- Xanax (prescribed to me but I never learned to actually deal w/ stuff)
- Not learning how to actually hold a conversation until freshman year
- Not going to school
- Being angry
- Thinking sobriety was overrated
- Not taking anything seriously
- Not developing a good work ethic until recently
- Missing really obvious opportunities
Semi-vent time: I actually think about this a lot, but there were some decisions I made that took my life down a completely different turn than it would have gone had I picked another option, and often it was not an improvement. I like to think that I've been improving a lot in the past year by being conscious of cause and effect, which has helped a lot. I've done what I can to improve my situation, first by changing the people around myself that influence me. Now they're all wonderful, supportive people and it makes the process easier.
I think that a lot of bad decisions I made came from fear, which sounds strange. I was afraid of being alone, so I settled for having a lot of negative relationships versus a few positive ones. I was afraid of life, people, and sometimes myself. I'd black out, do dumb stuff, and then realize I forgeted up and then do it all again. Some of the most profound learning I've experienced came from mistakes, and while I'm glad for the knowledge, I really would hate to see anyone have to forget up like I did.
I think that the turning point for me was meeting someone that made me happy, and that positivity fueled my desire to change. It probably sounds really strange, but I'd never felt a real sense of belonging until recently and it was a really strange thing to feel at 2 AM on Saturday morning, like an inner warmth and energy that kept me awake and I couldn't stop smiling like an idiot. Anyway, that's my contribution.
