Once again, it falls before the 4th
not really, its just the confessions are coming in much much slower since I guess everyone's getting it out or everyone's too shy to say
But uh, here's round six.
okay uh
feel free to show this on the forums i guess, i think there's nothing here that gives away my identity, proofread it a bunch
hi
i've never done this before sorry man loving tension and stuff is killing me
SO!
My life's been a stuff hole, really. I've lost my great grandmother, my mother, I'm stuck moving between multiple places, and I have the stufftiest step-mom ever.
okay now this gonna probably be a big wall of text so i'm gonna segment this because you're tootaally gonna read this
doesn't matter if you don't, i just really need to vent for once
DEATH AND DESPAIR: THE STORY OF DESPAIR AND DEATH
why did i try and make a joke out of loss what the forget me
Okay, so, a long while ago I lost my mom. stuff had me broken in pieces, I'm still trying to get over it. People have been there and stuff, but I've never really had anyone that would know except my family. My dad's always out trucking, my brothers disabled, and I don't want to talk to him about it as he's younger and I really couldn't be okay with myself if I made him cry over it, I don't know where one of my sisters is, and the other two I just really don't want to talk about it with cause I really don't want to look like a big poof. Like, me and my mom were best friends in my eyes. I still can't bring myself to the fact she's dead, I always tell myself "she's on vacation" but I just know, y'know? And whenever I visit the grave it's just staring at it, and knowing everything that made me has been lost to the sands of time.
And about two months ago, my great grandmother died of age. It wasn't as emotional, but forget man it shot me right down to depression again. I wasn't even able to go to her funeral because of school, which made me pissed because I want to be there to share my condolences with relatives. They say it's fine but I really don't feel okay about it. She was a nice woman, really, a heart of gold.
so, this leads onto the next segment
MOVING AND (not so much) GROOVING
Because of our Mother's death, me, my lil bro and my third oldest sis moved in with my dad outside our home town, and it was awkward. My sister would never leave her room, my brother was stuck in the kitchen, my dad was either out at a farm or sleeping in the living room, and I was in my bed playing flash games.
My dad and sister fought alot, to the point where we had to get a social worker. She had to move out, and I've only talked to her around three times on lucky coincidence. Never seen her outside of social networks since.
I finally got my own room for once, that was cool, but there was the fact that my dad was also working a lorry job, and no one was there to look after me and my bro (not allowed to stay by myself), so, dad said "you'll be staying over at her's every few days or so"
At first I was like "ok cool" but we didn't get along for stuff. We'd always have conflicting points of view, and I'd just try and be nice about it. Recently, though, I'd stop outside the kitchen, and on the stairs. They talk about me, because I don't eat much stuff, cause I stay in my room often, all that. Like, yeah, forget me for being introverted. I have to visit her every two weeks or so for 3-5 days, and it's living hell if I have to sit around for more than 10 minutes with her.
speaking of introverted-nesseseseseseses
SOCIAL SIMULATOR 2011
So, during all of this was school. Primary school, then, well, secondary. I was a sensitive little guy, I guess. People would make fun of me because I wasn't the sort of "YEAH LET'S GO GET IN FIGHTS" and all, only got in detention twice. My mom's death really forgeted me over, as it was on the last month of the last year I was there, and I had to stay off the entire time, in my room, crying, which gained my hobby of drawing and playing video games. I rarely went outside, cause I didn't feel like it.
High-school happened.
Puberty changed me, like, forget man, I was the polar opposite of myself. I sound like a fog horn sometimes, and I still retained a British-American accent, not like my fellow Irish peers. I became more rowdy and outgoing, but, really, it was all because I didn't think I was normal being all sensitive, from all the mass bullying I got from being so, cyber and real.
And I was right. Because I wasn't some giant marshmallow, people tolerated me more. I just sorta rolled with it, went through the first year without a care in the world.
Next year, I was different. Gained glasses and stuff, longer hair, mustache. Basically I looked shaggy as forget.
I got some really close friends, and I sorta opened up to them. One was a bitch, though.
I went out with her, but she cut me off after three days (yeah 11/10 with relationships i know gg me i didn't even do anything wrong like wtf mayn), but we stayed as close friends.
