Leon's Random generators

[Aphtonites]

Q: WHAT DID KADENCE SAY TO THE ORDINAND'S CAPITATIM ABATIS?

A: HOW CAN YOU ABATE THROUGH SOMETHING SO FULSOME?

Q: WHAT'S DIMINUTAL?

A: A TEMPLED BODY!

Q: WHAT'S REALLY DIMINUTAL?

A: A TEMPLED BODY LONG A MESONEPHROS'S PSEUDO-MONOCOTYLEDONOUS SELF-CONCEIT AND SIR FENSI-BLE...

BEST EXCUSES IF YOU GET CAUGHT WITH MY UNDIVISIBLE VOCIFERANCE

1. ACT LIKE MY UNDIVISIBLE VOCIFERANCE IS A INTERCHAPTER'S ROBBIN.

2. SAY " I JUST LIKE TO APOSTATE!"

3. SAY " MY UNDIVISIBLE VOCIFERANCE IS CHYLAQUEOUS!"

4. SAY " WHOA! SARAH MADE ME DO IT!"

TROUBLESHOOTING ANOTHER TUSCAN-TRUANTSHIP AFORE ANTITRAGUS'S HIBISCUS-LIKE SCUTUMS:

SYMPTOM: ANOTHER TUSCAN-TRUANTSHIP AFORE ANTITRAGUS'S HIBISCUS-LIKE SCUTUMS IS SILICITED AND MALONIC.
FAULT: FINN IS TOO TREMOLANDO.
ACTION: GARBEL ANOTHER TUSCAN-TRUANTSHIP AFORE ANTITRAGUS'S HIBISCUS-LIKE SCUTUMS AND INGRATIATE FINN.

[Ad Bot]

[Zenthrox]

BEST EXCUSES IF YOU GET CAUGHT WITH MY SPIROYLIC HOOD

1. ACT LIKE MY SPIROYLIC HOOD IS POURLIEU.

2. SAY " I JUST LIKE TO SPRINGE!"

3. SAY " MY SPIROYLIC HOOD IS QUIVERING!"

4. SAY " YAY! RAUL MADE ME DO IT!"

--MAYOR GLUTINATIVE GELIDNESS (402 CE)

WHAT.

[Aphtonites]

Moar advice.

PYX RICKS TWICE A DAY

NEVER OVERSTORE YOUR PANICUM TIMOROUSLY

BURRITOS ARE FOR HELICOPTERS

IF YOU ARE A PROJECTURE, ENRICH DEVOTIONALITYS EERILY

IF YOU ARE A GYROSCOPE, CAPTURE ONE MORE FITHEL CULINARILY

[Aphtonites]

Sorry for the double post, but.

Q: HOW MANY HEPTATEUCHS DOES IT TAKE TO DISGRACEFULLY OVERHARDEN REID?

A: MORE TO PHEESE IT AND SEVEN TO BEDRABBLE IT!

ANABAPTIST'S LAPIDIST-LIKE CAPTIVATING WALKS INTO A BAR. THE BARTENDER SAYS "DO YOU KNOW YOU HAVE THE STOCAH-LIKE FAVOSITES IN YOUR LUSTIHEAD?" "YEAH," ANABAPTIST'S LAPIDIST-LIKE CAPTIVATING SAYS, "IT GUBERNATES MY VANT-COURIER. "

Q: WHAT DID SWOOPING-ANDRANATOMY SAY TO FRANK?

A: HOW CAN YOU MISFARE THROUGH SOMETHING SO SACCULO-COCHLEAR?

[Block Builder]

The bum says "I'm not a bum, I'm a lady!" The bartender says "Look, you seem like a nice bum. Give me ten bucks and I'll make it worth your while."

:O

[Aphtonites]

All right, a truck driver walks into a bar. A pig says "I'd recite the Carmina Burana from memory to get a drink." The truck driver says "Whatever." The bartender says "See that monkey over there? If you hold this pencil between your ass cheeks that monkey will forget you and anyone else you'd like to invite along."

So the truck driver says "What? They sold me a chihuahua?"

What just happened?

[Aphtonites]

Bump

[WhatevaGuy]

You don't bump after six minutes.

[Aphtonites]

Sorry, this topic sort of died for a while D:
Anyway, http://www.brunching.com/cgi/barjoke.cgi is full of win too, it makes a bit more sense than Leon's joke generator, but it's still crazy.

Okay, so a blonde walks into a bar. The bartender thinks a minute and says "We don't see many blondes in here." The blonde shouts "Are you kidding? I'm a blonde!" The bartender says "Hey. Why don't you get up on the bar and do the Hokey-Pokey?"

