Removed

[Lord Elavier]

Cool guys. I'll add you this friday because it is night at my place and I got school tomorrow D:

Hint: I'm making a rpg on this and it iwll be up after I make chapter 4. Do you want to help?

OffTopic: Bump...

Ya Sure, I sent you chapter 4.

[Ad Bot]

[shafin25]

Did you finish reading chapter 3? Because that fire part, I'm gonna have to change it a bit.

[shafin25]

RRR

[chesse20]

you can change my charters name or story if you want im not very creative at that stuff

[oromis]

I'ts meh. I found a mistake in the first few sentances, and also, it's very... divided. It's like

I went to the store. I opened the door. I saw the chips. So I went up to them. Checked the fats. A lot. So I bought them. And left the store.

As opposed to

I went to the store and opened the door. As I walked through the door, I saw my favorite bag of chips, so I walked over to them. I checked how much fat was in them; Lots of fat. Oh well. So I bought them and left the store, and raped this little girl I found outside.

[Lord Elavier]

I'ts meh. I found a mistake in the first few sentances, and also, it's very... divided. It's like

I went to the store. I opened the door. I saw the chips. So I went up to them. Checked the fats. A lot. So I bought them. And left the store.

As opposed to

I went to the store and opened the door. As I walked through the door, I saw my favorite bag of chips, so I walked over to them. I checked how much fat was in them; Lots of fat. Oh well. So I bought them and left the store, and raped this little girl I found outside.

...

[shafin25]

RR

[Lord Elavier]

I'll start to get better as I get the feeling of this story, even though I'm the author of the story and is also 12 years old.........

Same here. Where the 2 writing this. Just because where 12 doesnt mean you can judge us on how smart you we are. Some one logical would realsize that being smart is not just based on age but more of how Mature they are an how focused they are. Some times I feel that some of us younger one are smarter than the older ones since we realize been a Troll really doesnt help and just saying your a lier and not beliving them is the smartest thing to do. Even the youngest person knows that...yet it seems the older you get people judge you more on age , not on what really should be judged on

On Topic: PLEASE READ WHAT I SENT YOU

[shafin25]

RR

[chesse20]

when is he gonna work on this

[shafin25]

RR

[chesse20]

come on and update this already

[-Mike-]

lol'd

[chesse20]

you should work on this