She made me feel like stuff, though. I'd talk to her, and she'd be like "Hi." then walk off to one of her other friends. I'd finally be like "forget you" then she'd be like "oh i'm sorry", then repeat it. I finally lost it after a while though, and we just stopped talking. She literally changed me to the point where even my other close friends didn't think I was being me anymore.
So, with that, I became more helpy, but I was still in the dull.
Helped people with relationships, was an all-out guy. People say I'm laid back, calm, and "awesome" i really don't like being called that it feels weird
but, like, what i mean in this segment is
I've changed, and like, I don't know if I'm happy with it.
I was a sensitive marshmellow, and then I became a supportive buffoon. I could cheer others on, but I'll beat myself down whenever I need confidence cause I don't believe in myself, and people get mad at me for it.
So, like, I don't really know if I'm happy with myself anymore, my life's made me go through the stuffter at an early age, and still am sorta, and I'm trying to get used to just being normal, but I'm that loving scarred with mental trauma and bullying that I just don't feel like I'm important compared to anyone else.
Sorry about this, I just sorta needed to let loose.
Good luck to yourself, by the way, if you have any problems.
Cheers.
Well friendo, you just need to sorta push through the hard times like I've been saying to the others. I mean you seem to have become a better person because of it, now you're confident and you like helping others become happy, all sorts of that stuff. You even seem well adjusted about the fact you've lost pretty important people to you, something I can't even imagine going through. I'd say you're doing just fine, and don't worry, I think mainly starfishs generally (BUT NOT ALWAYS starfishS) think themselves important compared to others, the fact you don't makes you humble, allows you to see your flaws. But this arises a new problem, all you see are your flaws from what I can tell! It's tough once you get down to that stage of hating every bit of yourself, but you need to drag your feet through it and try to at least see why others think you're an amazing guy, even if you don't think so yourself.
Good luck buddy, oh, and since you're the first person to bring it up:
I'm doing this because of my problems.<3
I’ve never told anyone this. This is completely a first time confession.
I’ve been a member of Blockland and Blockland Forums since mid 2010, and was daily active until 2013.
I was a girl when I was active on the forums, but no one knew (since everyone here assumes that you’re a guy, unless stated otherwise). Everyone in talking to or mentioning me used male pronouns to address me, and I didn’t correct them. The gender on my profile was male. I was completely stealth.
And you know what? I didn’t want anyone to know that I was female. I was completely comfortable with people assuming that I was a guy. It was actually enlightening to know that I was “tricking” an entire forumbase into thinking that me, small, girly 8th grade me, had a snake. I was so happy to have a group of people who thought I was male.
I didn't know that I was questioning my gender identity at the time because I thought my forum-self was completely separate from my irl-self. I thought it was just me being afraid of getting backlash from loveists on the forum. Ohhhh boy was I wrong.
But yeah. I’m transgender.
I figure I’m coming back to this forum because this is basically where I grew up/started developing my gender identity and as I’m heading into high school as a Senior, I find myself looking back on my really, really stuffty middle school and early high school years. This is the place that comforted me whenever I was in one of my depression bubbles. I would have killed myself if it wasn't for this forum and the people that were here in ‘10-’13.
I dunno this confession seems really long and drawn out and depressing oops. I guess I just wanted to finally settle my feelings about this forum but I didn't know how to do it. Thank you for this thread, honestly.
hehehe, you're always welcome dear <3
and congrats on figuring yourself out, a lot of people struggle with being transgender, or have jumped onto the transgender train because of all the tumblr stuff goin around and they feel maybe it'll make them more unique or special. You seem to do it because you actually legitimately feel like you are, and that's the best reason. So again, party on dude, and enjoy being comfortable in your own body <3
on another note, it's kinda funky how we came back to this forum, isn't it? I was originally on this forum in later 2007 to early 2008. I moved on to different forums and websites, but eventually somehow found my way back here on blockland forums roughly a year ago or so? it's weird, isn't it? seeing a place from when you were younger, but now with new eyes.
welcome back~!
ALSO yeah theres only two, this is why I haven't posted it yet, I'm trying to get up a good amount of confessions, but I can't keep this thread alive if no one is sending them in. I'm not forcing nor am I pressuring any of you into sending your confessions in, but realize that not only does it help you feel better, it can also help others who might have problems similar to yours, but are more shy. Showing them that someone out there is in the same boat is a great way to help someone out. So feel free to send in more confessions, and don't worry, I don't judge and I do everything I can to keep you anonymous <3
