10 KB But who was Phone? Solved. Hatsuu 12/07/08(Sun)02:39:48 No.101393971
I just finished writing this, thought I'd share.
**********************
I have a story to tell. A story of epic proportions. A story that will solve one of /b/'s greatest mysteries.
I am about to tell you who was phone.
In order to tell this story I will have to go back many years. Twenty-eight years to be exact. Yes, right now we have entered the era of the 1980's, the era
responsible for leather, Madonna and Back to the Future. Particularly though, as said before, we want to be in the year of 1980. This year has great
significance to our story. Why is this?
Because this was the year Ronald Reagan was first elected as President of the United States.
Imagine the very night that Reagan was finally elected after having lost twice in 1968 and 1976. He was so excited. He, his wife Nancy, and many other
Repubilcans gathered to share champagne and take part in the new era soon to come. The party lasted for a long time, well into night and even until daylight.
As President Reagen said goodbye to the last of his friends, ready for a good rest before speaking with news reporters later that day, he noticed someone
sitting at his doorstop.
It was a little girl.
>> Anonymous 12/07/08(Sun)02:40:33 No.101394078
80's suck balls
>> Hatsuu 12/07/08(Sun)02:40:46 No.101394119
"Hello there," he said cheerfully. He ws tired, but he was still not going to be rude to her. She could not have been older than eleven or twelve. "Are you
lost?"
"Are you Ronald Reagan?" she asked without answering his question. She stared at him with curious but intent blue eyes, waiting for an answer. He did not
expect such a question, as he was sure that everyone in the country had known his name at this point. But still, she was a child, and he was not about to
ignore a simple questions such as this.
"I am. What is your name?"
At his confirmation she stood up and smiled a wide smile, one that showed a perfect set of white teeth. She hugged him, and the moment President Reagan
felt her innocent touch he was startled. It was not the contact itself, but another thing altogether.
She was freezing.
"Little girl, come inside and my wife and I will give you something wamr to wear while we call your parents!" he said in concern. "You'll catch your death
of cold out here!"
She let go and shook her head. "No need, Mr. Ronald Reagan. Those are just my cooling sensors. I have a natural air conditioner that brings my body
temperature lower than the average human by many degrees."
"Well, that's nice, but you still need at least a coa-"
"You don't understand, Mr. Ronald Regan," the girl interrupted. Then she confirmed: "I am a robot built by the government in secret in 1994. I have sent
myself back in time to warn you, my creator, of a tragedy that is to befall you on that same year."
>> Hatsuu 12/07/08(Sun)02:42:05 No.101394344
At this point President Reagen was feeling irritated. He had no idea who this child was, but to create such a lie! What an imagination! And to give him a
tragedy of all things! He was ready to firmly ask for the phone number to her parents home when out of nowhere the little girl began to speak in a language
he could not understand. He had never even heard the sounds before, and even more he did not know a human could make such sounds.
"What are you saying?!" he asked, suddenly frightened. But the words seemed to visualize themself as her words opened up a portal in front of his house. In
the portal were what looked like stars, shooting away from the them into a black abyss. He was in awe. "Is this... space?"
"No," she said bluntly, and she touched the portal. Immediately it had turned into what looked like a very normal street. "My computer travel screen was just
in standby mode after waiting for so long. It was merely a screen saver."
He did not understand but he chose to accept that this was actually happening. The little girltook his hand and pointed to the portal. "Are you ready, Mr.
Ronald Reagan?"
Ready for what? He did not know. But as the new President he needed to find out. Firmly squeezing the little girl's hand and taking in a long breath as if to
breathe in courage, he readied himself. The time was now. What time that was, he didn't know, but it was now.
They jumped in.
It was uneventful. For jumping into a portal that came out of nowhere at the command of a robot girl's foreign language in his front yard, yes, it was truly
uneventful. They jumped in, and the next thing he knew the portal was now behind them instead of in front of them, and the land around them looked very
different. He looked around curiously, but not afraid, until a newspaper conveniently rolled in front of him.
What he saw shocked him.
>> Anonymous 12/07/08(Sun)02:42:49 No.101394482
"I kid, I am actually a pleasure robot, send here to pleasure you in every way possible."
President Reagan thought to himself then let the robot in.
He proceeded to do some nasty stuff to the robot. He then turned into a bear and went to Bel Air.
THE END
>> Hatsuu 12/07/08(Sun)02:43:09 No.101394539
"L-Little girl," he began with a stammer. He could not help this. "I-Is this really the real 1994...?"
"Yes," she replied, sounding a little sad. She did not let go of his hand, knowing that it was his support. She had meant to tell him herself, but she did
not predict the newspaper that they would come across.
The newspaper that announced that Ronald Reagan was diagnosed with Alzheimer's Disease.
President Reagan couldn't believe it. Alzheimer's? HIM? And this was so close to his time! Yes, it was 1980 in his timeline and yes, 1994 was a good fourteen
years from now but still... it was shocking. It wouldn't even properly come into his thoughts. Time traveling was much easier to comprehend than the actual
events that happened in the timeline they traveled in.
