i normally don't talk much about my personal life forums but i feel like i need to tell someone
she died at the age for 53
about 5 days ago about at evening (i wasn't really keeping track) my mother started started moaning, but tried to hide it by going upstairs into her room and locking it. my mom was a smoker addict, and developed lung cancer in her later years. we never honestly thought it would be such a big problem, and because we lived without healthcare, the hospital refused to treat her unless a emergency. later i heard a thump onto the ground upstairs. i used a lego piece to open the locked door, and found her on the ground, not breathing. we paramedics rushed her to the hospital and we soon came after. turns out she had a air attack in the lungs from all the smoke scum in her lungs. i first thought that she would recover fast, and things would be alright. yesterday, i got a called to the office in school, then hearing my dad on the phone...... im still receiving info on her death, as no one is exactly sure when or how exactly she died yet.
i sort of don't know what to feel right now.
my mom was diagnosed with bipolar syndrome when i was about 4 years old. She would always terrorize the family by screaming inside and outside, on a hourly basis. other memories sink into my mind now when i was younger. when i was younger before i had the advantage to resist, i'd often be forced to do whatever she wanted me to do. many horrifying memories of being left in the back seat of my car at 90 degrees, with no food or water, while she went to shop for clothes for 6-8 hours at a time. she always locked the door, so i thought at a young age if i opened the door, i'd be arrested. or the time when she thought a 22 year old chinese basketball player was coming to marry her in nyc, so she dragged us with her while my dad was on a business trip. we stayed their about 2 weeks and the only meals i can remember having was roasted peanuts and a bag of Cheetos. My dad screamed over the phone to the police department that she was abusing and neglecting us. the police replied "she is the parent, she can do what she wants with her children."
Later in my pre-teen years to now, im old enough to fight back if she hits me, or call the police. our family has called the police or noise complaints for 14 times. whenever the police come, and we record and say the physical and verbal things she did. the weirdest part was i learned in a program a few weeks back that the nurse said "if you are experiencing any kind of abuse, call the police and the situation will be fixed right away."
i really don't know how to react to my mom's death. she is my mom, but abused me all the way.
Rest In Peace; Qing Yu
