So some bitch from my school took a selfe with my bike and now makes fun of me.

[espio100]

She is clearly older than 12... she is probably like 16-18

nah, she is 13 or so.
also she said that she doesnt want to steal my bike because its ugly and hers is nicer because it has a pink bell or somethig
well atleast I didnt have to suck richard for 5 bucks to pay it of.

[Ad Bot]

[auzman466]

also she said that she doesnt want to steal my bike because its ugly and hers is nicer because it has a pink bell or somethig

oh yes, because a pink bell makes your bike god damn luxurious
my tires are flat, my chain is rusted, but god DAMN look at my loving bell

well atleast I didnt have to suck richard for 5 bucks to pay it of.

OOOO DAAAAAAAMN is that the most boring comeback ever. these are the kind of retorts that require friends to back you up. on top of that, like trinick said, your retorts need to step above the insult of your enemy. i'm going to quote his entire post, because you made no reaction to it, and it's the best serious post i've seen in this thread.

Oh man. When someone insults you, place yourself above them with your retort. Also, don't turn your own argument into a straw man by making assertions that are clearly false, such as that they confuse you with Harry Potter. They don't actually think you're Harry Potter, they know for a fact you are not and make fun of you for it.

You kind of just have to take a lot of those hits. Especially the one about you conjuring a new bike, since that was actually clever and funny you're kind of forgeted by that one. You also really can't argue that you're not gay because that's so cliche that it'll just provide fodder for them to make fun of you with.

The best one to argue against is that you're Harry Potter. I personally would do this by figuratively catching the punches. For example, posting something like "Broomstick got old, guys. Upgraded to this beast." It's literally no fun to make fun of someone for something that they're willing to accept. It also diffuses the rest of the things they can say about it. Like, this would never happen:
"Hey Harry Potter, where's your broom at?"
"Left it at home today, sorry!"
"Pfff... Harry Potter nerd!!!!"

At that point they just sound stupid. So you can just laugh it off and ignore them, you literally don't need to say anything. The second thing it does is it puts you in a position to make a jab back. Like so:
"Hey Harry Potter, where's your broom at?"
"Left it at home today, sorry. Sounds like you did the same with your sense of humor."

Boom. Owned. You don't even have to say anything that clever, as long as it doesn't sound stupid it's a KO. There's literally nothing they can say to insult you back without sounding stupid unless it's REALLY clever.

You've also got it easy because it's on the internet. You literally have a ton of time to hand craft your replies to be clever, funny, and sharp. In real life you can't stop and think of a retort.

[espio100]

OOOO DAAAAAAAMN is that the most boring comeback ever.

:(
Well I heard rumors she sucks richard for emone wich is probably not true.

[hillkill]

:(
Well I heard rumors she sucks richard for emone wich is probably not true.

i suck richard for emone ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

[Aoki²]

i suck richard for emone ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

having your cake and eating it too ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

[SeventhSandwich]

:(
Well I heard rumors she sucks richard for emone wich is probably not true.

well then you just defeated your own comeback.

any chance of you salvaging your reputation with these people is foiled because you have no clever retorts. I'd say your best choice of action is just to completely ignore them like they don't exist and associate with other people.

[jtizzle]

will do
Or I can bomb it.

whats scary is i can tell youre the type of kid in the exact same beta/bullied position as the archetype honor student

ill put down $10 rn that somewhere in the next 6 years or so you have left in school you will at least seriously consider or almost pull off if not successfully pull off a massacre in your school

[Cargøn]

Whenever there's a thread like this people always say that the first option is to deck a motherforgeter because clearly every single forumer is actually hulk hogan and will 100% win every fight they undeniably instigate

[MrKitKat]

"where's your broom at harry?"
"i left it parked in your mom's pusillanimous individual"

[espio100]

"where's your broom at harry?"
"i left it parked in your mom's pusillanimous individual"

holy stuff that is amazing.

[jtizzle]

hey kid look all jokes aside you got picked on by some stuffty kids but as someone who has seen this situation go way worse i would highly advise that you dont follow the stuffty advice of trying to further the situation.  considering where it could go it really isnt that bad as long as you dont try to do what everyone in this thread is telling you to do by getting physical or typing out some legendary coolkid101 comeback online.  just ignore the bullying and do you, because the realer you are in this world the less you will even notice or be bothered by this type of thing

[Ragequit]

Whenever there's a thread like this people always say that the first option is to deck a motherforgeter because clearly every single forumer is actually hulk hogan and will 100% win every fight they undeniably instigate

WHAT CHA GONNA DO WHEN HULK HOGAN RUNS WILD ON YOU BROTHER

[$trinick]

"where's your broom at harry?"
"i left it parked in your mom's pusillanimous individual"

When I was writing my post and thinking of examples soooo many 'your mom' related replies came into my head. Lemme see if I can remember some.

'Hey Harry Potter, where's your broom at?"

'Left it at your mom's place last night. Sorry.'
'Ask your mom.' / 'Lemme call your mom and see.'
'Broke it in your mom. She owes me a new one.'
'In the shop. Your mom wore off the finish.'


How come there are no legitimate school bombers? Like, good ol' Eric and Dylan incorporated bombs into their assault, but the bombs got stage fright when it was time for them to shine. How come there's no crazy chem nerd who doesn't show up to school today and promptly 10 minutes into lunch the whole damn cafeteria is decimated by bombs strapped to the underside of the tables? Can you even imagine how much that'd forget with the psyche of the kids that survived? They'd be waddling around on their two stump legs, falling over in catatonic fear every time someone dropped a book for the rest of their life.

[tails]

Man you're sweary for a 14 year old. You really shouldn't have cared in the first place.

Also invest in a bike lock.

[$trinick]

Man you're sweary for a 14 year old.

protip: the adjective you're looking for is 'profane.'