He was utterly depressed and fourteen years away from home. Or, technically, he was ten feet from his home, but that was his home of fourteen years ago. It
no longer belonged to him. This made him even sadder. They stood in silence, in mourning.
"Tell me," he eventually began in a low voice. "Was I a good President?"
She smiled. "Good enough to be elected twice, Mr. Ronald Reagen. Please, don't be said, because your mission is not over. I will show you what you are to the
people."
And show him she did. The little girl opened up a cartridge in her leg and pulled out a small radio. When she played it, the language he could not understand
before started to speak from it. He looked around, waiting for another portal (the last one had turned into the star 'screen saver' and was slowly closing)
but no portal was to come. Just as he looked up something came dashing from the sun all the way down, landing right in front of them.
>> Anonymous 12/07/08(Sun)02:45:58 No.101395001
>>101394482
Reagan actually lived in Bel Air. Seriously, check Wikipedia.
>> Hatsuu 12/07/08(Sun)02:46:24 No.101395078
It was a gigantic three-toed sloth with large white bird wings. The little girl greeted the sloth in her robotic tongue and the sloth greeted back, then the
girl put the radio back in her leg and looked to President Reagen. "Chuck says he wants us to get on so we can show you museums. Don't worry, we'll fly
quickly and invisibly so no one will notice us."
He nodded. He was happy to know that, at least as President, he was a good man. He wanted to see those accomplishments to ease his mind. And to perhaps be
given hints to see what the people of his timeline liked to he could do everything right. He let the little girl get on Chuck first and then he got on,
remembering to properly buckle his seatbelt which was provided for him. He had to remind the little girl to do the same. Chuck spoke again in foreign tongue.
"All right, we're off!" the little girl translated, and the gigantic sloth's twenty-foot wingspan pushed them high up into the air, moving them at incredible
speeds. President Reagan, despite receiving such horrible news minutes ago felt lighter than ever. The wind seemed to brush all of his problems away, and he
felt amazing. As they flew, Chuck took them to many places: California, Washington D.C., Disneyworld- all which he noticed the sad newspapers, but all of
which he also noticed the people who mourned for him and loved him. Tears of joy welled from his eyes. He was to grateful to his people.
He was also able to grab several newspapers that detailed his triumphs and his history, which he pocketed for future reference. This he was also grateful for.
>> Anonymous 12/07/08(Sun)02:47:17 No.101395217
>>101394539
BUT WHO WAS PHONE
>> Hatsuu 12/07/08(Sun)02:47:32 No.101395258
It was when the President, the little girl and Chuck had decided to settle for a lunchbreak that things had started to take a dramatic turn, which means we
are nearing the middle of our tale. This turn began when, while President Reagan was eating his sandwhich, the little girl began to shout in a language that
sounded like the ringing of a telephone. She did it three times between pauses, and President Reagen started, unsure of what to do. He noticed she had
dropped her food and was covering her ears, creating a "v" shape with both of her arms. Chuck responded by eating his own sandwhich and muttering something
that sounded similar to annoyance, as if he were used to this.
"Little girl, are you okay?" he asked after the third shouting-ring. He reached for her arm and pulled one away from her ear. This caused the ringing to
stop, but instead two other voices entirely were shouting back and forth at each other. One was of a woman, crying because he "honey" had left to go
answer the phone, and the other was the "honey" himself, answering. Chuck's sloth-like expression went from annoyance to alarm.
As Chuck had every right to be alarmed. This was no ordinary phone call. Even President Reagan knew that, as he immediately recognized the voice to be his
daughter Patti. Though her liberal viewpoints had them often clashing, he loved his daughter very much, and to hear her crying sent him into a Reagen Rage
like no other. Shouting loudly towards the little girl, who was most definately not the target but for now would very much do for having him hear this, he
gave a cry that was so full of anger it turned out partially unintelligable:
>> Hatsuu 12/07/08(Sun)02:48:37 No.101395453
"WUT R U DOIN WIT MY DAUGHTER?"
The "honey" on the other side was quiet for a moment, then President Reagen could hear his voice fade a little as he turned to tell Patti that it was her
father who was on the phone. There was a gasp. In a reply that was also partially unintelligable, she said:
"My dad is ded."
At this point Chuck, who knew the gravity of this situation whatever if may be, look his long three-toed limbs and cut communications with Patti and her
"honey" by placing the little girls' hand back on her ear. The little girl returned back to her normal state, but she was also in a panic as she turned to
Chuck and they raced back in fourth in their language. President Reagen, who was still filled with Reagen Rage, was confused and angered by the situation.
He wanted angers. And he wanted them now.
Before he could yell any more the little girl pushed President Reagen back onto Chuck and they took off before they could even apply their seatbelts. They
raced across the country, zipping through cities and tunnels and highways and passages.
"Wait, stop!" President Reagen commanded, but they did not stop. When he knew this was ineffective, he took a calmer approach. "Explain what is happening!
