Author Topic: Opinion paper  (Read 2961 times)

Hey guys. In Lit we were supposed to write a 5 paragraph opinion paper, and this is what I came up with. We peer edited each other's papers today, and almost all the responses I got were 'good job.' Real helpful. Anyway, since you guys barely know me please tear this up with criticism so I can make it better. Or just say how awesome it is. A little bit of both will do. The paper is on how architecture is the greatest of all arts.



   Everyone has need of shelter. In fact, it’s widely accepted that the three basic human necessities are food, water and shelter. Shelter can come in many forms, from a homely lean-to to a majestic mansion but the aim always remains- a safe place to live. Everything else, it would appear, is discretionary. One optional thing about shelter is the beauty of the structure itself. Beauty that is derived from human creativity is the basic definition of art. Therefore, any medium through which a human creates beauty can be defined as an art form.  It is my belief that architecture is the greatest of all arts.
   To understand this belief, it would be beneficial to acknowledge other forms of art and their benefits. There are visual arts such as painting and drawing. There are spatial arts such as modeling and sculpting. Even still there are arts that appeal to the rest of the senses, like the culinary arts or music. However most arts are almost wholly superfluous in our every day lives. We do not need paintings or music to live; we do however need buildings (or shelter) and subsequently architecture. Our lives are almost literally constructed around our buildings and the systems inside of them.
   But architecture transcends a single form of art; in fact, it is the manifestation of several arts. It takes proficient drawing and creative skills to conceptualize a building, but the physical building of the structure is closer to making a sculpture. Unlike a sculpture, however, every square foot of this building must function cohesively with the rest of itself. No matter how beautiful a building is, if it doesn’t complete the task it was built for it’s simply a leviathan sculpture.
   But architecture also manifests an art form that can not be entirely encapsulated in any other art form: A near organic interaction from a lifeless form. A building affects everything around it. It affects the site. It affects both emotionally and physically the people who use it. Lastly, the topic to which more attention has been paid recently, it affects the environment. A building is a dynamic thing that is meticulously whose effects; both obvious and subtle, are planned down to, literally, the square foot.
   In conclusion, it is almost needless to say at this point that architecture is both a necessity and a luxury. Even the chintziest and most bbrown town architecture affects us on a daily basis, whether we think about it or not. Every once in a while, however, a piece of architecture can come along that everyone can identify with and understand the beauty of. What they might not understand, however, is that they are truly feeling the effects of what I like to think of the greatest of all arts.

Good job.
Pretty great stuff.

I'm sorry to say that I can't really find a way to kill it with criticisms, so I won't be of much help to you...

I'll just say that after reading all that I completely agree with you.

I agree, although, archatechure, is hard to do, and isn't as beautiful in a computer as it is in real life, so, Archatecture, is the greatest art ever.

I agree, although, archatechure, is hard to do, and isn't as beautiful in a computer as it is in real life, so, Archatecture, is the greatest art ever.
Someone doesn't like periods.
Anyway, I do indeed love your paper. I can't find many things wrong with it, so you should probably wait for Trash Man.
« Last Edit: October 20, 2009, 07:05:03 PM by Cheemo »

Thanks guys, the internet's praise actually means a lot more to me then the people I've known and interacted with on a near daily basis for almost 4 years now.

That's probably a bad thing.

Then I shall contribute also. Veddy nice.

Eww In conclusion.

Make it more I believe,

I strongly believe etc.

Eww In conclusion.

Make it more I believe,

I strongly believe etc.
I agree, the last paragraph is weak and choppy. But I think that 'I strongly believe...' sounds way to cliché'd.

In conclusion also sounds cliche'd though.

I have this same problem with conclusions like that. Every possible way to start off a conclusion just sounds stupid to me.

I have this same problem with conclusions like that. Every possible way to start off a conclusion just sounds stupid to me.
I hate most conclusions, they almost always sound contrived to me.


