My emoitions are annoying my mind

[Mouse droidz 21]

This is more of a personal topic about my life and I've made topics on this forum in the past mainly because you guy's do give some pretty good advice, it also makes me feel like I'm not alone but recently my emotions are just making me feel dreadful. Before I start I want to make something clear, I am in the best shape ever at the moment (I got to gym almost 5 times a week), I am receiving the best grade's possible (all B's even though I'm trying to move onto A*'s) and I am making a lot of money from the job I have (I've been going to work so much recently and my boss is happy with what I do)


My lifestyle is good but here is my problem and I've been struggling with this for the past 3 years, I have some insane obsession with the idea of being in a relationship with a really attractive girl. I cannot get this off of my mind but I just want to find a soulmate and be in love for some reason even though I have a healthy lifestyle, I have made out with 13 girls in my life all of whom I was attracted to (except from one) but despite the fact I have had a lot of those good times I feel like I want something more. For example a few months back a girl went out with me one day and we made out, after that I told her I wanted a relationship with her (because she kept hinting about one with me before) but things got awkward and we don't talk anymore. I keep looking back on these mistakes like failed opportunities and the more I look back on my past I just get even more depressed than I already am.


I don't consider myself a popular guy I used to go outside a lot with "friends" but I was conforming with those "friends", they smoked weed and were all bad trouble so I got rid of them after a dispute with them. For more information on that here was the whole ordeal:

I used to be in a crowd of thugs that done nothing but smoke weed and talk stuff all day, I used to be one of those guy's that you'll have a very bad opinion of if you saw me like you could see through the ways I acted I tried to act hard spoke slang, disrespected my ex girlfriend and all. I was a disaster, I didn't care about my GCSES and I was in a group full of Muslims who wanted to act their hardest but they all failed to do so. I left the group many months ago because they just forgeted me around all they ever did was take the piss out of me, I was sick of it all and I woke up. These aren't good Muslims, these are just washed up Muslims who know no better and are using their religion in defense for everything. I will never understand why such people of such faith contradict every word they say, there's this one girl I know who goes on about how Muslim she is yet she drinks alcohol all the time and kisses boys 24/7. Is that Religious? is saying "stafallah" in public out loud trying to justify everything you do wrong good? All these Muslims that are these young ages need to get a loving wake up call because this isn't religion, this is scummy behavior.


I don't hate Muslims, I have respect for them one of my companions is Muslim living in Israel right now. Some Muslims wish to live in peace I remember once when I used to live in New York City I was playing soccer at a park and a nice Muslim man joined in with our game. Him and his children were all kind and peaceful, people that spread happiness and peace are the ones which people need to learn from.


The last point I'd like to make and this is very personal, I wasn't there when this happened but that old crowd of thugs I used to hang out with thought they were so hard because they set fire to an abandoned warehouse disturbing the public and using emergency services. On this day I was with one of my ex girlfriends, one who I treated like stuff because of these thugs and god bless her because she was always right about how I was acting. We were in Olympic park enjoying ourselves until we saw smoke in the clouds and I knew it was them because they always thought they were hard or some stuff. These were my "bros" yeah loving right, I don't think so:

https://www.standard.co.uk/news/london/stratford-fire-firefighters-battle-huge-blaze-in-disused-office-block-a3399961.html


A year later I defended myself from all the bullstuff these richardheads were putting me through:



The only thing I have to say is one day we will live in peace and I pray to everyone here that they don't smoke weed, get involved with any sort of drugs or act in ways they aren't or hang around with "friends" that just forget with them

That is some of my past in a nutshell, you can read it if you want to but I guess it's a reason why I'm alone a lot. I only have a few friends nowadays but were not a group that goes outside a lot and they're also taking very hard A levels which is why they're constantly busy. Then there's me who's usually free all the time but not many free friends to see


I guess I'm constantly finding myself in a space of loneliness and sadness which is why I'm always wanting a girlfriend to vibe with and cuddle with. But I just wish this feeling would go away because I just can't enjoy anything anymore as much as I used to, even if I'm with my friends somewhere I'm still getting these feelings and feeling upset. I just wish these emotions would go away.

