Author Topic: A final update from us  (Read 1633 times)

Sounds like hell, tbh, probably very tiring and confusing to put up with in your daily life, but hopefully you can get that all figured out in due time, as well as what goes on in your own household :cookie:
Thank you for being understanding. Honestly I think having someone else here just recognize that what we've gone through is real feels like it's given us a bit of closure.
- Seven

I don't really like to open up on this bitch because the place is like 90% stuffheads these days. but idk I might as well. I guess as an expression of solidarity more than anything else because it's not like I can help directly

I don't have any symptoms as a consequence of trauma (I have other Symptoms they're just not related lmao), but I definitely do got the trauma. the main thing was being loveually abused by a foster sibling when I was like 7 or 8. and then I got on here. and stuff happened. mainly people a few years older than me being interested in me loveually. I was 12 the first time I ever sent a richard pic to somebody, which seems a lot more forgeted up when I write it out like that. I guess it was. I just don't really feel it on a daily basis. but in any case that kind of behavior continued throughout my teens, and I really don't think it was healthy for me. I was afforded the mercy that none of these people being grown ass adults, at least that I knew of lol. but I don't have a clue really, I have genuinely no idea how many people I shared pics of my body with, much less who they were. I think I got off really lucky not being actively groomed into a much worse situation, because god knows I would've been vulnerable to that
I obviously wasn't posting nudes on the forum but I did say a lot of dumb inappropriate stuff. probably including to you. I'm just going to presume that I did, and apologize. sorry shygriff. and the same to anyone else I made uncomfortable. I don't think about it very often anymore but I probably alienated a lot of people talking to them the way I did and despite the circumstances I still have to take responsibility for that

I think I've adjusted pretty well in adulthood. I'm actually effectively aloveual (a more appropriate term is probably love-averse...? I do experience loveual attraction, but I don't like to be touched loveually, and I definitely don't like to touch other people) now which is feels kind of funny to me, considering my expectations as a teenager. but I'm doing ok. I have normal friends and a cool career and everything. I hope you find some peace and happiness, wherever that might be

and this is in drama so I can't even edit it when I'm having second thoughts about putting all that out there. sure hope i get some absolution outta this

I'm proud of you both for opening up that takes a lot to be vulnerable! night fox I can relate in being super loveual at an early age, did you know you're more predisposed to that behavior if you were loveually abused?

op I hope your diagnosis helped you out, I know speaking from my own journey with mental health that diagnoses can be be a relief and is the first step to feeling less alien.

glad you both are doing ok!

op I know you said you don't currently go to therapy, nf I'm curious do you? obvi you don't have to answer that if you're not comfortable

foxscotch not night fox idk where that came from lol, mb I'm high

I'm proud of you both for opening up that takes a lot to be vulnerable! night fox I can relate in being super loveual at an early age, did you know you're more predisposed to that behavior if you were loveually abused?
I did 😔
op I know you said you don't currently go to therapy, nf I'm curious do you? obvi you don't have to answer that if you're not comfortable
nahhhhh and if I did I'm not sure I would ever be willing to talk about this with them. I've been doing ok just figuring stuff out on my own so far
foxscotch not night fox idk where that came from lol, mb I'm high
well we are one and the same so either way is fine really

Right now I'm trying to get into some kind of therapy program but the process is going pretty slow, we live in the US so everything kind of just sucks ass right now.
Also, I just remembered my parents used to read these forums, so on the off chance they're reading this now: Hi?
- The current host (prefers not to disclose his name here)

cptsd gang
i wonder if there's real correlation between child abuse and letting kids use unmoderated chat services

Gotta love realizing you can't remember most of your childhood and its likely due to various trauma from that time, I honestly don't remember most of what I've done here or elsewhere like 2013 and prior

cptsd gang but also probably not the best idea to open up about complex/vulnerable traumatic experiences and conditions on the blockland forums even if the forums arent entirely as aggressive as it used to be

I've talked about it in more public places than this. I can't stop someone from hypothetically judging me for it, and frankly if that's someone's deal, then what the hell do I care? the options are either they know and think less of me for it, or they don't know, but would. personally I don't feel much of an emotional distinction between those two options, but one of them also lets a few other people know they're not alone....!

