im almost an adult and the concept of that is overwhelming
for any of you unaware, I've lived my entire life under close protection and kind of coddled by my grandpa and grandma. the most amazing old people you'll ever meet, those guys absolutely loved me; i was the one thing in their life that they loved most. for my entire life i was pretty lazy and didn't have much I had to do, probably for the worst but i had to have one hell of a nice childhood from it. I have so many fond memories of me watching spongebob, digimon, breadwinners, fairly odd parents, and all those other nick shows that Mr enter would probably stuff himself over and playing on my old wii with the chewed up nunchuk that I still own. I wouldn't have it any other way; my childhood was absolutely perfect. flawless.
both of them are gone now. god rest their souls.
life has felt so unbelievably empty without my grandma. my grandpa's been dead for years but my grandma only recently passed. sometimes I even see her in the house for a split second, and i had dreams where she was there that I can't really remember anymore. I would give anything to have her back, but knowing how hard she had to fight for years from the cancer just to be around me, she's in a better place and i don't want her suffering. I've dressed this moment ever since I was 10. i would have frequent nightmares of nan dying and i would always run to her room and sleep next to her bed, and wake up crying knowing that she's still with me. I never expected it would go down like this so early and i hate myself for being so optimistic about all this.
atleast I still have all my stuff from when I was young. My bookshelf was carved when my room was rearranged to turn it into an entertainment center which now houses my wii (still works) and all my other old consoles. My bureau is full of pictures of her with me and stupid stuff I did with her and all the silly nicnacs I begged her to buy every time we went somewhere. In the center of it all is a crochet she made for me one day, just on a whim, and framed.
I've never felt this empty before. I dont feel anything except regret for not spending more time with her and how rude I was when I was 14-15. I don't know if my life will ever go back to normal, just careless me having stupid fun whenever possible, but I sure loving hope it does.
i love you guys. i joined blf back when I was 12 or so, more specifically on vacation with my family meeting my uncle. you guys basically taught me the basics of social interaction and the harsh reality of the world, the fact that most people in the world aren't going to put up with you and the fact that being an idiot will just get me bullied. this stupid Albanian Lego forum carried me through the roughest years of my life.