One of my main issues as to why I've been feeling really low recently as well, was getting forgeted over. 3 weeks back I got tinder, matched with a small amount of people but one girl stood out the most, she was really attractive. We had a lot in common but one day I told her my actual age (16) and she told me that "This is illegal" even though she's 18, we're only 2 years apart and quiet frankly I've gone out with a girl who was 2 years younger than me when I was 15 (we didn't do anything illegal, we only kissed) when she told me that it was "illegal" that I was 16 and she was 18 she just gave me her phone number out of the blue but then after an hour ignored my messages. It was only recently that I contacted her mainly because of one big problem that I've never faced before. A few days back I had a dream about her out of nowhere and we were cuddling in a high rise apartment but there was something both pulling me towards her but also pulling me away from her. Trying to figure out what was going on I woke up even though I wanted to know why this had happened, when I woke up I had to catch my breath and was just shocked to stuff. I contacted her a day later since I noticed she was liking my recently uploaded pics on instagram quicker than usual. I asked her what was so wrong about going out with someone two years of age, she told me she didn't know and I asked her I wanted to know why. She then told me age doesn't matter then I asked her why it mattered to her two weeks back and all she said was "Tbh I'd like to get to know you" "can we leave it at that?" I just responded saying "I'd like to get to know you too" "Properly and maturely" she responded saying "That would be really nice" but I feel that things are just awkward now


I need help just overcoming all my problems at this point, I don't know what to do or why I'm attracted to this girl or the idea of being in a relationship. Each time I see a couple on the street I feel angry and upset. I just don't know what to do, if you took time out of your day to read my problems and respond to them with advice I thank you ever so much, god bless you. I just want to be happier again

[Ad Bot]

[FelipeO_O_]

first

[Nix the Glaceon]

first

go back to brazil



ot: sounds tough my dude, hope you get happier

[JumboMuffin]

chavs will be chavs. at least you've moved on and they'll get nowhere in life. you'll (sometimes) find that the really clever people make the most reliable and trustworthy friends so turn to them for help for better grades, but yeah, i've abandoned some friends who "can only have fun if theres alcohol" so find some new friends as your friends influence you as much as you do to them

[Dreams_Of_Cheese]

I've found that having a good perspective of things helped me a lot in a similar phase. You're 16, you have plenty of time. Remember that you're stuck right in the middle of puberty too, with all the chemical imbalances that comes with. Whatever urges you're getting right now are being multiplied by that. If it helps, what you're feeling isn't a reflection of yourself - it's your biology.

Ask yourself why exactly you want to be in a relationship. What's the goal? What would you guys do? I knew a guy in high school who once described his first serious relationship as "horny love," as opposed to his current and ongoing one. Is that you?

You say you're lonely often. Is a girlfriend the necessary solution to this? Or is she just a solution of many? If you're looking for a girlfriend, I won't tell you you're wrong to do it, but you should at least recognize that it's not the only way to solve your problem.

One of my main issues as to why I've been feeling really low recently as well, was getting forgeted over. 3 weeks back I got tinder, matched with a small amount of people but one girl stood out the most, she was really attractive. We had a lot in common but one day I told her my actual age (16) and she told me that "This is illegal" even though she's 18, we're only 2 years apart and quiet frankly I've gone out with a girl who was 2 years younger than me when I was 15 (we didn't do anything illegal, we only kissed) when she told me that it was "illegal" that I was 16 and she was 18 she just gave me her phone number out of the blue but then after an hour ignored my messages. It was only recently that I contacted her mainly because of one big problem that I've never faced before. A few days back I had a dream about her out of nowhere and we were cuddling in a high rise apartment but there was something both pulling me towards her but also pulling me away from her. Trying to figure out what was going on I woke up even though I wanted to know why this had happened, when I woke up I had to catch my breath and was just shocked to stuff. I contacted her a day later since I noticed she was liking my recently uploaded pics on instagram quicker than usual. I asked her what was so wrong about going out with someone two years of age, she told me she didn't know and I asked her I wanted to know why. She then told me age doesn't matter then I asked her why it mattered to her two weeks back and all she said was "Tbh I'd like to get to know you" "can we leave it at that?" I just responded saying "I'd like to get to know you too" "Properly and maturely" she responded saying "That would be really nice" but I feel that things are just awkward now

Serves me right for trying to respond to a topic as I read it, haha. You say things are awkward. Are they? How so? Make certain you aren't just sabotaging yourself here. Maybe you think things are awkward, but that doesn't mean she thinks so. That said, I'm just basing that on the very brief dialogue you've posted. You probably know better than me.

