how do you normally approach someone you haven't spoken to in a good while?

[Metalliku]

let's get straight to the point with this. for the longest time i've been meaning to reach out to old friends i haven't had a good chat in years (not too many tho, let's say its been 2-3 years at minimum), but there are a few problems of mine:

a) i am not particularly a good conversation starter. this is probably the biggest one and its something i've looking to improve since like, a long time, as i normally wait for someone to call me out first in order to start things up. sometimes i feel like a simple "hi! its been a while!" isn't enough, and sending some lame stuffpost would probably be even worse. and then there's continuing with the conversation, which shouldn't be as hard, as long as things don't get too awkward, which brings me to my next problem.

b) i have no idea what's going on in their personal life. in the best case scenario they could just still be doing their thing, trying their best to live life, keeping their favourite hobbies in check, etc. it shouldn't be hard as long as their personal interests remain intact for the most part. but if not then things could get real embarassing to keep going, as they're probably not the same person i once met for the first time. if that ever happens i would just shrink into nothingness and just ghost them.

c) they probably won't remember and/or care about me anymore. they could give small signs of interest often, for example: liking a post of mine on social media or a simple share, but those are not significant ways of showing that they still care about me if i am not willing to also try to start a conversation with them (see problem a)

i don't know what to do about this, am i being a little bitch and overthinking this stuff? should i just go with the flow and start with the first thing that comes to mind? do i plan something? or should i just let them be? could use some good advice here

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[bloody jumper]

i really feel you on this one, i want to reach out to an old friend of mine from way back because i really miss him, but my life is kind of a wreck and i don't want to have to talk about it and bum him out...

[Metalliku]

but my life is kind of a wreck and i don't want to have to talk about it and bum him out...

this is also a thing that i forgot to mention as well. the fear of having a moment of weakness and just dumping whatever stuff has been going on in my own personal life and making them feel like some sort of therapist out of nowhere, which would feel incredibly weird. i believe this is what the kids these days call as "traumadumping"

[Conan]

"hi its been a while, remembered some old memories of us hanging out and wanted to ask how you're doing" has always seemed fine to me, both as a recipient of the msg and sending it out to others. volunteering your own info comes after their response and should generally match the amount and depth of response they gave, if you're worried about being taken as trauma dumping

if they dont respond as much or as well as youd hope, theres nothing you can really do about it besides try to hang out with them more often and rekindle the friendship. but you shouldn't be worried if things dont go in that direction - its not like thats a requirement to stay in touch. i have old friends ive formerly been way closer to that i rarely talk to much anymore, but we still send occasional messages to reaffirm we still remember each other and make it clear we'd be able to rekindle the friendship if either of us wanted to.

[Trymos]

"Hi! It's been a while, how have you been?"

If it works, it works! If it doesn't work out, there's always more people. Sometimes friends just drift apart and move on, no bad blood, so don't think too deeply into it. Or it could be like Conan said and wind up talking rarely, but can rekindle the friendship if wanted.

Even if it does end really poorly, you don't know what's going on in their life, so while not cool it's not an indicator of who you are as a person. You'll be fine, trust me!

[Dr.Block]

I think simply inquiring about what they've been up to as the people above have been saying works. In my experience, the people who are happy to hear from you will respond no matter what you say, and the ones that aren't, won't. I've had close friends who I drifted apart from for years, and I agonized about the right message to send them thinking they didn't like me anymore and it's going to be creepy, ect. ect. Then I message that person or I bump into them out in the world and they're thrilled to see me and invite me out to brunch or something. You never know what other people are thinking about you and you always think it's worse than it is. Just talk to them the way you used to and if it's meant to be, it will be.

[bloody jumper]

I think simply inquiring about what they've been up to as the people above have been saying works. In my experience, the people who are happy to hear from you will respond no matter what you say, and the ones that aren't, won't. I've had close friends who I drifted apart from for years, and I agonized about the right message to send them thinking they didn't like me anymore and it's going to be creepy, ect. ect. Then I message that person or I bump into them out in the world and they're thrilled to see me and invite me out to brunch or something. You never know what other people are thinking about you and you always think it's worse than it is. Just talk to them the way you used to and if it's meant to be, it will be.

thank you, i think this convinced me to reach out