I honestly don't remember most of what I've done here or elsewhere like 2013 and prior
same, though i dont think i've experienced much of any trauma at all

take time to think about the emotional trauma now. later in life, when physical trauma becomes a real and crippling threat to your wellbeing, you'll be wishing for death a lot harder than those dark moments of your adolescence.

It's a struggle, though, because we live in the US, which means everyone wants us dead.
hopefully you also understand that almost everyone and everything wants you dead, inside and outside the US. DID and paranoid personality disorder tend to go hand in hand so it's important to make the distinction that your diagnosis is not why people want you dead. the whole planet is hostile towards all life, and people especially can be hostile to other people, emotionally and physically abusive. the trauma you faced is not your fault; it could've happened to anyone, and it probably did happen to someone else perpetrated by the same person.

not everyone will be in your corner or have your best interests in mind when they interact with you. even your friends and family have personal problems that may interfere between you and them. it may even feel sometimes like they are angry at you when in reality everyone has their own complex lives to deal with. if you haven't already, try to incorporate forgiveness into your daily thought process. for yourself, your family, your past abusers and people who have wronged you. life is too short, and you don't want to spend the remainder of your natural life bitter and confused while others move on.

goes without saying that this is just an opinion and not meant to be a sweeping statement or advice. what works for others may not work for you, vice versa. read at your own discretion.

So for those of you who don't remember: This account was made by someone when they were 10 years old, although I believe they had another account when they were around 8 years old.
This person has C-PTSD and DID (both of which have been medically recognized, this is not a joke; both of these diagnoses are legitimate disorders recognized by professionals & our case has been validated by several professionals), in addition to psychotic symptoms which may be caused by schizophrenia, though this hasn't been confirmed or denied by a professional at this point.

Over the past 2 decades, we've undergone repeated trauma, most of which was either caused or worsened by the internet. Our original trauma was an incident in real life which gave us these disorders, but the internet-based trauma just made our symptoms much more harder to deal with.
In addition, the response to us talking about our symptoms online has been, frankly, disgusting.
A child with severe trauma who has become completely disconnected from reality and has no support system in real life isn't going to understand that they're "just being trolled" when they get told over and over again that their symptoms aren't real and they're just making it all up for attention.
You know what they are going to do, though? They're going to want to loving kill themselves.
And if they're one of the many unlucky ones, they're going to do it.

It's honestly a miracle that we've survived to 21 years old.
Our DID has been a blessing and a curse in that regard - one of our alters is an "angel" who's kept us from killing ourselves this whole time. In the past, that seemed unbelievably cruel. We couldn't understand why anyone would want to stop us from ending the suffering we went through on a daily basis.
But now, things are finally starting to actually get better.
If it weren't for our partner, we'd almost certainly be dead by now. We met him earlier this year and he's genuinely saved our life many times.

Currently we're trying to get professional help again - prior to this our experience with therapy had actually just been a source of even more trauma, as we sat in sessions for hours completely silent and motionless, physically unable to do anything while the therapist basically ignored us, and then let us go home to our mom who would emotionally abuse us for not doing good enough.
It's a struggle, though, because we live in the US, which means everyone wants us dead.
There are so many professionals out there who refuse to believe our disorders even exist despite all the evidence. Those who do believe DID exist usually write it off as "the disorder that makes you become a serial killer" (most people with DID are much more likely to cause harm to themselves than to others).
My hope is that we can get out of here soon - actually get out and live, not just die. But sometimes I'm scared that that's never going to happen.

- Ethan & Theo
just so im following, you're one person with schizophrenia? not like brothers sharing an account?

and who exactly "wants you dead" in the US?