Weirdest stories you've been told in your family

[Col. Derontchi]

i see a recurring theme of military service and bad decisions

nah

[Ad Bot]

[BluetoothBoy]

My dad (when he was a kid mind you) tried sticking a banana in the fan to "chop" it. Needless to say it didn't chop well...

He also once loaded the dishwasher with dish soap. For some reason back then, his kitchen had carpet. When his family got home, they were welcomed with a soap filled kitchen.

[IkeTheGeneric]

my dad almost invested in apple, but then he decided to buy a guitar or smth instead

good job father

also my great great aunt used to hear voices in her attic that she thought were drug dealers. she kept persisting about it until somebody went to check and some device in her attic was picking up radio signals

[sir dooble]

My uncle fell while climbing over a barbed wire fence when he was a boy, and pierced one of his testicles.

my dad almost invested in apple, but then he decided to buy a guitar or smth instead

good job father

I assume he rocks and rolls all night, and parties every day?

[IkeTheGeneric]

I assume he rocks and rolls all night, and parties every day?

never even used it once

[BluetoothBoy]

also my great great aunt used to hear voices in her attic that she thought were drug dealers. she kept persisting about it until somebody went to check and some device in her attic was picking up radio signals

"Is this pest control? Yes, can you come over and get rid of the drug dealers in my attic?"

[Youtuber42]

My second-cousin (I think) was in the Marines, and he got black out drunk once, and his friends took him while he was out and got a face tattooed on his arse, then proceeded to take pictures of him passed out with his arse hanging out, with cigarettes in betweetn his arse cheeks in the tattoos mouth.

[Niff]

well either you're using that gif completely wrong or I've not seen a lot of people who share that story

[DestroyerOfBlocks]

well either you're using that gif completely wrong or I've not seen a lot of people who share that story

he might be unironically calling it hilarious and original but in this warped post-irony internet what can we do

[Mr Man]

Not too many interesting stories like this in my family sadly, the closest real story I've heard is when my grandfather was telling me about how he had to go to Russia for some meeting or something right after the Soviet Union fell, and how someone tried to sneak up behind him and mug him in a park. He heard footsteps and as soon as he turned around whoever was behind him took off in the other direction.

That, and the time my dad got locked in a room with Al Gore when a building went on lockdown.

I did once hear that some great great uncle or distant cousin or someone met Ella Fitzgerald and they danced, but I don't know much about that one.

[Youtuber42]

It's because it's like oh he drew on him, unoriginal prank.

[McJob]

My Dad, my Uncle and a number of my grand/great-grand-fathers all worked/work in the funeral industry. My Dad was telling me of the time when he had to go do a pickup at a house, where the guy had a heart-attack in the bath. It was three days since he had died, and nobody had thought to check in on him until them. As a result, the bath tub was loving gross since he had actually dissolved in the water.

My Dad also told me how one of the more common things to encounter were people dying on the stuffter in such a way that they're stuck to the toilet seat, and commonly their toilet is in a separate, tiny room so getting them out is extremely difficult. The sound that's made when they pop out of the hole is apparently equivalent to a firework going off.

[XR-7]

My great great (maybe another great) uncle accidentally shot and killed himself while hunting. He was climbing over a fence and the gun went off. I think that was back in the 1930s.

My great great grandfather was killed in the 1950s or 1960s when he crashed his car into a combine harvester.

In the 1990s, my dad came out of his high school to leave. At the school, kids had to parallel park against the curb because the parking lot was reserved for staff. Anyway, my dad came out to his 1974 Ford LTD to find that some jerks who always bothered him had parked their small Mazda truck against his bumper so my dad couldn't leave. My dad went into the school and gathered a bunch of friends together and they literally carried the truck out of its parking space and dropped it in the front yard of the school.

Not long before I was born, my dad was driving a white C4 Corvette from the car dealer where he worked. He put a dealer license plate on it to make it legal and went to get gas. After getting gas, he drove to his best friend's house to show his friend the Corvette. My dad was in a hurry to get it back though. He sped off and while leaving his friend's street, he drifted around a corner and the license plate (which was held on by a magnet) flew off and landed in the road. My dad's friend saw it happen and had to sneak onto the dealer lot to give it back before my dad got in trouble.

Another time, my dad was driving a '93 Mazda RX-7 from the dealer and decided to "go the long way" back to work. He put the magnetic license plate in the window because the magnet wouldn't attach to the fiberglass/plastic body panels. He was speeding around, doing burnouts, and drifting through corners and a cop saw him. The license plate had fallen out of the window, so the cop was seeing a teenage kid driving an expensive sports car and being a dummy on the streets. The cop pulled him over and screamed at him and stuff rattling off an endless list of infractions, which would be bad for my dad at keeping his job. Luckily, my dad's boss, Bob, was known throughout the police departments as a friend. My dad was like, "Uh I work for Bob. You know, Bob?" The cop was like, "Oh yeah! I know Bob! Haha yeah he's awesome!" The discussion went on about Bob and the cop eventually said, "Yeah alright I'll let you go this time." My dad left scot free.

[mod-man]

my dad almost invested in apple, but then he decided to buy a guitar or smth instead

good job father

its funny, my dad actually told me he invested in apple, but he didnt stick with it cause he wasn't sure it'd go anywhere


lol

[bestguy22]

my uncle gave a horse a lewinsky because of a bet
im pretty sure hes a brony now
moltenkitten may be my uncle