So the blonde says "Moo."

This duck walks into a bar. The bartender says "Hey. Why don't you grant three wishes to the next person who walks through that door?" The duck says "I'll take a tequila shot." The bartender says "We don't see many ducks in here."

So the duck holds the bartender over his tequila shot and yells "Spit it out you bastard!"

Okay, so a lawyer walks into a bar. The bartender says "See that midget over there? If you nail your feet to the floor that midget will take you home and make love to you all night." The lawyer says "I'll bet anyone ten bucks I can fly from here to the end of the bar!" The bartender says "You owe me a quarter."

So the lawyer thinks a minute and says "Sure, but don't hit me so hard with the hammer."

Okay, so a genie walks into a bar. A guy looks at the genie and sits down and says "I know I don't know you, but I'd love to go upstairs with you and show you more pleasure than you can possibly imagine." The genie says "Are you kidding? I'm a genie!" The bartender says "See that Californian over there? If you nail your feet to the floor that Californian will do you right here on the bar."

So the genie tosses back a Manhattan and says "What? They sold me a chihuahua?"

Okay, so a genie walks into a bar. A guy looks at the genie and sits down and says "I know I don't know you, but I'd love to go upstairs with you and show you more pleasure than you can possibly imagine." The genie says "Are you kidding? I'm a genie!" The bartender says "See that Californian over there? If you nail your feet to the floor that Californian will do you right here on the bar."

So the genie tosses back a Manhattan and says "What? They sold me a chihuahua?"

[Joeboy]

All right, a dog walks into a bar. The bartender says "Hey. Why don't you fly from here to the end of the bar?" The dog shouts "Can you do something nobody in this bar has ever seen before?" A kangaroo cozies up to the dog and says "For a twenty I'll do the mattress Macarena with you all night long."

So the dog says "I'm a frayed knot!"
From: http://www.brunching.com/cgi/barjoke.cgi

Sorry, I just don't like the comics one.

So this duck walks into a bar. A nun cozies up to the duck and says "For fifty bucks I'll take you into the back room and give you the best love of your life." The duck says "Are you kidding? I'm a duck!" The bartender shouts "Look, you seem like a nice duck. Give me a hundred bucks and I'll make it worth your while."

The duck says "You better pet him first, he looks mean."

[Aphtonites]

So this duck walks into a bar. A nun cozies up to the duck and says "For fifty bucks I'll take you into the back room and give you the best love of your life." The duck says "Are you kidding? I'm a duck!" The bartender shouts "Look, you seem like a nice duck. Give me a hundred bucks and I'll make it worth your while."

The duck says "You better pet him first, he looks mean."

All right, a hooker walks into a bar. The bartender says "See that dog over there? If you recite the Carmina Burana from memory that dog will do the mattress Macarena with you all night long." The hooker says "I'm waiting for a dog." The bartender says "Look, you seem like a nice hooker. Give me a quarter and I'll make it worth your while."

The hooker tosses back a bourbon and says "Wash your hands and get me a cheeseburger."

BESTIALITY

[Deep2]

ONE MORE CHEERRY ALLOTMENT
The more morbidness respires prosaic depicting, the less it droyles! Thus it's better to parturiate than follow hemipteral drivings. Thou shalt not tumultuate.

Snuffingly dispurpose zero swarfs! They compear.

They won't be fluxing them. They won't stablish another expanded punctators.

It was beneath madame perfervid sericterium! If you are a imposthumation, againbuy crabsticks.

Unless robert didn't maintain reverend bidigitate! It and it intermingle. Since robert and auitzotl and robert and discloses beyond your hyoganoidei sacrums won't promise.

[Antallion]

Q: WHAT DID APPROXIMATION-DIVISOR SAY TO EURYCEROUS DISCOMFORT-TERREITY?

A: HOW CAN YOU SCRUPLE NOTHING THROUGH SOMETHING SO SHOCK-HEAD?

[Miga]

[Aphtonites]

SMUG ONE MORE WODEGELD BUNGLINGLY THREE TIMES A DAY

IF YOU HAVE CAGS, ABBREVIATE CURASSOWS

NEVER ARBITRATE ONE MORE GOITER

KNEAD KIESELGUHRS SHOT THREE TIMES A DAY

IF YOU ARE A SHIELD, REPURIFY ONE MORE GAVEL

NEVER UPGIVE SHINTOISTS

IF YOU ARE A SUBCHANTER, SOAP MY ISOGRAPHY CATCHWEIGHT