Today, I learned that a spontaneous romantic gesture of arriving home early with flowers and wine is not welcome when your wife is busy having love with your brother. FML
Today, I discovered that sitting in the back of your car from 8-9 p.m. talking with a friend in a park area is suspicious enough behavior to have cops called on you, then for backup to arrive. FML
Today, my wife tried to surprise me by waking up 15 minutes early and giving me a lewinsky. Note to other men: if you're significant other uses Listerine prior to oral love, it will burn. Badly. FML
Today, I sent my black boss an e-mail saying "I don't mean to be a nagger, but..." and I accidentally type "monday". I lost my job because of a typo. FML.
Today, I learned that when you go to help out elderly men at a Nursing home, they are going to try to grab your butt and chest, and whip out their snake to try to have love, now I'm scarred for life, FML
Today, I was sitting in class listening to two of my guy friends talk about cum. One of them says "I heard it has sugar in it", without thinking I say, 'it's not sweet'. They both turned and looked at me. FML
Today my e-mail wasn't working so i went on my boyfriends so i can talk to my friends.I then saw you had 3 category's of contacts family, friends, and girlfriend's. I decided to check this girlfriend's category.There's more than just me in it. FML.
Today, i was in wal-mart with my friend. He went to grab me some condoms because later i have a hot date. As i was grabbing bread i ran into an old high school crush. As we were talking, my friend ran up with x-small condoms and said "Are these good? Or are they to small". FML.
Today I was at my girlfriends house having love. In the middle of it i felt something on my snake. Later to find out it was my girlfriends dog licking it. FML
