quit making this excuse dude it has nothing to do with your behavior
i dont mean it as an excuse. i think it
had to do with my behavior considering that i make terrible decisions while im under those effects, and i stop caring about having a filter that way, which is responsible for some of the posting. youre right that that has nothing to do with it right now. right now im trying to deal with myself and posting responsibly because im looking at the way ive posted before, and trying to think "how can i keep my personality coherent to this despite this not really being me?" and "how can i somehow balance considering criticism and rejecting it?"
a lot of it is just not thinking before posting/posting irresponsibly.