doin' well.
In particular what stood out to me the most in A Squirrel's Life were the decisions you made in the first stanza. The "'cross" and "disappear'd" weren't really necessary to abbreviate, because generally that's just a way of establishing a rhythm, and you don't seem to have a rhythmic scheme, though the next two lines are nicely inverted in syllabic structure.
Second stanza was very nice, no real complaints there.
Third stanza just seemed out of place. The rest of the poem was descriptive and impersonal. All of a sudden, you introduce the idea of the poem being from the perspective of the squirrel, and the language is much less formal. It seemed like something that would belong in a different poem.
Off The Mark was pretty funny, I liked it. However, "nail head" adds nothing more than "nail," and is just less elegant. It also doesn't really add to the meter. I'm not entirely sure about the pattern, but you'd probably either want to add a syllable or subtract one, since it was 9/7/8/7, and the 8 doesn't really fit (discounting the "and" on the last line.) If every other syllable is stressed, it flows better without the "head."
Since there isn't any rhyme between the first and third lines anyhow, you might do well to avoid saying "hammer" twice in a row. The phrasing on the first line is a bit awkward anyhow, so it might be worth looking at that.
I see the doors and I do not touch them
for I am just a shell of a man
I cannot walk, I cannot touch, I cannot feel
for I am just a shell of a man.
I am all bark and no bite
for I am just a shell of a man
Sometimes it does get lonely,
inside this shell that I am,
but most of the time, I bide it
Eventually I'll get cracked open,
inside this shell that I am,
but not today.
Sometimes I wish I could touch,
and feel, and love,
and hold any sort of reaction,
Sometimes I wish I could bite,
but I can't,
for I am just a shell of a man.
It is okay,
being the shell of a man.
It could be worse,
being the shell of a man.
I could be the shell,
the lonely shell of a man.
But I am not lonely.
I do well,
as a shell of a man.
I am hollow and wide,
because I am a shell of a man.
But I'm fine.
I am fine,
as a shell of a man.
Ok.
My first point of attack, so to speak, would be the contradiction in the third and second to last stanzas. The character says he is the shell of a man, says that it could be worse than being the shell of a man, and then proceeds to say that what could be worse would be that he was a shell of a man.
Your use of the word "bide" is a little strange. If you're referencing back to time, then you could probably phrase it in such a way as to eliminate confusion; perhaps "but I bide most of my time" or something along those lines.
"Not today" sounds a bit overly dramatic for your purposes.
Otherwise, idk if I can really give much advice. I'm not really accustomed to the level of repetition that you're using, and it is so essential to the poem that I dare not criticize it.
But thank you for the complement, I do appreciate it.
I don't really share that kind of stuff often.