Why was Patti on the phone? Why was I dead? This is 1994, right?"
>> Hatsuu 12/07/08(Sun)02:49:35 No.101395623
"You fool!" the little girl spat, though it seems she only said it rudely because she was so worried. "You have been transported fourteen years into the
future, but my wires often come into contact with other timelines. That wire was from 2008- twenty-eight years from your timeline, Mr. Reagen! To Patti, you
died four years ago!"
Altough this was both crazy, incomprehensible and sad news, President Reagan chose to believe and even felt secretly proud of himself for battling the
Alzheimer's for ten years. He was going to have a rough future, but he still felt he had to be strong no less.
He readied himself for action, which brings us to the last portion of our tale. "What are we doing now?"
"You were not supposed to speak with anyone in the future other than those of my kind," she explained, pointing to herself and Chuck. "We are communications
devices, and we are able to understand any situation without mind implosion. This is not possible for humans, so we MUST fix this. We must have the person
on the other phone believe that it was not you who called, but someone else entirely. Someone who is still alive."
>> Hatsuu 12/07/08(Sun)02:50:26 No.101395766
The party of three soon realized that it was not enough to be able to find someone in the United States. No, this was too close and too evident to Patti and
her "honey's" home to throw them off. So Chuck prepared to fly to Australia, where they were sure to find someone who was willing to play the part of the
mysterious entity they thought of as Phone.
Alone practicing his acting, still working off the personality of his role as an oprhaned Clown from the 1992 film "Clowning Around" was Heath Ledger. Chuck,
the little girl and President Reagen sensed something from this man, something great. Perhaps President Reagen was reminded of his own acting skills, but
somehow he knew that this man would be as legendary as he was in the acting world.
Yes, this was the man. He was the one for the job.
Chuck landed before Heath Ledger, who was so concentrated on his acting he did not really notice the giant cloth with a little girl and a former President.
He only began to notice when the little girl got off of Chuck and approached him, smiling soflty.
"Hello there," said Heath Ledger, greeting her similarly to the way President Reagen did. "Are you lost?"
"No," she replied. "What is your name?"
"My name is Heath Ledger. What is yours?"
>> Anonymous 12/07/08(Sun)02:51:50 No.101395996
tl;dr
>> Hatsuu 12/07/08(Sun)02:52:20 No.101396078
"I have come from many eras, but this is the year I was born," she sort of explained. But she was still going to get to the point quickly. "Heath Ledger, we
require a favor from you."
"Of course," he said, completely unsuspecting. The little girl turned and pointed to Chuck and President Reagen, and it was the first time he noticed them. He
acted startled at first, but was amazed more than anything. He quickly greeted the two of them as well, then turned back to the little girl. "What do you
need?"
Very quickly the little girl explained who Ronald Reagen was, his journey through time, and his incident through her telecommunication devices while they were
having a leisure picnic of sorts. Heath Ledger, whose watched her intently as she explained, knew from the look in her eyes that she was serious- he did not
doubt her words. He listened and nodded, fascinated by the journey.
"And that is why," she concluded, "we need someone else to be Phone. It will be kept secret, but should the question ever be asked we don't want to destroy
the universe or the minds of all humans. Only you can do this, Heath Ledger. Will you accept?"
There was no question nor doubt in Heath Ledger's mind. "I accept," he said. "I will become Phone."
>> Anonymous 12/07/08(Sun)02:52:36 No.101396124
wtf epic
>> Anonymous 12/07/08(Sun)02:52:50 No.101396162
tl;dr
probably epic
bumping just in case it is
>> Anonymous 12/07/08(Sun)02:52:51 No.101396168
GODDAMN THE TL;DR!
>> Anonymous 12/07/08(Sun)02:53:17 No.101396234
ronald reagan was phone for all you tldr's
>> Anonymous 12/07/08(Sun)02:55:03 No.101396528
>>101396234
Got that far, but don't know where this is all going.
>> Anonymous 12/07/08(Sun)02:55:19 No.101396586
some1 cap this
>> Anonymous 12/07/08(Sun)02:55:55 No.101396687
>>101396234
"There was no question nor doubt in Heath Ledger's mind. "I accept," he said. "I will become Phone.""
>> Hatsuu 12/07/08(Sun)02:57:16 No.101396916
With this, their journey was over. It was a short journey, one that made absolutely no sense nor did it have a reason. But this journey was a fact, and it
a fact this small group of four individuals- known as President Ronald Reagen, little girl, Chuck and Heath Ledger- would all take to their graves.
But there is another small thing to add to this tale. As the little girl opened up a new portal for President Regan to go back in time with, now with
newspapers from the future and his mind at ease, he felt the need to ask.
"Little girl," he began as the portal he jumped through started to close. He only had a short time before the portal would close completely and he might
never see her until 1994. He had to know. "What is your name?"
The little girl, whose smile was sweet and shy, answered just before all contact with them was lost.
"CleverBot."
/END/