   Everyone has need of shelter. In fact, it’s widely accepted that the three basic human necessities are food, water, and shelter. Shelter can come in many forms, from a homely lean, to to a majestic mansion. The aim always remains: a safe place to live. Everything else, it would appear, is discretionary. One optional thing about shelter is the beauty of the structure itself. Beauty that is derived from human creativity is the basic definition of art. Therefore, any medium through which a human creates beauty can be defined as an art form.  It is my belief that architecture is the greatest of all arts.
   To understand this belief, it would be beneficial to acknowledge other forms of art and their benefits. There are visual arts such as painting and drawing. There are spatial arts such as modeling and sculpting. Even still there are arts that appeal to the rest of the senses, like the culinary arts or music. However, most arts are almost wholly superfluous in our every day lives. We do not need paintings or music to live; we do need buildings (or shelter) and subsequently architecture. Our lives are literally constructed around our buildings and the systems inside of them.
   But architecture transcends a single form of art, in fact, it is the manifestation of several arts. It takes proficient drawing and creative skills to conceptualize a building, but the physical building of the structure is closer to making a sculpture. Unlike a sculpture, however, every square foot of this building must function cohesively with the rest of itself. No matter how beautiful a building is, if it doesn’t complete the task it was built for it’s simply a leviathan sculpture.
   But architecture also manifests an art form that can not be entirely encapsulated in any other art form: a near organic interaction from a lifeless form. A building effects everything around it. It effects the site and it effects both emotionally and physically the people who use it. Lastly, the topic to which more attention has been paid recently, it affects the environment. A building is a dynamic thing that is meticulously whose effects; both obvious and subtle, are planned down to, literally, the square foot.
   In conclusion, it is almost needless to say at this point that architecture is both a necessity and a luxury. Even the chintziest and most bbrown town architecture affects us on a daily basis, whether we think about it or not. Every once in a while, however, a piece of architecture can come along that everyone can identify with and understand the beauty of. What they might not understand, however, is that they are truly feeling the effects of what I like to think of the greatest of all arts.


I fixed all of the grammatical errors as well as punctuation.

The bold sentence is a fragment where you appear to have forgot a phrase...

Also you used "affects" instead of "effects".

You can take these corrections or not, but mind you (not bragging) I am in Honors English and we do peer edits all the time. It was beat into our heads how to fix this stuff.

my opinion: CSI New york is better the Law and order

I read the title as "onion paper" .
Silly me. Onions would me more interesting.
That's my opinion :U

I don't like it.

Hey guys. In Lit we were supposed to write a 5 paragraph opinion paper, and this is what I came up with. We peer edited each other's papers today, and almost all the responses I got were 'good job.' Real helpful. Anyway, since you guys barely know me please tear this up with criticism so I can make it better. Or just say how awesome it is. A little bit of both will do. The paper is on how architecture is the greatest of all arts.



   Everyone has need of shelter boring. In fact, it’s widely accepted accepted? that the three basic human necessities are food, water and shelter. Shelter can come in many forms, from a homely lean-to to a majestic mansion but the aim always remains- a safe place to live. Everything else, it would appear, is discretionary. One optional thing about shelter is the beauty of the structure itself. Beauty that is derived from human creativity is the basic definition of art. Therefore, any medium through which a human creates beauty can be defined as an art form.  It is my belief that architecture is the greatest of all arts. Whole entire opening paragraph has nothing to do with your thesis
   To understand this belief, it would be beneficial to acknowledge other forms of art and their benefits. There are visual arts such as painting and drawing. There are spatial arts such as modeling and sculpting. Even still there are arts that appeal to the rest of the senses, like the culinary arts or music. However most arts are almost wholly superfluous in our every day lives. We do not need paintings or music to liveCulinary is necessary so you just damaged your point; we do however need buildings (or shelter) and subsequently architecture. Our lives are almost literally constructed around our buildings and the systems inside of them.
   But architecture transcends a single form of art; in fact, it is the manifestation of several arts. It takes proficient drawing and creative skills to conceptualize a building, but the physical building of the structure is closer to making a sculpture. Unlike a sculpture, however, every square foot of this building must function cohesively with the rest of itself. No matter how beautiful a building is, if it doesn’t complete the task it was built for it’s simply a leviathan sculpture.This paragraph I can live with
   But architecture also manifests an art form that can not be entirely encapsulated in any other art form: A near organic interaction from a lifeless form. A building affects everything around it. It affects the site. It affects both emotionally and physically the people who use itI guess but meh. Lastly, the topic to which more attention has been paid recently, it affects the environment. A building is a dynamic thing that is meticulously whose effects; both obvious and subtle, are planned down to, literally, the square foot.This paragraph is gay and makes no sense
   In conclusionGeneric, it is almost needless to sayThen don't. at this point that architecture is both a necessity and a luxury. Even the chintziest and most bbrown town architecture affects us on a daily basis, whether we think about it or not. Every once in a while, however, a piece of architecture can come along that everyone can identify with and understand the beauty of. What they might not understand, however, is that they are truly feeling the effects of what I like to think of the greatest of all arts.Conclusion is for strengthening your points, which you had very little of.


You know some big words but you need to stick to the basics. Opening paragraphs summarize what you are going to talk about and in your case have a thesis which you did. Every opening paragraph should have 1 point you want to prove, and then 3 sentences or more that help prove it(ideally the points could be from your thesis). The conclusion should strengthen your points and give a little bit of your opinion and end it. That is the winning formula for school, English teachers don't like creativity.
« Last Edit: October 24, 2009, 01:02:33 PM by Visage »

I don't like it.
Well, thank you for tearing me a new one. It took a while, but I think it was worth the wait. That's exactly what I wanted to get out of this thread, thank you for your time.
« Last Edit: October 24, 2009, 04:35:24 PM by Sirrus »