Blogland: Need Some Help

[McJob]

Real talk, Bro men of the Internet. I've got a serious problem, and I'd love for some advice to ignore.

I've got two best friends. One is a hot artist chick, the other is a loving mental faux-Russian dude. Without going through all the bullstuff, the chick has come to hate the dude enough that she never wants to speak to him again. She told him straight up she never wants to speak to him. He, unfortunately, is a loving idiot. See, this chick has some pretty serious issues, and so sometimes she'll outright block people for a time. It happens, I get why, I'm not complaining about that. This dude believes this is one of those scenarios (and also believes some really incorrect and stuffty things about her), and now he's coming to me expecting me to write him a message that he can send her so that she'll start talking to him again (because people use me to do their dirty bullstuff).

Now as you might imagine, I of course was a key player in making the chick want to ditch the dude; the chick was already getting annoyed with him, and behind his back I told her the nasty stuff he was saying about her (I have my reasons). There are no heroes in this scenario. That said, if I outright say "she's serious", for reasons I won't get into that will tip him off and it's going to send everything to stuff (this dude isn't just mentally a lunatic, he's also a loving good fighter).

What's the best thing to say here? I don't want the two to be friends again; she doesn't need that, and he's been using her as a replacement for another girl that he needs to get over.

TL;DR: Guy is asking me what to say to make friend "forgive him", friend and I don't want that. What do?

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[KentMansleyDaBoss]

First off, you need to do a TL;DR so that I can understand the situation better. Second, just try seperating them and get them as far away as possible

[sir dooble]

He doesn't sound like a best friend if you're afraid he'll attack you.

Can you just tell him you're not going to get involved?

[Drydess]

Everybody sounds like a rooster in this scenario
let them do whatever they want, if they come to you to ask them to do something make a believable excuse or something then make it up to them soon after you so they don't get pissed

First off, you need to do a TL;DR so that I can understand the situation better. Second, just try seperating them and get them as far away as possible

you also sound like a rooster, you shouldn't need a tldr to read a small handful of paragraphs

[KentMansleyDaBoss]

Everybody sounds like a rooster in this scenario
let them do whatever they want, if they come to you to ask them to do something make a believable excuse or something then make it up to them soon after you so they don't get pissed you also sound like a rooster, you shouldn't need a tldr to read a small handful of paragraphs

Well, i'm kinda tired and lazy right now because of DST.

[McJob]

Second, just try seperating them and get them as far away as possible

Well, the last two months has been bliss with none of their infighting to worry about. It's only now that he's started caring again which I need to start worrying again. If I say/do nothing, he'll go to her house. Already happened in the past and he thinks that works.

He doesn't sound like a best friend if you're afraid he'll attack you.

That's a concern but it's not my primary fear. It's what he lengths he'll go to in order to "win her back". He ignores solid advice and likes to go to people's houses, even against people with retraining orders on him.

Can you just tell him you're not going to get involved?

I could. I'm just worried about the above.

[KentMansleyDaBoss]

If he begins having physical attacks or threatning and stalking and etcetera, you should contact police.

[sir dooble]

Does he have loveual feelings for her, or is he just a bit loony to be so obsessed with getting her to talk to him?

[XR-7]

You're going to have to kill one of them. Just grab the nearest animal and have it bite one of them. They'll be dead shortly.

[Drydess]

You're going to have to kill one of them. Just grab the nearest animal and have it bite one of them. They'll be dead shortly.

But what if they get superpowers, because the only animals in Australia are spiders?
(And kangaroos but they're too big)

[McJob]

Does he have loveual feelings for her, or is he just a bit loony to be so obsessed with getting her to talk to him?

A few months before the chick ditched the dude, another chick (an even closer friend to the dude) also ditched the dude because he was trying to force his opinions on her (namely, he thought her boyfriend was a cunt (because in the dude's words he "forced himself" on her) and she disagreed). All he would talk about from that point forward to the chick about was this other girl, even though the chick is going through some real serious stuff right now and needs more support than he does (that's not her opinion, that's mine).

He's going nuts because he can't get over this other girl, and is starting to think girls in general are the problem because he can't understand the issue is himself, even when I point out in very clear language to him. His stubbornness in unbelievable, and worrying.

[XR-7]

But what if they get superpowers, because the only animals in Australia are spiders?
(And kangaroos but they're too big)

Snakes

[Drydess]

Snakes

No, silly, McJob is afraid of snakes!

[McJob]

No, silly, McJob is afraid of snakes!

Snakes are easy to deal with. Avoid the head and keep a distance since they can pounce, keep a stick or long, protruding object (preferably two) in order to carry the forgeters. Best to just walk around with some distance, though.

[Khorde]

just say

dude this ain't my problem, i still like "hot artist chick" and if you still do too then talk to her yourself. I don't want her to block me too