General Life-Story Thread, or: Terrible Choices and What Not to Do by Audax

Author Topic: General Life-Story Thread, or: Terrible Choices and What Not to Do by Audax  (Read 2663 times)

._________.
this is one crazy dump

holy forget dude this is some crazy stuff. I thought you dropped off the face of the earth. I'm glad to see you back and alive! I'm hoping this story has a happy ending and you're doing better now...

Good to see you too buddy! I’ll be back on Steam in about a week or so. Yeah, this stuff pretty much consumed my life. I am alive, and I guess the best way to put it is that it’s sort-of a bittersweet ending.

._________.
this is one crazy dump

Haha, yeah. It is a lot of text, and a lot to take in I suppose, but I hope you’re enjoying it at my expense  :cookieMonster:

Here we go.

Part Seven

As a reminder, don’t feel bad for me. Everything here is pretty much my own fault. I had so many ways out. So many chances where I could of walked away. Hell, times where she walked away FOR ME. There are other tiny stories I didn’t bother talking about that served as a way out. My biggest concern was what I would do with her furniture, and that tied with this damn sunken cost fallacy I fell for, I figured it was easier to stay with her. I could have moved on with my life and I’d probably be in a different situation right now. I suppose this is the way things had to be though. There’s no changing any of it.

After we moved into the house, the fights started. And every time we had a disagreement, her idea was that we should just break up and sell the house. Her infamous line being: “You’re not doing what I tell you to do!”  Literally not even a month at the house yet. Her biggest issue was that my current work site for my job was two hours away, and I was working until three instead of two. In turn, I was getting home around five. It was only a two or three week gig until we moved onto another location. Lets also not forget that she was the big pusher for moving into the house out in the damn boonies, which distanced me from my area of work. And she wanted me to tell my project manager off. Bitch him out and tell him I’m not working so far away from home...Yeah. forget that. Especially since it was temporary. Especially since it wasn’t even a big deal. Especially because I didn’t even mind. Soon after moving into the house she quits her job at the daycare, again. Now I’m paying a mortgage, all the utilities, and buying food, all by myself. Again. She was starting to remind me of someone. On top of that, she wanted me to disown my family. Cut off all contact and never speak to them again. I’m still not entirely sure, but I believe it was because she believed my mother and sister hated me and only pretended to love me. At least, that was her reasoning for it. She probably just wanted me all to herself. Hell, looking back, I can see a point where she was trying to distance me from what friends I had left (I lost some along the way, didn’t think it was relevant enough to talk about in detail). Mutual friends we had, friends from the daycare. She tried to act like the “cool/normal girlfriend” who doesn’t mind her boyfriend going out with his friends every now and then. She “planted the seed” to try and make me think they weren’t really good friends, real friends, but it never fully sprouted. But looking back, I can definitely see she was beginning to go in that direction. Pretend that she was okay with me hanging out with other people, but convince me that they weren’t worth it, all while making sure she still looked good and innocent. Absolutely disgusting.

At one point she briefly gets a new job in town. I say briefly because she quit after a couple weeks. At one point though she tells me she’s going to be doing some kind of training at work, so she’ll be working twelve hour days. Seven to seven. I calmly point out to her, while explaining that it doesn’t bother me, that she was a bit of a hypocrite. She had an issue with me getting home later than usual for a short time, at five, and here she was literally doing the same thing. But because it was her of course it was different. And that’s exactly what she said. She said the situations were different. I tried to explain to her that getting home late is getting home late, and I just wish she would see the wrong in her ways and apologize to me. Of course she flips out, and says she is leaving tomorrow and that we will just sell the house. Hoo. Ray. I go to bed and she texts me from the living room. She tells me that actually, I should leave. I go back out and I tell her I’m not going I go live somewhere else while also paying the mortgage, and that I knew if I stopped paying it—she certainly wouldn’t be paying it. And that I didn’t want her to ruin my credit and screw up things in my life. She told me quite frankly that she didn’t care, and that because I wouldn’t do what she told me to do, I deserved whatever bad things happened to me.

For whatever reason. After everything I had been through up to this point, that was the moment something clicked for me, and I began to have serious doubts. I decided I was going to have a serious talk with her when I got home from work the next day. Not a break up talk. But just lay out my feelings, my worries, etc and explain to her what I thought.

