In short, I had my laptop compromised by the evil forces while I was downloading fallout 3, I completely forgot to turn my firewall back on after trying to do something or another. Basically my IP was found and they just uploaded all kinds of stuff to it. I couldn't open any of my browsers to fix anything so I was stuck.
I managed to fix it with my bro's laptop, all I needed was internet access to submit a HijackThis scan log and clean out what was loving everything. Moral of the story, never turn off your firewall. It's a pretty dumb idea.