Divorce or not - I need help blogland

[Damp]

My family situation is extremely complicated so i'll give you guys a compacted version of whats going on:

My family has been living with my bipolar mom for as far as I can remember. She doesn't physically abuse us either because she doesn't want to or she knows that she will head into prison real fast.

I and all my siblings have been trying to find a solution where we can safely have her be away from us so she doesn't have to be a extreme burden on us. I don't know how to explain the scale of how badly she verbally abuses us on a daily basis but i'll give you a few examples of what she does to us everyday:

- she tries to look for anything to grab a hold onto and blame it on us. this can get some ridiculously loving stupid because she starts picking on random bullstuff when she can't find any. i'm not kidding like she even thinks its bad that my dad exercises.

- she will make up handicapped claims just so she can feel justified everyday and she has a place. she claims that my dad is cheating on her because he waved at a women while she was jogging. she says that him and his own grandmother forgets even though his grandmother is dead. she tries to get every chance she can to tell our neighbors about the rumors she made up.

- she thinks that she is a saint for "helping" around the house. my mom thinks she is saving money buy constantly buying stuff from clothing stores. for some reason she thinks that she saves money when she earns "kohl's cash" although she can't that the irony in this is that while the discounts might've saved her some money, shes spent around 20 grand so far on bullstuff she doesn't need. she seriously has a shoppers addiction

- she constantly threats us. "ill cut off your hands if you leave your plates in your room!" or "If you don't go to (insert some random bullstuff from the 20 grand) then ill chop off your legs!". we've called the police numerous amount of times and shows them so many recordings. we even showed them one time when she slapped me the slap marks. the police tell us she is our legal guardian and she can do it for "dispensary" reasons.

- she thinks she is the only purpose why this family is afloat. she thinks that after all these years her doing a couple chores here and eating the food we make suddenly makes her the saint of the arc. I don't need to explain much here just whenever she bitches for hours upon hours she always acts like she is the one keeping the family alive.

Back to my dad....

As much as he wants us to have a better life he is being put in this position. My dad really loves my mom with all his heart as apparently before she became insane they had a good ten years together. he doesn't want to divorce her because of his emotional ties to her, the guilt of knowing that if he does divorce her her family won't take her back and she will probably become homeless, what people would think of him, and feeling guilty about how he waited this long and our lives our already this far ruined.

I don't care anymore if he waited this long to divorce her. He deserves to have some peace in his lifetime. for twelve years he has endured day in and day out the pain and bullstuff my parasite of a mom gives on him. He has had to put off all his dreams just to take care of her. I'm almost thinking of if there was away I could start the divorce because honestly if he doesn't do it sooner or later his health will fail. living in this stress especially if your sixty must have its tolls.

sorry about this long rant i just had to say it.

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[Otis Da HousKat]

What do you need help with exactly? This isn't even your decision to make.

[TheABELBOTO]

Honestly your dad sounds like a masochist considering he's still in love with this bitch

[Willymcmilly]

holy stuff dude thats hard

i don't know what to say but i hope the best for you and that you can leave that bullstuff situation somehow

[Bisjac]

you should get a new mom.

[SeventhSandwich]

Lawyer up, delete Facebook, hit the gym.

In all seriousness, your mom is abusive. Would probably be best if they divorced.

[The Resonte!]

you either need a very serious chat with one or both of them or a zany sitcom scheme

what do you think of child services?

[Insert Name Here²]

You should seriously tell your dad about how you feel with all of this, that would be the best you can do

If you're too nervous to talk to him face-to-face or something like that, then just write him a letter about this topic

[otto-san]

your mother needs psychological help, and to get that help, she's going to have to first realize the destructiveness of her behavior to both herself and the people around her. you said she's bipolar and i'm assuming that's a legitimate diagnosis, because her behavior seems to be about right for a bipolar patient experiencing a manic period. she needs medical attention; the right medication can help her symptoms and even her out and then additional therapy can help address problems that have developed alongside the condition.