Lucky for me, while driving to work the next morning, she texts me telling me she doesn’t think she wants to be with me anymore. Damn, this couldn’t work out any better. I tell her I want to talk to her when I get home, that I’ve been feeling similar things, and we need to have a serious sit down like adults. Not this texting stuff we did so often. Of course she has a problem with everything that is not in her control, and tells me she doesn’t want to talk. That we’ll just fight. She’s done. I try to tell her we aren’t going to fight and that I sincerely want to just talk about things like adults, but she’s not having it. She wants me to text it to her. I try to explain that it’s too much, but that just pisses her off more. Finally I cave in and I tell her when I take my lunch break, I’ll send her the big wall of text of what I had hoped we could talk about like adults. And I do.

I prefaced it explaining that this was not a breakup text, and what my intentions were. Well to put it simply, she could not have given less of a stuff. She loving LOSES IT. Goes off on what a piece of stuff I am, accusing me of leading her on, pretending to love her, that she can’t believe I am breaking up with her. It was all so hypocritical and confusing, there was no making any sense of it. Then she tells me—

Actually, let me explain something real quick. So I don’t write many checks. Near zero. Don’t have a checkbook. My girlfriend does though. Our first mortgage payment for the house had to be a mailed check for some reason. After that, it could all be done online. So with our first payment due date coming near, I gave her the money for her to deposit into her checking, she wrote the check, and mailed it.

(Woo wee)

—Then she tells me, she’s withdrawing the mortgage payment and leaving. Well now I’m pissed. I tell her it’s not hers to take. But her grand justification is that she’s going to be homeless and will need it more than me. She stops texting me after that. A few hours later, I’m leaving work, and she texts me again. Right away I get on her ass about the money, and she tells me that she’s not taking it anymore. Oh no, it’s rewind time. She starts hinting that she’s going to kill herself. Here we go again. I’m trying to get her to outright say it though. Then she starts suggesting that she has a gun. This ain’t my first rodeo guys, so I call her bluff. And just as I had hoped, she took a loving picture of it and sent it to me. I knew it was a picture she took, it was our bedroom in the background, her hand holding the gun. So now I’m done talking to her and I call our local town police and explain the whole situation, and I ask if they have someone, a number, I can send the texts and picture to. I send them over, and they tell me they’re sending officers over to the house. My job is done.

If you’re confused, the state we lived in was constitutional carry—meaning as long as you don’t have a criminal record, you can walk into a gun store, but a gun, and leave with it the same day. Some real Grand Theft Auto stuff.

About an hour into my drive, the secretary at the station calls me. She tells me not to go home, go to the police station first. Okay.

HOLY stuff
That’s all she would tell me. For the remainder of that drive, the only thought in my head was that she actually did it. Blew her loving brains out, and that officials were still cleaning up the mess and didn’t want me walking in on it. It didn’t help that when I got to town all I could see were ambulances driving around, more than usual.

I get to the police station and the first thing the officer tells me is that she’s okay. He explains that they showed up, she answers the door, and denies making any threats to her own life. It was at this time that they received the texts from their secretary. They ask her if she has a gun and she tells them she does, and they ask her to retrieve it for them and hand it over. She does. She willingly goes to the hospital for a quick evaluation and that’s that. The officer asks to see my phone and if he can look through the texts I had with her, I scroll to the beginning of today for him and he reads it all.

It’s then that he pulls me aside and explains to me that when they retrieved the gun, there were only two rounds in it. One in the chamber. One in the mag. And based on the texts where she is constantly wondering how much longer till I get home, and telling me not to come in the bedroom or she’ll shoot herself before “she’s ready,” he figured I was walking into an ambush.

Woah. Now I’ve pissed folk off before, but never to the point that someone wanted to literally kill me. This was heavy.

They ask if I want to have her involuntarily committed into a psych ward, that she’s still at the hospital, and I tell them I’m going to talk to her mother first. Before I get a chance to call her though, the officer leaves to go talk to the hospital. When he comes back, he can’t tell me everything, but the impression he gave me was that after the explained the loaded gun situation to the doctor, they didn’t need me to fill out this certain request form, so I was all set.

