Admiral Obvious Writes Stuff

[Admiral Obvious]

I thought I would post a couple of my, uh, novels that I've been writing. The genre is sci-fi, with the first being more of an action/war novel and the second being an adventure/fantasy novel. And yes, you can probably see my real name somewhere, I don't care. Fell free to add comments to the doc, or feedback here.

The Harmless War

Lost Planet
(^Title is a WIP)

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[PurpleMetro]

google docs can get pretty laggy, you should probably migrate to another word processor soon if you plan on continuing these

[Foxscotch]

I don't know what "SedEm" means, which is bad. it feels like I'm missing out on something important
dunno what "N.A.W." means either, nor "F.I."
it just feels like you're piling on a whole lot of extraneous information before we have even an idea of what's actually going on. like, what's "Legislation 19609"? I have no idea, but you don't mention it again, so it doesn't seem like it's all that important right now

also, it's spelled rendezvous. just in case that's why you wrote "rondy"
if you just wanted it to sound like he was using slang then nevermind, but it's still pretty cheesy

[Admiral Obvious]

I don't know what "SedEm" means, which is bad. it feels like I'm missing out on something important
dunno what "N.A.W." means either, nor "F.I."
it just feels like you're piling on a whole lot of extraneous information before we have even an idea of what's actually going on. like, what's "Legislation 19609"? I have no idea, but you don't mention it again, so it doesn't seem like it's all that important right now

also, it's spelled rendezvous. just in case that's why you wrote "rondy"
if you just wanted it to sound like he was using slang then nevermind, but it's still pretty cheesy

Yeah, that stuff is revealed over time. Take note that this novel takes place almost 1000 years in the future, so there will be new slang and other unfamiliar terms. I try my best to naturally explain those concepts as the story goes on, but naturally might also mean slowly.

But, just so you know, SedEm is "SEDation EMbalment," a chemical mixture that is injected when a soldier's suit detects heavy physical trauma. It preserves a soldier for future revival by putting them into a deep hibernation. N.A.W and F.I. are the acronyms for the two main warring corporations, the full names of which are revealed later on.