[Curse You]

go back to brazil

this is why no one likes u

[Mouse droidz 21]

chavs will be chavs. at least you've moved on and they'll get nowhere in life. you'll (sometimes) find that the really clever people make the most reliable and trustworthy friends so turn to them for help for better grades, but yeah, i've abandoned some friends who "can only have fun if theres alcohol" so find some new friends as your friends influence you as much as you do to them

Chavs and roadmen are just the scum of this country you know all they ever did was wreck havoc in public like it's their way of amusement. I remember once we were in Liverpool ST station and they stole a forgetton of sweets from one of those sweet stands like I mean come on where's the maturity? I've found some new friends as I mentioned who are really good especially 2 who live right next to me. But that being said I'd like to meet even more new people

I've found that having a good perspective of things helped me a lot in a similar phase. You're 16, you have plenty of time. Remember that you're stuck right in the middle of puberty too, with all the chemical imbalances that comes with. Whatever urges you're getting right now are being multiplied by that. If it helps, what you're feeling isn't a reflection of yourself - it's your biology.

Ask yourself why exactly you want to be in a relationship. What's the goal? What would you guys do? I knew a guy in high school who once described his first serious relationship as "horny love," as opposed to his current and ongoing one. Is that you?

You say you're lonely often. Is a girlfriend the necessary solution to this? Or is she just a solution of many? If you're looking for a girlfriend, I won't tell you you're wrong to do it, but you should at least recognize that it's not the only way to solve your problem.
Serves me right for trying to respond to a topic as I read it, haha. You say things are awkward. Are they? How so? Make certain you aren't just sabotaging yourself here. Maybe you think things are awkward, but that doesn't mean she thinks so. That said, I'm just basing that on the very brief dialogue you've posted. You probably know better than me.

My goal is just to be with her for a very long time, just vibe with each other hug and kiss all that, go on dates a lot, share eachother's stories, thoughts and have someone to always be there for me. I'd call mine overall love and caring

I feel things are awkward because I felt like I confronted her, I sounded a bit serious and possibly made her uncomfortable. I feel as if I text her again she's going to say "oh not him again" but then again she hasn't blocked me off of anything or unfollowed me. I just wanna try speak to her like I used to we shared a lot of rap music to each other (that's one of our main interests) but I want to do that without it being awkward

[Dreams_Of_Cheese]

I feel things are awkward because I felt like I confronted her, I sounded a bit serious and possibly made her uncomfortable. I feel as if I text her again she's going to say "oh not him again" but then again she hasn't blocked me off of anything or unfollowed me. I just wanna try speak to her like I used to we shared a lot of rap music to each other (that's one of our main interests) but I want to do that without it being awkward

So what's stopping you from just doing it then? If you want that conversation, initiate it. If you want my opinion, it'd be more awkward to stop messaging her about your mutual interests after this conversation than to continue.

[BLockyBuildingBro]

first

have a nice ban

[Mouse droidz 21]

So what's stopping you from just doing it then? If you want that conversation, initiate it. If you want my opinion, it'd be more awkward to stop messaging her about your mutual interests after this conversation than to continue.

You're right but I guess my fear of anything bad happening is what stops me like I don't know what to text her to get her to feel happy or whatever, I fear I'm gonna have a bad convo and lose my chances. I don't know whether to text her with "hey how you doing" or "you listened to this album or song?" as a way to initiate something. It's hard for me a bit but I'll try texting her tomorrow. Another thing is she doesn't use social media a lot she takes a long time to respond but when she does respond she usually sounds like she cares

[Dreams_Of_Cheese]

You're right but I guess my fear of anything bad happening is what stops me like I don't know what to text her to get her to feel happy or whatever, I fear I'm gonna have a bad convo and lose my chances. I don't know whether to text her with "hey how you doing" or "you listened to this album or song?" as a way to initiate something. It's hard for me a bit but I'll try texting her tomorrow. Another thing is she doesn't use social media a lot she takes a long time to respond but when she does respond she usually sounds like she cares

Bad conversations are nowhere near as bad as you think. If someone started a conversation with you and it got awkward, would you think that badly of them yourself? She's a person too. She's probably forgiving enough to let something like that go, and if she isn't you don't want to be with someone like that anyway.

Either one of those options to text her sound good to me, but if I had to choose, I'd try the second. Gives you something to talk about right away.

[Cappytaino]

-snip-

mate, I understand how you feel. It can be difficult to feel lonely or like you're missing out on something, especially when you see the people around  you in relationships, living their lives, and from the outside, it looks like they're having a hell of a lot of fun.

