Test Subject #10202456 - Chapter 1 finished! for the time being...

[Zanaran2]

I've had this idea for several years now of a group of people who obtain pseudo-telekinetic powers from an unidentified object striking them from space, and I've been trying to get it on paper since. However, school and sloth started kicking in and I never really got far past the first few chapters. I'll try to push through and finish this project of mine, and hopefully turn it into something better, like a book or even a a game.

This thread's probably gonna die/end up with me, like, lovetuple posting because a lot of folks prefer to see pictures than long walls of text (hence why all creative writing threads die in a matter of days)

Link to the google docs site.

Chapter List:
Chapter 1 - Spark in the Sky
Chapter 2 - working on after revising Ch. 1

Criticism and suggestions are greatly appreciated, just make it constructing instead of bashing my story into the ground, kay? Comments will be cleared every few weeks because I don't want the entire thing to be all cluttered. Also, do not guarantee that what you see now is going to be the final version, as I will be constantly working on and improving this thing.

[Ad Bot]

[foulprairiedog]

a group of people who obtain pseudo-telekinetic powers from an unidentified object striking them from space

so... Chronicle?

[Zanaran2]

so... Chronicle?

I never saw that film so I wasn't sure if I was plagiarizing.  The premise is extremely similar, though of course I'll try and make things way different.

[Zanaran2]

Just updated the first chapter, added a few new scenes, removed all the "said"s and all that other creative writing gobbledygook

[Cybertails1998]

"[the first human to die in a superpowered final boss fight. rest in richards super-homo Gibson Guitars, 2XXX-forget]" I said sarcastically, blocking out the loving spoiler

on a serious note that was a surprisingly decent read, even though the thing at the end came too early and made the whole story look dumb

[Maxxi]

"last night at 1:54 PM"
uhh
neat idea though

[Zanaran2]

"last night at 1:54 PM"
uhh
neat idea though

oh stuff I didn't notice, gonna fix that lol

"[the first human to die in a superpowered final boss fight. rest in richards super-homo Gibson Guitars, 2XXX-forget]" I said sarcastically, blocking out the loving spoiler

on a serious note that was a surprisingly decent read, even though the thing at the end came too early and made the whole story look dumb

[terry lies, gibson dies]

[redoctober2009]

Plot twist: They discover that the "object from space" was a hallucination and the powers are actually side-effects of a deadly brain tumor which enables them to use 100% of their brain.

[kidplasma]

Is chapter one not finished or something, or is there somewhere im supposed to go, because it ends at "I immediately opened the Internet," the comma leading me to think there is more.

[Zanaran2]

Is chapter one not finished or something, or is there somewhere im supposed to go, because it ends at "I immediately opened the Internet," the comma leading me to think there is more.

I was in the process of editing it, but then I fell asleep on my computer. I was just retconning a bunch of the story. I'll back up the latest version and then switch when I finish my edit.

[Zanaran2]

Huh. This doesn't sound familiar at all.

[foulprairiedog]

so does the description of the game actually matter to the story
or are you just showing off your game :V

[Zanaran2]

so does the description of the game actually matter to the story
or are you just showing off your game :V

hey I was making a dumb reference
the story takes place in the distant future, so in the story's timeline [densitron] was just made

[foulprairiedog]

unless densitron shows up later in the story and does something there's not really any point to explain the game mechanics

[Slab Bulkhead]

so this is just chronicle but in the future? Why?

unless densitron shows up later in the story and does something there's not really any point to explain the game mechanics

and even then, it's still horribly noticeable foreshadowing.