[Damp]

You should seriously tell your dad about how you feel with all of this, that would be the best you can do

If you're too nervous to talk to him face-to-face or something like that, then just write him a letter about this topic

ohhhhh I talk to him believe me. he uses me to talk to when he needs to let off some steam

why i'm suddenly posting this now was actually because he was talking about another typical dumbass claim that my mom tried to make. normally I try to get him on the bigger picture saying "you have to divorce her or something for your own health" and he normally tries to ignore hearing of permanent solution options because none of them are easy for him.

but today he talked about how mom said this bullstuff so I told him once again to get a divorce. he ignored it but this time I got fed up. I understand he is in a bad position and doesn't want to talk about it but all he god damn talks about is how she says this bad thing or that then doesn't want to talk about a solution.

[The Resonte!]

show your dad this topic

it shows how serious the situation is in your point of view

[Damp]

your mother needs psychological help, and to get that help, she's going to have to first realize the destructiveness of her behavior to both herself and the people around her. you said she's bipolar and i'm assuming that's a legitimate diagnosis, because her behavior seems to be about right for a bipolar patient experiencing a manic period. she needs medical attention; the right medication can help her symptoms and even her out and then additional therapy can help address problems that have developed alongside the condition.

otto i'd like to explain uh the numerous amount of times we've tried to get her admitted to a hospital

For a mental patient to be admitted to a hospital they have two options:

1. Admit themselves to the hospital (she obviously doesn't think shes mental)

2. Extreme verbal or physical threats

there was only one time we got her to the hospital:


when I was in second grade my mom started having delusions that this basketball player on the TV wanted to marry her (she was like 50ish at the time and he is 20 lol). My dad was trying to start up his RC Airplane business so he went on a business trip to china to try and hire a producer. Keep in mind my dad at the time didn't realize she was that mental and thought it was safe to leave us home with her.

now hears the good part: the 2nd day my dad is on the trip she wakes us up at 1 and tells us to get in the minivan. we find out that her loving psychopathic intentions that she believe the basketball player was waiting to marry her in new york city and she was taking us along for the ride. we only had 200 bucks that we brought with us and the only food i remember having was a bag of chips from the vending machine and peanuts from a peanut stand. my dad hears about this and he calls the police from china to America. you know what the police loving say? "she is their legal guardian and she can do whatever she wishes as long as it's legal". So my dad calls my older brother who was in 5th grade at the time and my brother has to get the address of the hotel so my dad can come rescue us before my mom moves us somewhere else. I love my loving dad and all his time and dedication he has put in for us.

we report this to the police again and what we end up doing is creating a setup. my dad tricks my mom into taking her to the doctor's office for her back. she would find out that two officers would be in that waiting room ready to take her for questioning. My dad said it was one of the hardest decisions of his life at the time because he thought that was the last time he would be with her. but two weeks after my mom is released. she loving lies to the doctors and says "it was all a delusion" "im fine now". they let her out with medication but she refuses to take it. I don't know why my dad didn't tell the hospital that she didn't take her pills but something tells me he was so shaken up by when he sent her to the mental ward.

[ArmyUnit]

I feel like a divorce would only make things worse for your mom. Do what otto-san said, and seek medical help.

With the right treatment and time, she could pull through this. You shouldn't just kick her out because of how she treats you. If she has legit mental issues, then you should work towards her recovering. You, your siblings, and especially your dad are probably some of the best people to help her.

Mental illnesses aren't always just purely physical conditions, there can be a lot of insecurities, fears, ect. tangled into it, and those can't really be treated by a doctor (of course, medication can help, but those are band-aid solutions mostly). You have to show her that you guys are supporting her and not against her, that she is accepted despite her issues.

I do sympathize with you OP, as I've had to live through something similar my entire life (sibling with a very bad case of OCD), but please don't give up on your mom. You have to remember that she is ill in probably one of the worst ways possible. I know that living with her is hard, but you have to stick to your guns and do what you can to help her, even if it's hard and miserable.

[Protoss Dragoon]

Damn dude.. Sound like you have it rough..

[Damp]

I feel like a divorce would only make things worse for your mom. Do what otto-san said, and seek medical help.

With the right treatment and time, she could pull through this. You shouldn't just kick her out because of how she treats you. If she has legit mental issues, then you should work towards her recovering. You, your siblings, and especially your dad are probably some of the best people to help her.

I used to think this was a good option, and that is one reason why my dad is still with her. but I don't know anymore