Anyone who loves to hear sick stories and laugh their asses off at them should read this:
This happened last year. *throatclear*
It was an average day. I woke up, took a shower, took a pee, and went about my casual morning routines. As I was getting my shoes on and getting into the car, I noticed a slight... discomfort in my intestinal area. I assumed it was bad gas.
It was first hour, and I was beginning to notice that this was no ordinary gas problem. I tried to let out a well controlled, silent fart, but I abruptly stopped, feeling a burning sensation in my upper star fish. It was a shart, and I luckily stopped it before it could be unleashed into my pants, staining my cloths, and leaving a foul stench in my wake.
By the time second hour had arrived, the major discomfort had begun to kick in. The cold, hard seats of algebra class only made it more difficult to hold in the inevitable explosion that brewed in my intestinal track. With much fidgeting, I was able to make it to third hour, the last 55 minutes before lunch, and the freedom of the bathroom stalls.
This hour was even worse. It was agony like I'd never felt. It seemed my stomach was being sliced open, and my poo tube was being twisted violently, and relentlessly. I almost NEVER visit the bathroom in public, or during school hours. (This is mostly because the bathrooms are neglected and disgusting, and I'm not fond of the fact that anyone who walks into the bathroom can hear the urine and defecation splashing into the toilet bowl.) But this time, I couldn't wait any longer. I asked the teacher for a five minute bathroom break. She agreed, and I rushed down the hall and into the bathrooms.
This is where the real horror began... As previously stated, the school bathrooms are HORRIBLY neglected. Most stall doors have broken locks, and had a tendency to slowly move open by themselves. Most if not none of the toilets flush, either. Three, out of the four stalls had stuff in them, with broken motion-sensing-flushers, and the only stall open was for the disabled peepz. (Lock broken). I had no choice. I had to make an attempt to dump my boiling bomb.
I sat down on the cold, cold toilet seat and started the process. Sadly, I couldn't get far. I let out a single, explosive fart. I was lucky no one else was in the bathroom at this time, because the fart echoed like a gunshot throughout the bathroom. I looked down into the bowl, and the sides were coated in fluffy, brown flakes of poo.
That single fart was enough to get me through the rest of the day. I left lunch hungry, only eating half of my meal in fear that more pain would come.
Sixth hour ended, and after 7 long hours, I got out of the car, rushed to the bathroom, and spent 30 minutes emptying my intestines. (Also an agonizing process).
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TL;DR: I understand your pain. :D
