Zanaran: 3 - Not revived, but someone was kind enough to grab you before you burned.
Electrk: 5, 2 - You now have in your possession a stuffton of Liquor.
Lancelot: 6, 2 - They get out of the tavern and heal your team but also heal the hats! +10HP to everyone.
Biohazard: 2 - You tear off his arm and force-feed it to him, but he is not revived. Also, that's disgusting. Go wash your hands.
Cyber: 2 - You reach for it, but accidentally drop it and it gets melted too much to be usable. You manage to escape with your life.
Flatflyer: 2 (what's with that?) - You attempt to move the flames, but just end up adding more oxygen. The tavern is burning faster.
Legodude: 4 - You pull off a pretty snazzy dance. 2 of the hats don't move this turn.
Jarelash: 4 - You make quite the decent weapon, but will need to buy some extra parts to make it functional.
Child: 2 - You fumble and drop the scimitar while running towards the hats. Abort!
Swat: You roll for some values...
Funds: 5 * 25 = 125
Workshop: 6 * 25 + 100 = 250
Factory: 3 * 50 + 300 = 350, after buying a workshop
Weapon production rate per turn: 4 ^ -1; 1/4
Weapon quality: 6/6 (Superb)
Gold cost per weapon: 3 * 5 + 10 = 25
Vehicle production rate per turn: (3 * 2) ^ -1; 1/6
Vehicle quality: 6/6 (Superb)
Gold cost per vehicle: 4 * 10 + 20 = 60
New design time (in turns): 6 / 2 = 3
New design cost (in Gold): 2 * 20 = 40
When you upgrade to the factory, this will all be re-rolled and you can pick which values to keep and which to replace. The first number in every calculation is the roll.
Results:
The hats hit player 3 and 9 for 12 damage.
Lancelot: 84/100
Charles: 98/100
Legodude: 98/100
Snake: 98/100
Child: 88/100
All others are at full health.
Cap - DEAD
Trilby - 40/100 - Afterburn 5
Bowler - 40/100 - Afterburn 5
Beret - 40/100 - Afterburn 5
Beanie - 40/100 - Afterburn 5