It's natural to want that, too. But in the short-term, you are 16 years old, going through secondary school, and that window of time from about 12 or 13-18 can be one of the most challenging and confusing in your life. But it sounds like you've got a bit of depression and I can tell you from experience that the worst thing you can do when depressed is to put a focus on things outside of your own control. You can't feel entitled to or expect a relationship to come your way, or expect some sort of validation from the experience as if having a girlfriend would suddenly fix the dissatisfaction and sadness you're currently feeling.

You need to take care of yourself and your priorities before you can worry about yourself. As of this moment, this likely means school, work, and your own health. It's rough sometimes to stay focused through the stress, but at the same time (sorry for being blunt) you have an obligation to yourself to get your stuff together and fulfill your other obligations in life despite feeling upset, insecure, and frustrated. If you have an excessive amount of negative energy, I'd recommend trying to find a nearby gym, YMCA, community center, etc that has some sort of exercise equipment, I find it really helps physical health, mental health, and blows off a lot of steam if I get upset.

I'd really recommend watching some of Jordan Peterson's lectures about coping with depression, sorting out your life, and finding meaning.
They're really helpful and insightful, and I know personally they really help me when I'm at my worst.

[carolcat]

don't try to rush into a relationship. you've still got plenty of time to find a soulmate

speaking from experience and from what i've heard from other women close to me, nothing is more off-putting than a dude launching into a relationship dead-set on that girl being his soulmate. you gotta take things slow, let the relationship build naturally

[Mouse droidz 21]

Bad conversations are nowhere near as bad as you think. If someone started a conversation with you and it got awkward, would you think that badly of them yourself? She's a person too. She's probably forgiving enough to let something like that go, and if she isn't you don't want to be with someone like that anyway.

Either one of those options to text her sound good to me, but if I had to choose, I'd try the second. Gives you something to talk about right away.

I'll probably try the second one then since it initiates a good conversation

mate, I understand how you feel. It can be difficult to feel lonely or like you're missing out on something, especially when you see the people around  you in relationships, living their lives, and from the outside, it looks like they're having a hell of a lot of fun.

It's natural to want that, too. But in the short-term, you are 16 years old, going through secondary school, and that window of time from about 12 or 13-18 can be one of the most challenging and confusing in your life. But it sounds like you've got a bit of depression and I can tell you from experience that the worst thing you can do when depressed is to put a focus on things outside of your own control. You can't feel entitled to or expect a relationship to come your way, or expect some sort of validation from the experience as if having a girlfriend would suddenly fix the dissatisfaction and sadness you're currently feeling.

You need to take care of yourself and your priorities before you can worry about yourself. As of this moment, this likely means school, work, and your own health. It's rough sometimes to stay focused through the stress, but at the same time (sorry for being blunt) you have an obligation to yourself to get your stuff together and fulfill your other obligations in life despite feeling upset, insecure, and frustrated. If you have an excessive amount of negative energy, I'd recommend trying to find a nearby gym, YMCA, community center, etc that has some sort of exercise equipment, I find it really helps physical health, mental health, and blows off a lot of steam if I get upset.

I'd really recommend watching some of Jordan Peterson's lectures about coping with depression, sorting out your life, and finding meaning.
They're really helpful and insightful, and I know personally they really help me when I'm at my worst.

I did say in OP that I go to gym almost everyday of the week but sometimes gym does help my mental health especially when I go for a run. When I go for a run I always think about my future for some reason, I try to think of a lot of positive things when I go for a run. I also love myself I wouldn't say I hate the way I look. I usually accept rejection if I'm deemed unattractive because I don't care. It's just in complicated situations like this I find myself in a lot of pain, I still love myself but I feel I'm very weird. I'll watch that video as soon as possible I also watch a lot of Eric Thomas so I'm always paying attention to motivational speakers too especially Tupac's Lyricism sometimes. Thanks for the support

don't try to rush into a relationship. you've still got plenty of time to find a soulmate

speaking from experience and from what i've heard from other women close to me, nothing is more off-putting than a dude launching into a relationship dead-set on that girl being his soulmate. you gotta take things slow, let the relationship build naturally

Thing is me and her both jumped conclusions quickly because when I told her my age 2 weeks back she said "I don't usually go for youngers" but now all of the sudden she's telling me there's nothing wrong with age, girls are just so complicated

[carolcat]

girls are just so complicated

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