Poll

The snippet is...

...great.
9 (25.7%)
...good.
5 (14.3%)
...okay.
10 (28.6%)
...bad.
1 (2.9%)
...terrible.
10 (28.6%)

Total Members Voted: 35

Author Topic: New Story: The Voices  (Read 2337 times)

I started today, and I am happy that I am back using Word--I love ya Google, but GDocs isn't my favorite thing in the world.

Anyways, this is what I have so far.  Notify me of typos 'n' schtuff.

Quote from: The Voices
   I have always been different.  Hearing things others don’t, seeing things others don’t, sometimes even feeling things others don’t—this is rare, but it has happened.
   They say that people like me are crazy; I know for a fact that this is not true, for if I were crazy how could I be here talking to you?  People have told me that I will never amount to anything, that I will be an outcast all my life; maybe they’re right and maybe not, but that does not concern me.  What I am here to tell you about is what happened the night of April 21st, 2007—and every night after that until January 1st, 2010.

   You see, I sometimes hear voices; a raspy, deep, and very quiet voice, almost a whisper, maybe less.  But they--these voices--have never said anything up until that day. It was a Saturday, I remember that, and it was sometime around ten o’clock at night.  So faint at first, but day after day they grew louder, and less tolerable.
   But it became worse, because you see: with every voice there must be a body to go with it.  And it was when I realized that it wasn’t just sounds I was hearing, but things I was seeing that I realized that this did not exist purely within my subconscious, but in the real world.
   I was one of the few people here that could see these things.
   And I was the only that could stop them.

I like it so far.  I might finish it--I haven't done that in a long time.

Constructive criticism encouraged!

News/Updates:
  • Posted snippet.
  • Fixed a past tense/present tense contradiction.
  • Changed title.
  • Poll added.
  • Wording changed
« Last Edit: December 25, 2009, 10:49:53 PM by WhatevaGuy »


To whomever rated 'terrible':
I would like some feedback.



That doesn't leave much for you to work with, you just jumped into "forget VOICES IMA KILL THESE MOTHA forgetAS." Doesn't seem very believable or interesting.

That made me think of the movie "Knowing"


this made me remember the movie push somehow

That doesn't leave much for you to work with, you just jumped into "forget VOICES IMA KILL THESE MOTHA forgetAS." Doesn't seem very believable or interesting.

What exactly do you mean?
As awesome as that line is, I'm taking a wild guess that you're saying that I didn't provide any BG info on how to 'kill' the voices.




Sorry for dooblee, but...

That made me think of the movie "Knowing"

Is that a good or bad thing?

Conscience anybody?