My Story: The Secret Library

[Deoxy99]

The Secret Library:
Originally Published In: 1980
Author: Deoxy99

Once upon a time, there was a library that was filled with books. It was filled with special books that are filled with pages of magical charms and wishes. You could read the book and you would be taken there in your mind and dream of the scents, feelings, sights, sounds and tastes. One day, someone called Deoxy99, went to that exact library. Deoxy99 rushed to the science section. He picked up a atom book, which talks about the structure of atoms. Then he started dreaming of atoms, quarks, and elements. The book started freaking out. It seemed to have a curse on it. Deoxy99 was sucked in the book. And he was an atom. He was a lithium atom. Then things started melting. Pictures melted. Dreams melted. Senses melted. Everything and everyone was melted. Then things came back to normal. Deoxy99 closed the book and rushed home to tell his mom. Deoxy99's mom did not believe him. Then Deoxy99 woke up. It was just a dream. "Thank goodness I am still alive and moving." said Deoxy99. But there was a book on his bright and shiny pillow. It was the exact book he had read in the dream. A sticker on it said, "The Secret Library Book: Due Today." He opened it and he dreamed of atoms, quarks, and elements.


THE END...


"Be happy...", from some song!

[Ad Bot]

[WhatevaGuy]

Lemme point out a few flaws: It couldn't have been published in 1980, you weren't born then. You must have plagiarized. Also, it lacks the elements a good story needs. It has two characters, no plot conflict or resolution, and there is no climax or exposition at all.

Needs work. Its a start, but it lacks the polish it needs.

[Regulith]

Issues:

1. This wasn't published in 1980.
2. "Once upon a time" is so cliche it's not even funny. "Once upon a time" is for fairy tales.
3. You didn't describe a thing. Everything was vague.
4. Your sentences. Were horribly. Choppy. Your words should flow easily off the tongue, or off the mind, depending on how it's read.

[Deoxy99]

But...But...the people on my forum love it!


1980 was just a joke! I was kidding. It did not need a conflict, resolution, climax, or exposition! It was just a story. It is just a fun explanitory story.

[WhatevaGuy]

But...But...the people on my forum love it!

Link me. They probably didn't.

[Regulith]

I'm giving you constructive criticism. "Your forum" obviously knows nothing of writing.

[Deoxy99]

The details! READ CAREFULLY! You missed the story. READ THE STORY AGAIN, and say something good!

[WhatevaGuy]

The details! READ CAREFULLY! You missed the story. READ THE STORY AGAIN, and say something good!

Oh. My. God.

You are kidding. Are you TELLING someone to compliment you? This is a new low, Deoxy. I'm ashamed.

[Regulith]

Do you not understand the concept of constructive criticism? I'm telling you how to make it better. You cannot tell people to only tell you the good things about your pieces or you will learn nothing.

[Spockticus]

There was a secret library and you read a book about science. Ogm.

[WhatevaGuy]

Agreed.

Here are some pointers:

• Re-read Regulith's posts.
• Don't use cliche-ey things like "THE END" or "Once upon a time..."
• When writing a story, make a rough draft. Sometimes I fall short on this rule, but it is VERY important.
  

Pay attention to those and you'll be fine; if not, better than before at least.

There was a secret library and you read a book about science. Ogm.

Hence.

[Regulith]

Spock brings up a good point, the plot (?) in general is cliche as well.

[Deoxy99]

GOSH!! No one appreciates me for who I am? I am getting closer to my limit!

[Deoxy99]

I AM THIS MAD!

[MtnDew]

For a second, i thought this topic was about my favorite movie: The Page Master.
But im wrong :(