Transformers: Age of Extinction sucks

[Kevso]

This movie was a huge disappointment. The wall of text below sums it up nicely.

In Transformers: Age of Extinction, the Transformers are America’s most wanted. After the Fall of Chicago, CIA operative Harold Attinger (Kelsey Grammar) assembles Cemetery Wind, a strike team tasked with exterminating the remaining Autobots and Decepticons. His secret weapon is Lockdown, an intergalactic mercenary on a mission to capture Optimus Prime.

In rural Texas, struggling robotics inventor Cade Yeager (Mark Wahlberg) and his partner Lucas (T.J. Miller) purchase an old semi-truck in hopes of stripping it down for parts. Turns out the ol’ rust bucket is Optimus Prime (Peter Cullen), leader of the Autobots and the U.S. government’s public enemy number one.


When Cemetery Wind comes looking for Optimus, Cade and his daughter Tessa (Nicola Peltz) escape with her boyfriend (Jack Reynor), an Irish rally car driver. Optimus rallies the remaining Autobots – Bumblebee, Drift, Hound and Crosshairs – and travel with their human allies to Chicago.

Enter yet another villain, future-tech tycoon Joshua Joyce (Stanley Tucci) of Kinetic Solutions Incorporated. Joyce discovers “Transformium,” the building block of all Transformers. Using the remains of Megatron, he creates his own robotic prototype, Galvatron.

You can probably guess where things are going: Optimus Prime and the Autobots battle Galvatron, Lockdown, and an army of Decepticons, while idiotic, insufferable human characters navigate an obstacle course of twisted metal, thunderous explosions, hellacious gunfire, and product placement. Oh, and there are giant robot dinosaurs too. Why? Don’t worry about it.

Like the previous three installments in Michael Bay‘s blockbuster franchise, Age of Extinction is an endurance test – a loud, incoherent assault on the senses. These movies are like cinematic concussions. After Bay bashes your brain in for 165 minutes, you’re left nauseous and disoriented. A few hours later, you can’t remember a damn thing.

This is commerce over creativity at its finest worst. Bud Light, Chevy, Beats by Dre, Red Bull, Victoria’s Secret – the amount of product placement in this film is astounding. There’s literally a Transformer branded by OREO in this goddamn movie! When Bay shifts gears and moves the “plot” from Chicago to Beijing, the integrated ads are for Asian bottled water, exotic milks, and a dragon-shaped hotel called Pangu Plaza.

When scenes aren’t focused on fulfilling contractual obligations, they devolve into random, bizarre asides that have absolutely nothing to do with anything. This is a movie about giant space robots who ride fire-breathing dinosaur robots, right? So why is half of the film devoted to Wahlberg’s over-protective father and his futile attempts to keep his daughter a virgin?

At one point, Wahlberg threatens to call the cops on Tessa’s older boyfriend (you know, for statutory rape). The Irish bad boy responds by pulling out a photocopy of a Texas law that gives him the legal right to have love with Wahlberg’s 17-year-old daughter. WHY!? Why is this unnecessary, cringe-worthy bit in an already bloated children’s movie!?

In Michael Bay films, men are aggressive psychopaths or spineless perverts. Women are nothing more than walking, talking mini skirts, and every ethnicity is reduced to a stereotype. In this installment, Bay injects his signature brand of “racial humor” with an Asian Autobot (Ken Watanabe) that looks like a samurai and speaks in haiku. Oh and his name is Drift. You know, like Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift?

Transformers: Age of Extinction is the laziest, dullest entry in this franchise – and that’s saying a lot. Initially, I had hopes that this reboot (the first film in a new trilogy) would be an upgrade – replacing Shia LaBeouf and John Turturro’s ass cheeks with Mark Wahlberg – but not even Marky Mark can save the script by Ehren Kruger. Kruger’s embarrassingly poor screenplay is jam-packed with useless scenes, awful characters, and truckloads of exposition that no one – including Bay and the actors – gives a damn about.

