How to make annoying kid leave me alone without being a douche?

[Sheepocalypse]

So there's this kid at my school named Miguel. He thinks I'm his best friend.
He wont shut the literal forget up about politics, super smash bros, Minecraft, CIA, boring stuff ect... He also thinks I care which I do not.
He brings Legos (including Lego Minecraft figurines) to school with him every day. (NOTE: we are both freshmen in high school.)
He doesn't have autism because he makes jokes about autists constantly.
Everyone ever has told Miguel to shut up, but his response stays the same as "YOU HAVE TO KILL ME FIRST!!!11!", "YOU HAVE TO SHOVE A PENCIL IN MY NECK FIRST!!!111!" or, "ILL SHUT UP WHEN I'M DEAD!111!!!"

This gets on my nerves. I hang with a group of kids who don't take no stuff. During my lunch period, he's started to migrate to my table and talk non stop about the stuff mentioned above. I feel really bad for my friends because they have to deal with him because he thinks I'm his friend.
Earlier today he had some nose bleed and was wiping it on his hands and eating it. He tried to be funny and actually got some of his nasal blood onto my paperwork and I nearly threw up.

My friends actually flipped stuff on Miguel multiple times, but continues with the same response, same bullstuff and attitude. I've actually told him to be quiet a few times (But not in rage, or annoyance like everyone else who can't deal with his stuff.)

And I'm not the huge ego tough guy around school, I don't snap on people, and I don't have the heart to tell this kid to leave me the forget alone because he's the kind of kid who would shoot up the school one day or something, and I (?kinda?) feel bad for him but seriously, I can see why he has limited friends.

TL;DR annoying kid is annoying and I don't have heart to tell him to stop

What do


EDIT: He has no friends and I don't want him to kill himself over it or something.

[Ad Bot]

[Amerax]

He doesn't have autism because he makes jokes about autists constantly.

Im glad this important detail was included.

Honestly, dont worry about being a douche. You're a freshman, just tell him to forget off. It wont matter in the long run, and itll save you a lot of stress or whatever.

[Foxscotch]

I hang with a group of kids who don't take no stuff.
they have to deal with him because he thinks I'm his friend.

bit of a contradiction
just get your friends to tell him to back off?

[Sheepocalypse]

bit of a contradiction
just get your friends to tell him to back off?

They've tried, and are actually starting to hate on me because he follows me around constantly when I want to be with my friends.

[Camel]

fun fact: most kids who seem like they're gonna "shoot up a school", aren't gonna shoot up a school.

the problem is this kid is socially inept from what you've said, and he doesn't seem to have many friends. Now when you don't have a lot of friends in school, you will put up with a LOT of stuff to hang out with people. He jokes around at your guys berating of him because he wants to pass it off as a joke so he can keep on hanging out with you guys. When i had no friends in sixth grade i gladly hung out with guys who called me names and treated me like stuff cus i had no one else.

he's latched on you for some reason, can you think of any reason why? similar interests? you were nice to him once or something? if you want him to leave you alone you just gotta leave HIM alone. your friends beating on him and you doing nothing isn't gonna change anything

btw, if your friends ostracize you cus someone follows you around, they don't sound like great friends.

[McJob]

They've tried, and are actually starting to hate on me because he follows me around constantly when I want to be with my friends.

I was in a similar situation. You just gotta ignore him since he wants attention.

Honestly, that's the truth of the situation. You give him attention, and so he's sticking to you. Ignore him. The silent game is what will get him to quit.

[Slab Bulkhead]

I hang with a group of kids who don't take no stuff.

Oh, so you're part of the ᴋᴏᴏʟ ᴋɪᴅs ᴋʟᴜʙ?

[Sheepocalypse]

he's latched on you for some reason, can you think of any reason why? similar interests? you were nice to him once or something?

Yeah, I was assigned a group project with him and I was almost certain he had autism so I tried to be nice to him.

I was in a similar situation. You just gotta ignore him since he wants attention.

I try my best.
Irrelevant: He also taps on my shoulder every time he says something. (This includes getting my attention when I'm ignoring him.)

[General]

Have you tried to get him to stop being annoying by having a personal conversation with him about what people think?

off-but-on topic: Lol I remember early school years. I figured the older I grew either annoying people dropped out of school or they stopped being annoying (probably matured), and everyone in my year seems to get along now.

[McJob]

Irrelevant: He also taps on my shoulder every time he says something. (This includes getting my attention when I'm ignoring him.)

Hopefully he doesn't bore down your shoulder with the amount of tapping he's going to try :P

But yeah, he's young and so he'll take the hint sooner or later that you're tired of his behaviour. Just do your best to ignore him if he tries anything stupid, like fake crying.

[McJob]

Have you tried to get him to stop being annoying by having a personal conversation with him about what people think?

People like this don't understand. They physically can't logically construct that they're the problem. They think everybody is laughing with them, no matter how obvious they're not.

[Camel]

i'll be honest - there are times, in these situations, where there is no feasible way to get out other than waiting until he loses interest. i all of my experiences and friends experiences, there has never been anyone like this who stayed for longer than a couple months.

as far as im concerned, try speaking to him slowly and very firmly, cus that would definitely catch him off guard as opposed to yelling forget off. tell him how you feel, and then walk the forget away, and if he doesn't get it repeat that. you gotta be firm.

just remember that as much as you feel that you're suffering his situation is worse than yours. don't needlessly be a richard.

[General]

People like this don't understand. They physically can't logically construct that they're the problem. They think everybody is laughing with them, no matter how obvious they're not.

And you're 100% right, I just had this hope that maybe somehow he'd understand and that would prevent him from getting hurt by other people making fun of him

[Sheepocalypse]

And you're 100% right, I just had this hope that maybe somehow he'd understand and that would prevent him from getting hurt by other people making fun of him

We don't really make fun of him, just if he sits near some of my friends, they'll get all hostile and stuff.

[Amerax]

We don't really make fun of him, just if he sits near some of my friends, they'll get all hostile and stuff.

Ask him politely to go kill himself.

Maybe he'll  take the hint and do it.