I go home, now wondering what to do next. I don’t have a very good signal at the home, so I go outside. I call her mother and explain everything that had happened. She’s so sorry. She tells me I deserve better. That we obviously don’t work, and I need to leave her. We talk for a bit. I get a voicemail from the police department. They tell me my girlfriend was released from the hospital. Whattheforget. I get a voicemail from her mother. She tells me that my girlfriend just called her asking her if she could get a ride from the hospital. When she tried to ask her what happened, she just got pissed, swore at her mother, and said she would find someone else. Then I get a call from my girlfriend’s half-brother. He tells me he just got a call from his sister. Asking for a ride from the hospital. He tells me he asked her why she was at the hospital. She tells him it was “a domestic violence thing with Audax.”

(Hoooo boy)

Then he tells me it didn’t sound right to him, so he told her he’d call her back, and he calls his(their) mother, and she explains the whole situation to him.

Now he’s telling me how sorry he is. How I could do better and deserve better. That even though she is his sister, he admits she is a “pretty forgeted up individual.” He explains that her whole life, him and mother, their whole family, pretty much expected her to grow up one day and either seriously harm someone or herself. And and this case, that someone was almost me. He tells me I need to walk away. Just walk away and move on from her. Pretty sobering to hear all this from her own family.

I call the mother back and ask her what to do, and she explains I can get an emergency 24-hour restraining order. Apparently she’s had to do it before with my girlfriend’s dad, her ex-husband. After that, I can get month long one. Yeah this was because of the gun, but we also knew she would trash the place and do god knows what to the house while I was at work. So I contact the police and they get me one no problem.

The next day I go and file for a real restraining order, and they approve it. A few days later, I get served my own restraining order? I lawyer up, I print out tons of text messages, I annotate notes for him. Tons of stuff on her and how unstable she is. I get copies of police reports to clear my name, one being the one from when she dislocated her elbow—because now she was trying to say that I abused her. She requests an accelerated hearing, and the date arrives. We don’t even see the judge. Both our lawyers had the same idea. Withdraw our orders, and sign a personal no-contact form—other than text or email—so we can figure out the house thing from there. And that’s that.

I really wish I would have thought more about the fact that she lied about all the stuff in her restraining order request, and about the fact that she lied to her brother about the whole domestic thing. That is some character defining stuff. But more on that later.

This next part will be the final part my friends. And then we will be all caught up. Gotta take a break for a bit.

EDIT: Too long to add to this, too long for even a new post. Part Eight here on PasteBin.
« Last Edit: July 03, 2019, 02:59:29 PM by Awdax »

It's loving awful what she put you through during those years.  I'm so sorry that you went through that and are still dealing with the repercussions of it.

Your posts break my heart because you're blaming yourself for something that wasn't your fault—you were in an abusive relationship.  You seem to have a lot of guilt surrounding these events, especially because of her mental illness and since she herself was a victim of abuse by her father and ex (it's not uncommon for abused people to also be abusers), but listen to me: you were in an abusive relationship.  She is an abuser.  It's not your fault.  She physically, emotionally, verbally, and psychologically abused you for two years, then manipulated you into staying by threatening to kill herself.  You stayed with her because you loved her and cared about her and didn't want her to hurt.  You keep calling yourself an idiot in your posts for this but you're not an idiot; you're a victim of a manipulative abuser.  Playing the victim, threatening to kill yourself, guilting people into staying with you, etc. etc. are classic manipulation tactics and how people can stay in toxic relationships for so long.  She took advantage of your empathy and used it against you.

Please find a therapist to talk about this with—you are so not alone.  Abusive relationships are far more common than we think.

I’ll be honest, sometimes I kick myself about the whole murder-Self Delete thing. There’s been times where the thought has came through my mind that maybe I should have taken that bullet. Times where I’ve thought, “Why did I even do anything? I should have just let her do it.” Take the chance that I may have gotten shot, take the chance at just standing by and doing nothing instead of trying to do what I thought was the right thing. My friends and family all say they’re happy I’m safe, and here with them, but often times I’m not sure if I feel the same.

Please don't ever think like this.  You did the right thing in the moment which was to call the police and let them know she was suicidal.  That was the only right thing to do.  You have family and friends who love you and care about you and who would be devastated if you were gone.  I know we kind of fell out of contact before this whole situation but I still care about you, and I would be devastated if I found out you had been killed.

Not only that, but you have value.  I know you might feel like you don't, but you do.  You have value as a human being and deserve to live a fulfilling life and be happy.



I don't know what to say about the trial.  I know it's kind of looming over your head right now and I can't imagine how you feel about everything.  Please get help though.  I know it's really difficult to get started and actually take the plunge but believe me it's worth it and it helps so much.

