Okay.
So like, a while ago, I was out in the kitchen cleaning stuff up as usual. It's a friday, and I'm in my pajama's, and as I'm putting away clean dishes, it feels like i'm getting a front wedgie from my PJ's. It's annoying but whatever, gotta put away dishes.
However when I finish, my leg feels loving chaffed like your richard after you jerked off more than three times in a day without lube, so i walk into the washroom and go take a look where this terrible feeling of raw skin is.
Now I'm sitting on the side of the tub, and i drop pantalones to about "I could jerk off but if i get caught they slide up easily" height, and I look to my right side where my fat sack rubs up against my leg and it's like an annoying little wobbuffet of skin, and it's really loving sensitive when i touch it.
Logic follows that I tug on it as hard as possible. Hurts like a forgeter and nothing happens. Okay, I try scratching it off with my fingernail and still nothing happens.
Alright forgeter. So I google skin tag because thats what it is and I know thats what it is, and a stupid wikihow article recommends doing some stuff with dental floss and tightening the string every so often for like a day like a choir boys testicles, but that takes over 24 hours, and this thing is annoying, and I want it gone now.
So i go grab myself some waxed mint dentalfloss (the best kind of surgical precision, plus the wax seals the wound with delicious flavour so the scab makes a great snack) and toss my PJ's across the bathroom, tie a small knot around this little forgeter and start yanking from both sides. The base of it starts bleeding a bit but it's no big deal, i'm not a bitch, and I start yanking forward and this little flat flop of skin has turned into a big red bubble, and it flies off my loving body and hits the cabinent that holds all of our cleaning stuff.
now my leg is bleeding a little bit. and by a bit i mean a significant enough amount of blood that surprises me because the whole is less than a millimetre wide, and i open the medicine box to look for bandaids, but forget me sideways, there are no bandaids in the big mirror box.
so i waddle downstairs with a towel draped around my front end, along with it sandwiched between my ballsack and leg to absorb any bloody drippage, walk into our cold room, grab a box of bandaids, and walk back upstairs to the washroom, place a bandaid over the wound, and put my pj's back on.
job well done right?
well not really, as soon as i stand up and start walking back to my room. i realize the terrible mistake i made. it's important to note this bleeding is coming from an area near the genitalia, therefore, it is surrounded by a magical forest of extra salty dorito dust, hair, and sock particles. and i'm walking to my room and it feels like someone slapped a huge line of duct tape throughout my crotch.
only once some of the hairs disconnected to allow for more "wiggle room", did it feel fine after.
so there's the story about how i got my doctorate in medical studies without leaving my bedroom. trust me, i'm a whale biologist.
