You want stories, huh? I got stories.
The Wired DoorPart of my High School life involved me as an Arts student (Art in Year 7/8 and Drama from then on). In Year 8, our teach (Mr Ablang) was having us make wire sculptures.
Being the twat that I am, I decided to make the BIGGEST sculpture. Not the highest quality or the best design. Just the biggest. This 4 foot dragon required at least 4 spools of wire, and often I'd have to take these spools home to do some work there which I could then bring back into school. Sometimes I would even need to work on the wire dragon during lunch (thankfully my friend group hung out on the veranda outside the art classrooms).
After the bell went one lunch, I took a spool of wire in my bag so I could do a section of the wing I had been working on. As my friends and I arrived at English class first, we were bored, and I got a devilish, horrible idea.
I turned to my idiot friend (the other one watched on carefully) and said, "Mate, I bet you can't shove a bit of wire in the lock and get it back out again."
He tried his bloody hardest, I tell you that much. The problem with his approach is that he shoved the wire so deep into the lock, it actually warped the lock and snapped the wire, leaving a tiny piece of it stuck deep inside the lock. We giggled as the idiot friend tried to use pliers to get the stuck bit of wire out before realising how bad this situation was, and then we shoved the remaining wire back in my bag and stepped well away from the door.
Eventually, after the whole class had arrived (with no clue of what we had done), the teach comes around. We're standing close to the door, but not close enough to arose suspicion. The same couldn't be said for the intense looks on our faces.
She couldn't open it with her key. Grabs another teach, they can't do it They grab the Groundskeeper, he can't do it. They grab both the Assistant and Principal.
They can't do it.
Because it was a HSC period (meaning all the classes booked out so the seniors would have places to do additional study), there was no free classes in the school.
So we were told to just go home. The next day I would find out that they replaced the whole door and every window on that classroom at a cost of about $4000.
The Day The Data DiedHave you guys ever experienced The Day The Data Died?
I wasn't allowed to do Programming class back when I was selecting the electives for my Year 11/12 course. It clashed with my religion class which was mandatory. As you might expect, I'm very sour about that still. To make it up, I was offered another class.
IPT.
I was told that Information Processing Technology was "another computer class". On paper, it was supposed to be about databases, networking and all other fancy technologies. What it actually turned out to be was "Play Halo most of the time, hand in a couple databases you downloaded from the internet for assessments".
Seriously. And why would the school allow that? Our loving teach.
Mr Brannan. The man smoked like 14 packs a day and he was also the school's photographer. Despite his intimate relationship with the Admin, he was about as up to date with technology as a loving 1800s Nun. The old mate was barely in our class, and when he was, he was teaching the special kids. He was so bad, he once let my idiot friend, in front of his own eyes, create a blank word document, edit it in notepad so that it would appear "corrupt" and then tell the teach that his work was messed up, receiving the class average mark as a result.
One day he actually, genuinely
was teaching us...something. We're sitting at our desks doing work, and there's suddenly this weird noise. A rush of energy followed, and I laid witness to a series of forgety events that got all the data in the school wiped out.
Somehow this smoko cunthead got the idea that there was a mass power surge, so he physically grabbed and shoved my friend away from his PC and dived under the desk, yelling "I GOTTA SAVE THE DATA CUNT!"
For quite a long time, he was under that bloody desk just mumbling "loving data", but eventually he finally came out from underneath the desk, gathered us around and in his most solemn voice that could be pulled off by a cancerous voicebox, declared that "The data's been lost. forget." He then walked off to the administrator office.
So, fun fact. The student he threw also landed on another student, so they both fell over, and they kicked out a power cable while they were at it. A power cable for a rack of servers.
In trying to save the data he ended up destroying it instead.
loving data.
COME ON AND SLAM!I need to note; this is not my story; I simply witnessed this from my Drama classroom, and I received all the juicy context from my friends who were in the class.
As with any High School, the campus was split into several "blocks", each designed for specific classes. D-Block was for all the Woodwork, Kitchen, Computer, Music and Drama classrooms, and it was a truly inspiring, magical place. To justify the inflated school bills, the fanciest, most expensive technology was pumped into D-Block.
D12 was a computer lab. It had the fanciest machines for architectural design, and also had things like the Adobe suite and the Autodesk suite as well as AutoCAD (before it was bought out by Adobe). An elective class you could do which was required to use these applications was "Graphics". My grade was the last grade ever to take Graphics. It was dismantled once we had moved into the next year.
Why? Graphics went through
4 teachers in 3 weeks.
In one irrelevant example, for an assessment my idiot friend downloaded a 3D Mansion from the Google Sketchup warehouse and submitted that; he was granted full marks, called a "visionary" and in class the teach said he was disappointed other students didn't learn from his "design principals".
