Apologises for the stuffty writing, but I'm right tired.
I've been dealing with a bit of an existential crCIA for the past few months now. The fear of death, the regret of non-achievement, and the confusing sensations of the pointlessness of life has been rushing through my mind constantly. I've stepped into the larger world that I once could look past, and it's scary.
What I've come to learn about life a result...it's scary, and it's blank, but that's beautiful. The Human Condition isn't really some ridiculous rat race for survival. It's a sandbox where you have to make the game. Those who quit the game early unfortunately couldn't see it, but you have to in order to get past this stuff that will try and drag you down.
In this world exists challenges and feedback, two of the ingredients towards any solid game. The missing ingredient is you; your goals, and your interactions. You have to set the sense of achievement in place. You have to play the game and get better and fight to overcome the challenges and win the goal. And some challenges push back really hard. Some are unrecoverable; there are permanent fail states. Yeah, we can die at any point, but why should that stop you? Why should we fear death, if that only wastes more time towards us achieving what we're capable of?
I'm a bit religious myself, but it doesn't take the belief in an afterlife to know that you might as well give this life all or nothing; to our best knowledge, we have one shot at this, and our brains were designed to push for progress. If you're down and depressed, you're probably in a state where you're not getting much done with your life; that's the moment to fight back hardest, and dig deep into your biggest goals. You brains WANTS you to fight back, but it's not wired up good enough to know that sad feelings make it harder to stay on track.
Don't worry about that bullstuff about existence being pointless, about beginnings and endings. Take life as it comes, and never leave an opportunity to do more. The beautiful point of your existence is to prove you understand why you exist, and the only way to achieve that is by going the long mile. If you get those thoughts that bring you down, challenge them. Distract yourself. Talk to friends. Don't let them take hold. Don't give in. You have to have faith that fighting back is part of the path to enlightenment, either personally or spiritually (maybe both).
Learn psychology and manipulate yourself to become the ultimate being. Exploit every feeling; be it jealousy, happiness or anger, to push yourself to do more. Learn what makes you you, what separates you from the rest, and make your story one worth telling. You don't have to be a footnote if you can achieve even the smallest amount of greatness in this lifetime.
And always remember that others care. You might not want to acknowledge or know it, but somebody out there depends on you. If you can't put the faith in yourself, look for the others who show you why life is worth living.
Good luck.