There is, however, one genuinely cool thing about this movie, and that’s Lockdown (Mark Ryan). He’s basically the Boba Fett of the Transformers universe, a bad-ass bounty hunter who works on behalf of a mysterious alien race known as the “Creators.” He pilots an enormous spaceship that acts as a prison for his bounties, overcrowded with exotic extraterrestrials in cages.

If Age of Extinction focused on Lockdown and his vendetta with Optimus Prime, and lost 45 minutes of bad jokes and terrible human drama, it could be a damn entertaining movie. Unfortunately, as long as Bay and Kruger are involved, these films will never be anything other than disappointing. And it’s a shame too, because there’s so much potential in this franchise – but Bay is more concerned with shooting commercials than telling a decent story.

Source: http://www.geeksofdoom.com/2014/06/30/movie-review-transformers-age-extinction

tl;dr: Bad acting, trys to hard to be funny, story is confusing, New actors suck, bad plot twists, etc.

/Discuss the dissapointment

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[Torin0101]

If someone could quote my post from the teaser thread, I could explain why I'd knew this movie would be a disaster before it even came out.

[Qwepir]

actually its the best of the franchise (though thats not saying much). the robots (you know, the things you went to the movie to see) actually had lines and character interactions instead of just being CGI boners made manifest. of course the critics don't give a stuff because they always call bay's movies stuff but saying it's the weakest movie in the franchise is flat out wrong

still pooprichard though and i wish michael bay would just die in an explodey car crash so they could get someone who gives a stuff to do the movies

also spoiler warning: here's the ending
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YUXjoInekU4

[childofdarkness016]

Is there ironic enjoyment, even??

[Aces]

How about hell no?

That movie was pretty loving good.
Only complaint was that they got rid of the vets.

[BubbaGum]

I was supposed to go see that tonight with my friends until I realized  that I dont have any friends so I didnt go see it

[Qwepir]

How about hell no?

That movie was pretty loving good.
Only complaint was that they got rid of the vets.

I like that the robots are now characters but that just makes me want them to reboot the franchise because anyone I could have possibly gave a stuff about is already gone.

[Aces]

I like that the robots are now characters but that just makes me want them to reboot the franchise because anyone I could have possibly gave a stuff about is already gone.

True.

I did like the samurai one and the green one alot, though.

[Kearn]

why does nicola peltz always manage to get herself into awful movies

[Alkatjo]

I'm glad they got rid of Shia LaBeouf, I swear he screamed too much in the earlier films. The new guy seems like a rambling idiot though *SPOILER ALERT* Kind of glad the surfer dude died.

But anyway, the new characters seemed overly stereotypical. Giant American beer buster heavy gunner, Japanese swordsman, Australian gunslinger... At least they kept Bumblebee.

[Renekar]

SPOILER ALERT: there are 234 explosions (or at least over 200)

[Foxscotch]

The new guy seems like a rambling idiot though

EXCUSE YOU??!???? that is mark wahlberg and you better watch your frickin mouth
unless you mean the character. but if you're talking about marky mark im gonna punch you in the gut

[xxxxkill]

I did like the samurai one and the green one alot, though.

The samurai one is Drift and holy loving stuff his redesign is a loving travesty in the middle of the travesty that is Bayformers.
It's like somebody went up to the designers and said "Hey there's this guy named Drift, he uses katanas and has heavy Japanese influences" and they thought "SAMURAI"
"SAMURAAAAIIIII"
Not even going to bother bitching about the fact that he turns into a European car.
He's a forgetin' Gundam god damn.

[.:FancyPants:.]

this movie fell behind the first and the third for me, but it wasn't terrible. the product placement, as many have said, was too noticeable.

love crosshairs' design, but his personality is a pain.

Kind of glad the surfer dude died.

aw screw you man i liked him :(

i wish michael bay would just die in an explodey car crash

i can't stop laughing at this

[takato14]

I knew it was going to be stuff by the loving trailer