So, back to the main story I need to tell. At some stage of class one day, the teach needed to walk out. Either for a piss, or to complain to the Principal about the rowdy behaviour of the class. What she had forgotten was the golden rule;
NEVER LEAVE A YEAR 10 CLASS ON ITS OWNWhile the teacher was out, the clogheads in the class got a bright idea. They put a desk with two of the most expensive machines blocking the door. They knew that the class doors all open inward. They then stacked all the chairs that weren't being used up the front, and sat in the middle of the classroom facing the back in an attempt to mess with her mind.
When the Teach came back, she didn't have time to look through the window and see what the class had done; she was struggling to get that darn door open. It's not unlocked, but it won't budge. What she did next will fully cement her in the "Morons" category of the school's history book.
She walks back about 20 paces and takes a loving
FLYING sprint at the door. The force she generated meant she smashed into it like a loving SWAT battering ram. The computers went flying and landed on the other side of the room in pieces. She, meanwhile, bounced back, missing the leg of the desk by about the size of a bee's richard. The students are going wild with laughter (even in my drama classroom).
All the while, she's lying on the floor screaming profanities, and it just so happens that the Principal walks by. He takes a couple seconds to brown townyse the scene and the swearing, before gesturing at her to follow him.
That teacher wasn't seen again after that day.
The Troll Face "Virus"This story was roughly back in 2010. Do you know what was popular around then in Australia?
Rage Faces.
Specifically, the Troll face.
So, I got an idea. An evil idea. One I needed a whole team of people to execute. Firstly, we knew we'd have to find a time for the Admin to leave his PC free and unlocked, which he stupidly did most of the day in the middle of a school full of arseholes like me. Unfortunately for him, his Admin room was also open to all students as it contained the main printer for the school. We also knew that Admin has unlimited printing resources.
We waited for a lunch time when there was nobody else using the PCs for work, and a window with the Admin console opened up. On his Windows Server 2003 beast machine, my friends went ahead and printed troll faces on every single paper in every school printer.
That was Step 1.
For Step 2, they took the papers and put them back into the printers, upside down (because the printer prints on the bottom side). And then we waited for the results.
Slowly but surely, the complaints flooded in from HSC students. Supposedly, their work had been destroyed because somehow a virus had entered the school network and was creating troll faces on anything that got printed. Spreading that rumour was Step 3, but incredibly, word had never made it to the Admin, and this problem continued for months.
So, when do you think the Admin acknowledge and fixed the issue? When there was one sheet of paper left in his personal printer and he needed to print his payslip.
Joel & The PoliceWe had an English class once with this (mostly likely actually) handicapped kid named Joel. He always hyped up on pure energy, wouldn't shut up and couldn't give a toss about authority or learning. He had joined at the start of the year, and among the list of his crimes included dry-humping a chick in the middle of lunch against her consent.
This day, Joel decided he was going to be funny and threatened the teacher with "I'll call the coppas on you sir!" My teach at the time, a really awesome guy named Mr. Cook said straight back at him "I dare you, Joel." Joel wasn't like the other children, and Mr. Cook had wrongly assumed Joel was capable of rational thought.
After a long period of silence, a voice could be heard, and in the corner one could see Joel holding a phone to his face. He had called the cops. This is my memory of the conversation (on loudspeaker) in transcript format:
Joel: Yeah uhhh I got dared to ca-
Teach: You did not actually call the police did you? Did he seriously...*facepalms with the force of a thousand nukes*
Joel: -ll you by my teacher because he's like harassing me and stu*phone taken by teach*
Teach: Yeah, I'm really sorry. The student said he was going to call the police after *blah blah* happened, and so I jokingly said he should try it not expecting him to do it.
Emergency Operator: Unfortunately, while I realise the situation is normal we're going to have to send an officer to investigate, and the student may have charges pressed on them for misusing the service. Can I have your location please?
Teach: *gives location* Could you possibly delay that until *after school bell rings*, so we can finish up class here?
Emergency Operator: Of course, but I expect that both of you and any key witnesses to be present at the office of the institution within 5 minutes.
Teach: Alright, sorry about that.
Teach turns off the loudspeaker and leaves the class and the conversation goes on for a few minutes while we just death stare Joel.
Joel was promptly expelled from school that afternoon (which was helped by his massive discipline record) and faced something like $5000+ and had to go to court for calling an emergency when there wasn't one. The Teach got off scott-free, but he left the college at the end of the year (might have been fired, I'll never know).
Future Stories To Tell- The Wooden Knuckledusters
- Dude, Weed
- The Business Studies Massacre
- The Portable Games
- The Shiv Flinger
- The Great Gilroy Fire
- lovey Times
- And many more...