I don't like getting personal on here for obvious reasons but I felt like I needed to.  I would've PMed you this but I thought maybe someone else would read this too and it would help them... I don't know.
« Last Edit: July 04, 2019, 04:28:33 PM by Electrk.. »

Nothing wrong with putting that all out there my friend. Like I said, one of the reasons I wanted to dump this was so maybe if one day someone else on here unfortunately finds themselves in maybe not the same exact situation, but a similar one, they can do better than me.

I don’t know man, I try to be a good person but I don’t think until I do something worthwhile I can tell myself that I am. Between borderline abandoning my family, my friends, being a jerk in general, how far I was willing to go to avoid being a father, I ain’t that great.

The court stuff is nothing. I don’t even think about it to be honest. Worst case scenario I get probation, which would still suck to have a “Domestic Violence” record (good luck trying to have a normal life and settle down with someone with that). Best case scenario it boils down to self defense or mutual combat. Other than that it doesn’t affect me on a day to day basis.

But I’m happy. Really. I’m back on my own, got an apartment. Leasing a horse. I just gotta work on repurchasing all my stuff I lost. I’m back to being able to enjoy my hobbies guilt-free.

leasing a.... horse?

Yeah, a lot of people that horseback ride do it. Not everyone that rides is rich enough to own their own horse. That crap is expensive. It’s all the pluses of owning one if you’re into riding, minus the responsibilities. Aside from my lessons, I get to ride a couple times a week on the horse I’m leasing. But I don’t have to worry about paying for horseshoes, vet bills, boarding etc.
« Last Edit: July 05, 2019, 05:47:57 PM by Awdax »

bitch what the forget

bitch what the forget
you know you'd like to have a horse

I don’t know man, I try to be a good person but I don’t think until I do something worthwhile I can tell myself that I am. Between borderline abandoning my family, my friends, being a jerk in general, how far I was willing to go to avoid being a father, I ain’t that great.

Yeah you did stuffty things but this was a stuffty situation.  You got sucked into a toxic relationship and did some bad things during it.  The abortion thing was a forgeted situation in general—she was manipulating you to stay with her by forcing you to be a father/lying about being pregnant.  You were at your breaking point and you needed to get out of there.  (I probably would've done the same thing, to be honest.  Probably not the most moral or right thing to do, but I'm just being honest)

The court stuff is nothing. I don’t even think about it to be honest. Worst case scenario I get probation, which would still suck to have a “Domestic Violence” record (good luck trying to have a normal life and settle down with someone with that). Best case scenario it boils down to self defense or mutual combat. Other than that it doesn’t affect me on a day to day basis.

But I’m happy. Really. I’m back on my own, got an apartment. Leasing a horse. I just gotta work on repurchasing all my stuff I lost. I’m back to being able to enjoy my hobbies guilt-free.

Well, I'm glad it doesn't bother you that much.  I just would hope she would get charged with domestic violence herself, and you would get off on self-defense... really sucks that your phone died while you were recording her.

(I'm going to suggest therapy one more time before I get off my soapbox)

Anyway, I'm glad you're doing better and you're out of that awful situation.  Sounds like things are looking up and you're able to move on.

you know you'd like to have a horse

why have a horse when you can have a bull
« Last Edit: July 06, 2019, 03:52:40 AM by Electrk.. »


Aint no rooster like horse rooster

Welp, my ex has found out where I live.

After all the blocked number calls the last few weeks, she had a friend text me about bringing my belongings to me. Obviously I didn’t respond, so the next day they text me again saying she’ll throw it all out if I don’t respond, and that they (the friend) are just trying to help keep the peace.

“The peace.”
Yeah, there sure is a lot of that going around haha.

Now today another unsaved number text me asking if they should just leave my stuff outside my apartment building. Yeah, it could be a bluff, but my ex knows where my parents’ house is, and the apartment I am in is in the same exact area her and I used to live when we first met, so it’s not too far fetched that she got lucky and found me.

Now she’s texting a friend of mine that I actually talk to, but is going to tell her that they couldn’t reach me. Supposedly she is moving out of New England and has no intentions of bringing my stuff with her. But who knows how true that is.

But damn. I really hope she is moving far away from here.

good on u to cut ur losses and abstain from any contact

let the friends know that you two have reached peace, any further contact will just reignite contentions

let the friends know that you two have reached peace
This is peace, how may I take your order?

damn this is heartbreaking