Ok, look, I'm not disagreeing that spanking CAN be bad. Let's get that out of the way. But generalizing is the wrong answer. Our world isn't black and white.
Our world most definitely isn't black and white. However, I'm speaking given that I have one specific end goal as a parent: to keep a healthy relationship with a mutual understanding between myself and my child, without resorting to purposeful infliction of physical or emotional pain, effects that can lead to a damaged relationship while they're growing up.
When we take that into account, there is a black, and there is a white. Knowing this, you can then take conscious, logical steps to having a healthy, loving bond between you and your children.
It's not lazy, it's different.
It's both. Given that there are other ways to teach your child right or wrong that don't involve hitting them, if it's not lazy, it's irresponsible, and lacking perspective.
Nobody said they were pets. I don't consider myself to be my parents' pet. They don't see me that way. Not really sure what you're trying to say here.
A statement for effect, nothing more.
Punishment in general creates an emotional gap. Why do you think there's so much tension between teens and parents? You seem to be mostly focused on the effects of spanking, but as I've said, you can't expect people on the receiving end (in this case, kids) to take any form of punishment in the same manner as their peers. Each form will take its toll on any given individual in a completely different way. As I said previously, for me, being yelled at was far, FAR worse than getting a spanking. It hurt me mentally far more than spanking hurt both mentally and physically.
After I would get yelled, I would resent my parents. After I got spanked, I would just be generally upset. I cannot stress this enough. These sort of things CANNOT be generalized.
I never wanted to suggest punishment as a whole should be avoided, but one should strive to resort to it as little as one can. In particular, any form of punishment that would make you seem uncaring to a growing child.
This isn't going to be possible a lot of the time. Parenting is hard, and people make mistakes. It becomes an issue when you acknowledge this mistake as a valid non-destructive form of parenting that can even
be used in moderation at all. You walk away from it feeling as though you did the right thing, and the child becomes... used to it? Used to having someone slap their ass whenever they did something wrong?
That's an awful world to grow up in. Just... talk to your kids. Make sure they know you still love them. If they did something wrong and didn't know it was wrong, tell them why. If they knew it was wrong, there's a reason behind it. Understand that reason and lead them to a path of not doing that thing. Try to make them understand why they shouldn't do that thing. Help them and guide them. That's the job of a parent when you really get down to it.
There are other forms of punishment worse than spanking, so I'll just automatically condemn all of them too. Just spanking shouldn't be considered here. I don't want spanking to be the main topic of debate here. I want people to think less about how they can make their child do the right thing. I want people to think about how they can treat their child in a loving way.
If the kid ends up fine in life and they were spanked, that doesn't mean that spanking is just a fine thing to do. There were people who were loveually abused as a child and live fulfilling lives... you know where I'm going with this. It's an extreme brown townogy to use here but still valid when we consider this: individual parenting methods can be grouped in a "Yes" and a "No" category depending on your goal as a parent. The more of "Yes" you do, the better. The problem is when you consistently and consciously reach into the "No" category. You shouldn't be doing this thing, but you continue to use it as a method that damages your relationship with your child. Offsetting it with a bunch of "Yes"es is not the answer. Being mature, acknowledging it as a mistake, and properly talking and bonding with your child, then possibly apologizing to them in the end is the answer.
...I digress. Like I said, parenting is hard. If you can get off with good kids by dipping into "No" every now and again, I won't blame you. I'd even see myself doing that given the right scenario. But you absolutely have to recognize the human element. You have to be aware of your actions. The whole of it really just has to be thinking about your child, and putting yourself in their shoes, and saying you grew up just fine given negative reinforcement just isn't a valid reason to justify your parents' unruly treatment towards yourself.
Now, from the perspective of it being wrong... well, that's up to the opinion of each and every person. We've clearly and distinctly drawn the line between our views; you find it wrong, I think it's ok in moderation and depending on the situation. But let's dig a bit deeper.
On the legal level, I'm unconcerned. On the moral level, I'm unconcerned. I know it might seem hypocritical to set the goal of happiness then try to throw morals out the window at the same time, but I just try to think of others as people, and try to keep their thoughts and opinions in mind when I make actions and judgement. I don't think it's wrong to apply that perspective to parenting as well.
Again, too black and white, man. You're implying someone can't have a healthy relationship with their child if they spank them. And again, that's wrong. My brother and I disprove that by existing.
I'll apologize if I made that implication. I'll correct that statement in saying that it's not the way one should be going about it. And again, that and everything else I've said when given the above condition: a healthy relationship with your child. I don't like black and whites as you've put them, and I don't like blanket statements, but the bottom line for me is this: The majority of kids who grow up to believe their parents are the people who are supposed to love them and treat them with care absolutely should not be subjected to purposefully inflicted physical or emotional pain in place of proper communication.
It's not complicated. Don't hit your child, and don't make them feel like stuff. Help them. Love them. Let them know you care. Be there for them whenever you can.
