Is my story idea good?

[McDevin]

If you read my other topic you'd know im gonna enter a story making contest and if i win im promised to be boughten Gmod With Cs:S So this is my idea yet agian i need help (not magor help) ok so this is the over all idea of the story.

So there was this man as a kid growing up he loved stories his father would tell him (that came from his fathers). Expiecally (cnt spell right :D) this one about the fabled Gold ___ <-- what should this be ill finish my idea if you give me suggestions (i eould say "city" but there are all ready non fiction stories about people trying to find a city of gold and those storys are nonfiction)

[Ad Bot]

[Sgt. ???]

The Father talks about a city his other Father had been through in 1949 and it was overruled by chaos and like a man tells him to find his family and when he finds his family the owner of the secret city destorys the submarine and the father goes and kills the owner but before the owner dies he says"A man chooses but a slave obeys"and repeats,that was a summary of my story

[FlyGuy45]

Sucks thus far.

Really, one thread was enough.

[McDevin]

The Father talks about a city his other Father had been through in 1949 and it was overruled by FIX: choas /FIX and like a man tells him to find his family and when he finds his family the owner of the secret city destorys the submarine and the father goes and kills the owner but before the owner dies he says"A man chooses but a slave obeys"and repeats,that was a summary of my story

ben it wasnt gonna be a city and was gonna be different and the main guy was gonna die at the end. Dude and i didnt take that part from you because in your server you left out the part that his father told him that story.. And you said it like this "i once had a city of  gold" "it was corrupted by crooks and theifs" because it was about people stealing your builds remember?

[Sgt. ???]

no no you got it wrong i had a city and yes it was corrupted,anyways i just made that story up right now and put in my poem plus the ending can be yours i just wanted to make a ending.

[McDevin]

no my ending will be that the guy dies but with the last breath of air he looks at the hole that he dug and he sees a radiant glow of gold (then he dies)

[Skele]

You're 13 and can't spell "major" correctly? How do you expect to win a story writing contest?

[McDevin]

Spell check.

[reaper]

no my ending will be that the guy dies but with the last breath of air he looks at the hole that he dug and he sees a radiant glow of gold (then he BLOWS UP!)